Epiphany
by Raven Shadowrose
Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings for each other.
1. Chapter 1

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

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**Chapter One... Jeff.**

It has been a rough day, two stabbings, a few minor injuries and several hoax calls throughout the day. Dixie and I have put the ambulance back into the garage and given it the last clean of the day. I settled myself down on the sofa in the rec room and waited, Dixie had some paperwork to finish off before we went home. I watched the other paramedics coming and going, over the years both Dixie and I had worked with them but somehow we always ended up working together.

We looked out for each other on shouts, Dixie has been there for me throughout the worst times of my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. It wasn't always that way, I remember our first shift together and she hated me calling her princess. Princess is usually what I call Dixie these days, she doesn't mind it so much now. I always worry about Dixie when we aren't working together, she only puts me with someone else when she's annoyed with me. We usually kiss and make up by the end of the day though, sort of. Dixie can't be without me really, even if she won't admit it. She says that I will only get in trouble if I'm left to my own devices.

The days after the college shootings were the worst, I didn't know how I was going to get through them. I tried to convince myself that everything was okay, that I could get through it all. The quiet moments were when it would all come flooding back, I tried to keep busy just to escape the thought of being a coward. It was Dixie that snapped me out of it, she saw that I wasn't dealing with it and helped me to see that I was human and that is all I can ever be. She forced me to take some time off and talk to a counsellor, I wasn't sure that it would help me but it did. Dixie gave me a look that said 'I told you so' when I told her that I was feeling better having talked about it.

The strangest part of all this is that my marriage to a lesbian works better than my marriage to a straight woman. At the end of the marriage I was glad that we decided to divorce, it was hell knowing that she was cheating on me with someone that I had once considered a friend. I cheated on Lucy to make myself feel better but that feeling didn't last long. In the end I gave up sleeping with other women, seeing Dixie at work made me feel better than having meaningless encounters with different women.

I remember when we were trapped by those dogs, we thought they were rabid, I promised Dixie that I'd protect her and never let anything happen to her. I also remember saying that I loved her, I thought we were going to die, but I meant it. Dixie is my best friend, I don't know what I would do if anything happened to her. I know that nothing will ever happen between us but that woman means more to me than anyone. That is the only time that I've ever told Dixie my feelings, I thought we were going to die and I didn't want that to happen unless she knew. I'm not sure that Dixie took me seriously, at least I don't think so anyway.

I know that people don't get the relationship that we have but it works, we share almost everything; the house, the dog, work, and even our social life. There are times that we go out separately, I'd hate to be around all those women when they've had a few glasses of wine, they might molest me. I use that time to make the most of the quiet and have complete control of the TV.

I always know when I'm in trouble as Dixie uses my full name, hearing 'Jeffrey' is enough to fill my heart with fear. You don't mess with Dixie, I know that she wears the trousers in our relationship, it is in my best interest to do as she says. Little Abs knows when I've done wrong, he always sides with Dixie and I'm in the doghouse with them both, he'll only sit near me again once I've apologised to Dixie. She only gets mad when I've gone into a situation that she views as dangerous, she's only doing it because she cares and doesn't want anything to happen to me, it's nice to have someone that cares about me.

We've had our fair share of ups and down over the years, the ups make it all worth it. 'Jeff.' All in all we have a good life. 'Jeff.' I don't know how many people can say that they live a good life, I count my blessings every day. I do a job that I love and it completes me. 'Jeffrey!' I jumped as Dixie almost yelled in my ear. 'Where's the fire princess?'

'That's the third time I've called your name, you were in a world of your own.'

'I suppose I was.'

'Are you ready to go?'

'Yes, I've been waiting for ages, honestly Dixie, couldn't you get that paperwork done faster, I'm starving.'

'If you don't watch it Jeffrey you'll be doing the paperwork in future and I'll go home and put my feet up.'

'You wouldn't.'

'Oh yes I would.'

'Come on then princess, let's go home. I think it is time for a takeaway.'

'Another one? I thought you were cutting down.'

'Come on Dix, please, just this once.'

'No, we agreed once a week and that's final.' I tried my best look to get around her. 'Don't look at me like that Jeffrey, it is for your own good.'

'Okay, okay, but you're cooking.'

'Only if you take Little Abs for a walk.'

'Deal.' I opened the car and watched Dixie get in, I climbed in the other side and started the engine. I wonder if Dixie had any idea of the extent of the feelings that I had for her, I do not want her to change who she is for me. I love her with everything that I am but I'll never tell her that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**Author's Note: Thank you to everyone that has read this story and a special thanks goes to BeethovenRIP for the lovely comment :)**

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**Chapter Two... Dixie.**

Another day done, I settled myself in my office to do the paperwork for the day. Jeff had gone to wait for me in the rec room, no doubt he would be annoying our colleagues as they came in for their breaks. I told him that I wouldn't be long and I hoped that was true, I wanted to go home and put my feet up. I loved this job but there are always days that I can't wait to go home and relax.

I sipped at the hot chocolate that was sitting on my desk and looked over the reports from the other crews that had come in, they hadn't had too much trouble on their shouts. I made it my business to know the areas that were causing us trouble, the safety of my crews was the most important thing to me. It has been a long time since anyone has been injured and I intend to keep it that way.

Over the years I have made this office mine, there are photos of everyone that has ever been on the ambulance crew. There are photos of Cyd, Polly and Jeff in pride of place on my desk, I haven't spoken to Cyd in the longest time, we kept in touch for a while but I think the revelation that I had feelings for her eventually buried our friendship, I won't make that mistake ever again. Polly is the one that I regret the most, she was killed because she wanted to help someone, I thought that if we had got there sooner or insisted that we went with her then she might be alive now.

Jeff, how do I explain him? He's my partner, my husband and my friend. There are times when I get annoyed with him, mainly when he rushes in somewhere and puts himself in danger. I don't want anything to happen to him. We look out for each other whenever we go out together on a shout, we've had plenty of shouts where I've thought that we were in danger but somehow we always make it out alive.

I remember when Jeff was transferred from Holby, he offered to go but I didn't want him to, I meant it when I said that I was losing a friend. I was really glad to see him again when he came back, it was also a sad day because Cyd was leaving us. I found it easier to cope because Jeff was there, he helped me through the days when I missed Cyd the most.

I wonder what Cyd would think of me now, I've always known who I am, that I love women, I've never doubted it until recently. I'm getting older, there's no denying that, I see it in the mirror every morning. I haven't had a date with a woman in the longest time and I don't miss it. I thought that I would marry Jeff to make my father happy and then we would get divorced but it never happened like that.

I can't deny that somehow being married to Jeff works for me, he's a good man, I care for him greatly. On some level I do love him, he makes me smile and makes me feel like I can cope with anything. We've supported each other through the tough times that we've had to face, he was there for me when my dad died. There were days when I thought that I couldn't cope with the sadness. Jeff was always there to tell me that it was going to be okay and give me a hug, I remember him buying me my favourite chocolate and just placing it on my desk before leaving again. I don't know how he knows exactly what I need but he does, maybe one day I'll ask him what his secret is.

Little Abs always sides with me when I'm mad at Jeff, he knows that he's done wrong and he won't even give Jeff the time of day. I think the dog is psychic, he'll only sit near Jeff once he's apologised. Usually Little Abs sits with Jeff when we're watching TV in the evening, I've given in and decided to let Jeff lie on the sofa, he takes the bigger one and I'll curl myself up on the smaller one. The silence we share is always comfortable, we don't have to talk, it just simply isn't necessary.

When we go to bed at night we always hug, it has almost become a ritual of ours, just as it is to joke about the bathroom not being a time machine in the morning. Jeff always tells terrible jokes, it wouldn't be the same without them though, I'll never tell him, it is not good to let his ego get too out of control.

I turned my mind to the paperwork that was lying on my desk, Jeff will be getting restless by now and that always leads to trouble. I signed off the last few pieces and picked up my coat off the chair, I took one last look at the photos that sat on my desk and wished Polly and Cyd goodnight. That was another ritual of mine, I always wished them goodnight before I left the office.

Jeff was sat on the sofa in the rec room. 'Jeff.' He didn't answer, clearly he has gone into a world of his own. 'Jeff.' I wonder what he is thinking about, he usually gets that look when he is mulling over something in his head. 'Jeffrey!' I practically yelled in his ear and he jumped, I resisted the urge to giggle at the very put out look that he was giving me. 'Where's the fire princess?'

'That's the third time I've called your name, you were in a world of your own.'

'I suppose I was.' I chose not to pry, sometimes there are things we needed to keep to ourselves.

'Are you ready to go?'

'Yes, I've been waiting for ages, honestly Dixie, couldn't you get that paperwork done faster, I'm starving.'

'If you don't watch it Jeffrey you'll be doing the paperwork in future and I'll go home and put my feet up.'

'You wouldn't.' I smiled at the horrified expression he gave me.

'Oh yes I would.'

'Come on then princess, let's go home. I think it is time for a takeaway.'

'Another one? I thought you were cutting down.'

'Come on Dix, please, just this once.'

'No, we agreed once a week and that's final.' Jeff gave me his best wounded puppy expression. 'Don't look at me like that Jeffrey, it is for your own good.'

'Okay, okay, but you're cooking.'

'Only if you take Little Abs for a walk.'

'Deal.' I smiled as I climbed into the car and watched Jeff, he still looked as if he was thinking about something, I hoped that he would tell me what it was when he was ready.

I relaxed into the seat and watched Jeff start the car, I don't know where my thoughts from today will lead me, it might be that I'm developing feelings for Jeff that go beyond friendship but I know that I cannot tell him that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**Author's Note: Thank you to everyone that has read this story, I was going to end it after the last chapter but I think that Dixie and Jeff's story isn't quite finished yet so I'm going to continue with it for a little while longer. Thanks to BeethovenRIP again for another lovely comment :)  
**

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**Chapter Three... Jeff.**

Dixie has been quiet all the way home, highly unusual for her, she usually has something to say about my driving. Dixie is the worst back seat driver there is, I do have to wonder what is on her mind to make her this quiet. I know that she thinks about Polly from time to time, we both do, she didn't deserve to die in the way that she did. I wish that things had been different, that we'd insisted she come with us, that we'd found her earlier and, more than anything else, that we'd been able to save her.

I pulled up outside our house, it's not a big house but it suits our needs. I locked the car and made sure that the alarm was on, I would be in a lot of trouble with Dixie if something were to happen to the car and I had forgotten to put the alarm on. Dixie opened the door and was met by an excited Little Abs, he was always the same when we came back home from work. Dixie pulled down the lead that we used for Little Abs and handed it to me. 'You said that you would take him for a walk, remember?'

'I do, and you are going to cook.'

'I'm glad you remember. Don't give into him and let him come back after going to the end of the street.'

'All right, I won't.' I clipped Little Abs' lead onto his collar. 'Come on then mate, time for a walk.' Little Abs looked up at me and wagged his tail, I closed the door behind me and started off down the street towards the park.

I like to walk in the park sometimes, I come here whenever we have had a rough day, it helps me to think and work through the events of the day. Today has been weird, Dixie was all right and then she was quiet. We've worked together for a long time and I know when something is not right with her, I might not know exactly what is wrong but I know that something is. Dixie doesn't like to vocalise her feelings, sometimes I have to coerce her into talking to me when I think she needs to.

Dixie has never said it but Cyd really hurt her, it took her a long time to get over it. She's been reticent about seeing other women ever since. I know that she's lonely, sometimes I wonder if she stays with me to avoid the lonely feelings that she gets. I tried to persuade her that she could go out and have a date but she said that she didn't want to, that she wasn't looking for anyone, that she was happy with the way things are. I know that she was lying to me, part of me wished that she would come to me and let me stave off the lonely feelings that she had.

We shared a bed once, it was after we'd lost a child, Dixie took it really hard. Losing a young person is always hard. Nobody felt like going to the pub and we all went home early instead, Dixie was the one who took it the hardest and she beat herself up for some time. Neither of us ate much that night, we watched mindless TV until Dixie decided to go to bed. I let her use the bathroom first. I crept upstairs to avoid disturbing her but as I was walking past her room I heard Dixie crying.

I stood outside her room for a few moments and then knocked on the door, Dixie went quiet. 'Dixie, are you all right?' I heard her trying to stay quiet but it was obvious to me that she was upset. I made a decision and opened the door, Dixie was sat up in her bed with tears running down her face. I went and sat with her, putting my arms around her. 'It wasn't your fault Dix, there was nothing we could have done.' I stroked Dixie's hair and she hugged me back, she was almost clinging to me. Dixie eventually stopped crying but she didn't seem to want to let go of me. 'You need to sleep Dixie, it has been a terrible day.' I let go of her, she needed to get some rest, I was about to leave the room when Dixie put her hand on my arm. 'Jeff, stay, please. I don't want to be alone.' I knew from that statement that Dixie was finding it tough. I climbed into the bed and took Dixie back into my arms, I stroked her hair until she fell asleep.

I think that was the point my feelings towards Dixie began to change, it wasn't awkward in the morning. Dixie thanked me for staying with her, I would do it all again, we are a team and we stick together. I was glad that she trusted me enough to have me in her bed and hold her while she slept, I've not been given the chance again but I'd rather she be happy than having to see her that upset ever again.

We've had good times, Dixie jumped into a vat of chocolate to save someone once, it took her at least three showers to get rid of the smell. She didn't look at chocolate for a week afterwards, I guess being almost submerged in lots of liquid chocolate takes the fun out of it. I smiled at the memory, many people would have been very reluctant to get into that chocolate but Dixie did it without a second thought.

Dixie has a good heart, she cares for others, she can be very blunt sometimes but she only has the best interests of those she treats and works with in mind. I've been on the receiving end of her razor sharp tongue but deep down I know she doesn't mean the things that she says. She's threatened to kill me more than once for rushing into danger and I'm still alive.

I found myself wandering around without really knowing where I was going and somehow I had ended up back near our house. 'Come on Little Abs, let's go and see Dixie.' Little Abs wagged his tail at the mention of Dixie's name, he loved her as much as I did.

The smell of spaghetti bolognaise hit me the minute I walked in and my stomach grumbled, despite what Dixie said when I offered to marry her, she is a fantastic cook. I unclipped and took the lead off Little Abs and hung it back on the hook, he ran through the house looking for Dixie. I followed him and found her in the kitchen, she was tasting the sauce and she added a little bit of red wine to it before tasting it again.

Dixie had got changed in the time we had been out, she was now wearing jeans and a t-shirt, her feet were bare and she was humming along with the radio as she cooked. I liked relaxed Dixie, I bet she's had a glass of wine while I wasn't here. Alcohol mellows Dixie out, unless she has had too much and then she sings karaoke until someone, namely me, puts her to bed. She doesn't get drunk too often, in fact she hasn't done so at all lately.

I was still musing over how I liked mellow Dixie when she turned around. 'Blimey Jeff, could you let me know when you're stood there, you almost gave me a heart attack.'

'Sorry princess.'

'Don't just stand there, make yourself useful and some plates out.' I smiled, even at home Dixie liked to give out the orders. I took the plates out of the cupboard, matching ones naturally, I placed them on the side and placed the spaghetti onto them. Dixie spooned out the sauce and she poured the wine out into two glasses. 'Wine Dix? What's the special occasion?'

'No reason, I just felt like having a glass, that's all.'

'You're usually a beer woman.'

'So, sometimes I can be a bit more refined and ladylike.' I had a feeling I was digging myself a deeper hole. 'Of course you can Dixie.' I picked up my plate and took it into the lounge, we had this really bad habit of eating in the lounge after a hard day at work.

Dixie sat cross-legged on the smaller sofa, I took my place on the larger one and tucked into the food, it was lovely. 'Thanks for cooking Dixie.'

'No problem Jeff.' I sipped at the wine and watched Dixie out of the corner of my eye, she was watching the TV and she looked relaxed. I turned my attention back to the food and ate it all. Once Dixie had finished I took the plate and glass from her. 'I'll do the washing up.'

'I won't stop you from doing that Jeffrey.' Dixie stretched herself out on the sofa and I went into the kitchen to put it back the way it was.

Once I had stored everything away where it belonged I went back into the lounge, Dixie was still lying on the sofa. I was going to sit back down when I realised that Dixie was asleep. She looked quite peaceful, I didn't want to disturb her but if I didn't then she would have a very sore neck in the morning. 'Dixie,' I gently shook her shoulder. 'Come on Dix, you can't sleep here.' Dixie opened her eyes and sat up. 'I wasn't asleep, I was just resting my eyes.'

'Sure, of course you were.'

'I was.'

'Go to bed Dixie.' Dixie stood up, she did look tired, it had been a busy day for both of us and sometimes we just needed an early night. 'Goodnight hug?' Dixie smiled and stepped into my arms, usually she moved away after a moment but this time she stayed. I let her stay there for as long as she needed. 'Goodnight Jeff.'

'Goodnight Dixie.' There was something in Dixie's eyes that she wasn't saying. 'Are you all right princess, you've been distracted all evening.'

'I'm fine, just tired.'

'Okay, goodnight, get some sleep.'

'I will.' Dixie smiled, it wasn't a real smile, it didn't reach her eyes. It worried me that there was something she wasn't telling me, I just hoped that she would open up to me soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

******Author's Note: Thank you to everyone that has read this story, I was going to end it after the last chapter but I think that Dixie and Jeff's story isn't quite finished yet so I'm going to continue with it for a little while longer. Thanks to Beethoven RIP for her comments, I'm glad I carried on this story too and I'm happy that you're enjoying it :)**

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**Chapter Four... Dixie.**

Jeff is currently out with Little Abs, I'm taking this time to get changed into some comfortable clothing. I pulled my favourite jeans and shirt out of my wardrobe, I left my feet bare, after having shoes on all day I just want to be more comfortable. I went down to the kitchen and turned the radio on, I agreed to do the dinner as I wanted some free time to think. I pulled everything that I needed out of the fridge to make spaghetti bolognaise. It was simple to make but it was one of my favourite meals and I was hoping it would make me feel better about this whole day. I took a bottle of red from the wine rack, normally I liked beer but you can't put beer in spag bol.

I poured myself a glass of wine as I set the water on to boil for the spaghetti, I was hoping that it would give me some courage to discuss with Jeff how I was feeling. I didn't know how he was going to take it. I could just imagine it now; 'I know I'm a lesbian Jeff but I think I'm starting to fall in love with you.' Thinking it just makes it more real, I once heard that sexuality can be fluid and can change. Is that's what is happening to me? Am I becoming someone else? I don't think it is all men, I think it is just Jeff, we've spent that much time together that maybe this was inevitable.

I tried to keep my mind on cooking but Jeff kept popping in there, I added some more wine to the sauce, at the very least it will drown my nerves. I really felt like someone was watching me and I turned to find Jeff stood there. 'Blimey Jeff, could you let me know when you're stood there, you almost gave me a heart attack.'

'Sorry princess.'

'Don't just stand there, make yourself useful and some plates out.' I turned my back on Jeff and tried to compose myself, Jeff had surprised me and I needed to calm myself down. I let Jeff put the spaghetti on the plates and then added the sauce myself. I poured myself another glass of wine and then one for Jeff too. 'Wine Dix? What's the special occasion?'

'No reason, I just felt like having a glass, that's all.'

'You're usually a beer woman.'

'So, sometimes I can be a bit more refined and ladylike.' I tried to stop myself snapping, my nerves were getting worse. I took a deep breath and then followed Jeff into the lounge.

I took my usual sofa and tucked my legs under myself, I was starting to feel calmer now, it might have been the wine making its way through my system. Jeff was watching me, I saw him out of the corner of my eye. 'Thanks for cooking Dixie.'

'No problem Jeff.' I tried to keep my voice casual to bury the inner turmoil that I was feeling, it was surprisingly easy at this moment in time but I wondered how long that would last.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by Jeff picking up the plates and glasses off the floor. 'I'll do the washing up.'

'I won't stop you from doing that Jeffrey.' I lay back on the sofa and pillowed my head on one of the cushions. I heard Jeff whistling as he washed up, Little Abs had gone to be with Jeff so I was left on my own. I know that the one thing that is stopping me from telling Jeff is everything that happened with Cyd. I couldn't deal with it if he reacted the same way that she did, couldn't deal with losing someone else that I cared about. He makes me feel better about myself.

I didn't realise that I had fallen asleep, one minute I was thinking and the next I felt Jeff shaking me. 'Dixie,' Jeff shook my shoulder again. 'Come on Dix, you can't sleep here.' I slowly sat up, he'd never leave me alone if I didn't move. 'I wasn't asleep, I was just resting my eyes.'

'Sure, of course you were.'

'I was.'

'Go to bed Dixie.' I saw the sense of what Jeff had just said, it had been a long day and the combination of work and the battle with my feelings had made me feel very tired. It would be good to get into bed and rest, maybe I would find some answers in my sleep. 'Goodnight hug?' I wasn't sure if it was a good idea but I smiled and stepped into his arms anyway. Normally I stayed for a couple of seconds and then moved away but tonight was different, Jeff was warm and he made me feel safe. I eventually pulled away even though I wanted to stay. 'Goodnight Jeff.'

'Goodnight Dixie.' Jeff sounded worried, he's always been able to tell when I'm not feeling like my usual self. 'Are you all right princess, you've been distracted all evening.'

'I'm fine, just tired.'

'Okay, goodnight, get some sleep.'

'I will.' I tried my best to smile but I fear the Jeff knew it was false and that I was keeping something from him.

I got myself ready for bed and into a comfortable pair of pyjamas, I heard Jeff walking along the landing and then he went into his own room. It was comforting knowing that he was nearby in case I needed him. I went to the drawer that had the box with my special things in it. I had things from my childhood in there, a necklace that my dad bought me and photos of the people that meant the most to me. I settled myself down on my bed and searched through the box until I found the one thing that I was looking for, my wedding ring.

I slipped the ring into place on my left hand, we decided not to wear the rings after the wedding, it seemed pointless at the time. I looked at the ring and thought about what it represented, what it could mean in the future. Could I do it, could I be Jeff's wife? Could I be his wife not only on paper but for real? What would people think and say? Would anyone notice if I turned up at work wearing the ring? I ran my hands through my hair, I had many questions and no answers.

I couldn't imagine sharing a bed with a man for anything other than platonic reasons, I wouldn't know what to do really. I'm familiar with the practical arrangements from science lessons in school but on a personal level I have no idea. Maybe that knowledge will come to me in time, I'm still dealing with my changing feelings for my husband. I have a feeling that I am running before I can walk here.

I took off the ring and placed it carefully back in the box, I secured the lid and placed the box back into the drawer. Maybe one day I will find the courage to tell Jeff my feelings, I know that I was supposed to do it tonight but I couldn't. I'm scared he'll reject me, for now I will have to keep how I feel to myself and hope that one day I will be able to confide in him.

I shut off the lights and settled down beneath the covers, I had promised Jeff that I would get some sleep and he would be a little bit mad if he knew that I was still awake after I had promised him that I would go to bed. It made me smile that he cared for me so much. I closed my eyes and hoped that sleep would bring me some of the answers that I needed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

******Author's Note: Thank you to everyone that has read this story, I was going to end it after the last chapter but I think that Dixie and Jeff's story isn't quite finished yet so I'm going to continue with it for a little while longer. Thanks to Beethoven RIP and 4444 for their comments, it is good to know that people are enjoying this story :)  
**

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**Chapter Five... Jeff.**

Dixie is stressed today, she has someone off on holiday and two people have called in sick, she is in her office trying to figure out how to make this shift work with three people down. Everyone is currently avoiding the area of Dixie's office as she bites the head off anyone that goes in. I am braving the danger, however, as Dixie needs to be reminded of something. Work means everything to Dixie and when something like this happens she feels that she has failed in some way, even when the events that are happening are totally out of her control.  
I knocked on the door, usually I would just walk in but I didn't think that it was a good idea doing that today. 'Come in,' Dixie sounded so defeated. She looked up as I walked in. 'Jeff, I'm not in the mood. I have to find a way to sort out the complete mess that is today's shift.'  
'Dixie, you've forgotten someone in all of this.'  
'Who?'  
'Yourself.'  
'You're not making much sense, I'm here, this is not about me, this is about the three people that are missing and how I'm going to sort everything out.'  
'Exactly, I knew you'd say that.' Dixie opened her mouth, she was about to start ranting at me. 'Wait, just hear me out before you chew my head off.'

'Okay, this had better be good Jeffrey.'

'I believe you know how to sort out this problem, call the agency and get them to send someone to help you out.'

'But...' I held up my hand, Dixie needed to listen to me.

'I know what you're going to say, you don't know the people and it will make you feel like you've failed somehow, that is just your pride talking.' I stood behind Dixie and started to massage her shoulders, she always carries the tension there when she is stressed.

Dixie had to see that she needed to think of herself for once, this wasn't getting her anywhere. 'Do you remember what you said to me when I was going through everything after the shootings?'

'I told you that you had to swallow your pride and ask for help.'

'I'm going to tell you the same thing, swallow your pride, phone the agency and get some more staff in. You know what you have to do, you'll just have to ask for help.'

'But I don't want to.'

'That's not a good enough reason Dixie, you might not want to but you will have to.'

'Why are you being mean to me?'

'I'm not, it will be better for you in the long run.'

'You don't understand Jeffrey, I'm supposed to be able to manage things like this, it is my job.'

'I understand more than you think, you know where the phone is, call the agency, do your job.' Dixie was quiet, I know that she is thinking about everything that I've said. 'You might dislike everything that I have said but deep down you know it is true. Find the courage to do what is needed. I'll leave you now.' I gently squeezed Dixie's shoulder and then left her office, it was all up to her now.

Dixie's problem is that she is very stubborn, she knows the solution to the problem but she won't face up to it. I know that I joke about a lot of things but sometimes I can be serious too. Today is one of those times, sometimes Dixie needs to have what is right in her face spelled out for her and I'm one of the few people that can do it without getting a thorough dressing down. I'm only doing it because I care, Dixie is getting herself nowhere with all of this, I hope that she will come to her senses and do what she needs to.

I sat down with a coffee, right now Dixie would be pacing the length of her office and arguing with herself about what she would do. She has to be left to it while she works through everything that she is feeling and thinking. I closed my hands around the cup of coffee and sat back, the sofa in this room isn't the most comfortable in the world. I wondered how long it had been here, maybe about as long as Dixie would spend pacing about in her office.

I was still musing and thinking about Dixie when she walked into the room and sat down next to me. 'So, princess, what did you do?'

'I called the agency, they'll have two paramedics with us within the hour.'

'I'm glad, it doesn't do you any good to stress yourself out like you've been doing today.'

'I know. It's just that I've worked really hard to make this station a success and I don't want anything to threaten that.'

'It is one bad day out of many good days, bad days will come and we will get through them like we always do.'

'That we will.'

'I hope you don't hate me too much for the things I said earlier.'

'I don't, you were right.'

'I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly, did you say that I was right?'

'Don't push your luck Jeff, I know full well you heard me properly.' Dixie seemed more settled now and I still had my head, on the whole, things were looking quite good.

I stood up and stretched, I had been sat still for a while and I was feeling the cramp starting in my legs. I placed my coffee cup in the sink and stood against it. 'Don't just stand there Jeff, wash your cup.'

'We're not at home now, bloody woman, always ordering me about.' I was trying to lighten the mood and make Dixie feel better. 'Excuse me?'

'Why, what did you do?' I forced myself to keep my expression serious.

'You are heading for some serious cleaning time, I'll take the ambulance through muddy fields and rivers if I have to.'

'Is that a threat?'

'It is a promise, I seem to remember it being your turn to do the cleaning.'

'It is not, I did it last night.'

'Nice try Jeffrey.'

'Damn, I can't get anything past you.'

'Nope, keep on trying, you just might succeed one day.' I stuck my tongue out at Dixie and she laughed, I breathed a sigh of relief, the fact that she is laughing is a good sign.

Dixie poured herself a coffee and went to sit in the front of our ambulance. 'I'm driving today.'

'You always drive, come on Dixie, let me drive just this once.'

'Maybe, if you're good then I'll let you drive.'

'What? I'm not a dog begging for treats.'

'Okay, I'll drive for the first shout and then you'll drive for the next one.'

'The last time you said that you ended up driving for every shout.'

'That is so not true, I think your memory is failing you Jeffrey.'

'Hey, I'm not that old.'

'Old, who said anything about being old? Though now that you mention it...'

'Don't you dare Dix, I'll eat your chocolate.'

'You eat my chocolate and I'll make you suffer.' Dixie had a mischievous smile on her face, I thought it might be a good idea to leave her chocolate alone, she might pair me with Norman again. He's a nice enough guy but he has an answer or an anecdote for everything and it gets tiring after a while.

I sat in the passenger seat of the ambulance, I would give in and let Dixie drive for now but the next shout was mine. 'Dixie. I'm glad you found the courage to call the agency.'

'So am I, I think. I still don't like it but I had to do it.'

'Like I said, you found the courage inside of you to do what needed to be done.'

'I wish I could do that with everything.'

'What is that supposed to mean?'

'Nothing.'

'Nothing? I think we both know that isn't true.'

'Don't push me Jeff, I think I've made enough progress for one day.'

'Very well, is it that you've met a woman you like the look of? You can tell me if it is.' I was hoping that the answer would be no, I know it is very selfish of me to hope that she hasn't found someone else but I need time to find my own courage. 'No, it's not that, I'm just thinking about some things.'

'If you ever want to talk then you know where I am.'

'I do, usually snoring in the next room.'

'Hey, I do not snore.' Dixie laughed and I pouted at her. 'You're so mean to me.'

'I am not, besides you were mean to me earlier, remember Jeff? I'll make it up to you, I might even let you drive.'

'Might, you said that you would.'

'Okay, you can drive.'

'Good, I'll hold you to that.' I was relieved that Dixie hadn't found someone else, maybe someday we would have that chat and I could tell her everything, she might not feel the same but she has a right to know the truth.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**********Author's Note: Thank you to everyone that has read this story, I was going to end it after the last chapter but I think that Dixie and Jeff's story isn't quite finished yet so I'm going to continue with it for a little while longer. Again Thanks to Beethoven RIP and 4444 for their comments, your lovely reviews are keeping me going with this story.**  


* * *

**Chapter Six... Dixie.**

I don't know how today has gone so wrong, it started out quite well and then the calls came in, I'm now three staff down and I'm looking at the very depressing prospect of having to get some more staff from an agency. I hate doing this, I never know who the people are and whether they are any good or not. If there was any way to get out of this then I would take it. I buried my head in my hands, I really hoped that this day could not get any worse. Maybe if I bury my head far enough in my hands then this whole day will just disappear or end up being a nightmare.

I tried to ignore the knock on the door, considering what today has been like it would only be more bad news. I figured that the person wouldn't be going away so I forced myself to look up and at least try to look like I was in control of the whole situation. 'Come in.' I'm afraid I don't sound very convincing. It was Jeff, no doubt he had come to try and make this day better by telling me some rubbish jokes. 'Jeff, I'm not in the mood. I have to find a way to sort out the complete mess that is today's shift.'  
'Dixie, you've forgotten someone in all of this.'  
'Who?'  
'Yourself.'  
'You're not making much sense, I'm here, this is not about me, this is about the three people that are missing and how I'm going to sort everything out.'  
'Exactly, I knew you'd say that.' What is he, a mind reader now? I hope not, there are some things I really don't want him to know. 'Wait, just hear me out before you chew my head off.'

'Okay, this had better be good Jeffrey.'

'I believe you know how to sort out this problem, call the agency and get them to send someone to help you out.'

'But...' Jeff stopped me by holding up his hand, he's lucky I've decided to listen to him.

'I know what you're going to say, you don't know the people and it will make you feel like you've failed somehow, that is just your pride talking.' My pride, he has room to talk, at least my pride doesn't need a continent to itself.

My eyes followed Jeff as he walked behind the desk and started massaging my shoulders, I won't deny that it felt nice, I wonder where he got so good at this? 'Do you remember what you said to me when I was going through everything after the shootings?'

'I told you that you had to swallow your pride and ask for help.'

'I'm going to tell you the same thing, swallow your pride, phone the agency and get some more staff in. You know what you have to do, you'll just have to ask for help.'

'But I don't want to.'

'That's not a good enough reason Dixie, you might not want to but you will have to.'

'Why are you being mean to me?'

'I'm not, it will be better for you in the long run.'

'You don't understand Jeffrey, I'm supposed to be able to manage things like this, it is my job.'

'I understand more than you think, you know where the phone is, call the agency, do your job.' I didn't know what to say, what could I say? The sensible side of me knew that he was right. 'You might dislike everything that I have said but deep down you know it is true. Find the courage to do what is needed. I'll leave you now.' I felt Jeff gently squeeze my shoulder and then he left.

The door closed quietly and I was left alone, I stared at the phone like it was about to bite me. I had the number for the agency written on a piece of paper in front of me, I twirled it between my fingers and placed it back down on the desk. I stood up and walked the length of my office, there was just enough room for me to pace when I needed to think. I've come up with plenty of ways that I could sort this out but it all boils down to the end result, I will have to call the agency.

I picked up the phone and dialled, once the person on the other end answered I told them what I needed and I breathed a sigh of relief when they said that they could help me. It wasn't the perfect solution but it would do for now, at least we had enough staff for today. If I find that they're not very good then I will be demanding that the agency send us someone else, I will not have them bringing down the good reputation of this station.

Jeff was sat on the sofa with his usual coffee, I went and sat by his side. 'So, princess, what did you do?' I knew he wouldn't be able to wait to find out what I did.

'I called the agency, they'll have two paramedics with us within the hour.'

'I'm glad, it doesn't do you any good to stress yourself out like you've been doing today.'

'I know. It's just that I've worked really hard to make this station a success and I don't want anything to threaten that.'

'It is one bad day out of many good days, bad days will come and we will get through them like we always do.'

'That we will.'

'I hope you don't hate me too much for the things I said earlier.'

'I don't, you were right.'

'I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly, did you say that I was right?'

'Don't push your luck Jeff, I know full well you heard me properly.' One of these days I'm going to buy Jeff a gag and then when he starts with his compliment searching then I can tie it on, I smiled at the thought. Jeff couldn't go five minutes without speaking, a gag would be torture.

Jeff stood up and put his cup in the sink, typical male, never washes anything up. If it was left to him then that sink would be full of cups before anyone did anything about it. 'Don't just stand there Jeff, wash your cup.'

'We're not at home now, bloody woman, always ordering me about.'

'Excuse me?' I raised my eyebrows, it seems he was getting mouthy with me again.

'Why, what did you do?' I was surprised that he had managed to stay serious for so long.

'You are heading for some serious cleaning time, I'll take the ambulance through muddy fields and rivers if I have to.'

'Is that a threat?'

'It is a promise, I seem to remember it being your turn to do the cleaning.'

'It is not, I did it last night.'

'Nice try Jeffrey.'

'Damn, I can't get anything past you.'

'Nope, keep on trying, you just might succeed one day.' He would never succeed, I always know exactly what he is going to do before he does. Jeff stuck his tongue out at me and I couldn't help but laugh at the childish expression on his face.

I poured myself a coffee and went to the ambulance, I sat in the seat and adjusted the mirrors to my liking. It was a little routine of mine, I like to make sure that we are ready to go when a shout comes in. 'I'm driving today.'

'You always drive, come on Dixie, let me drive just this once.'

'Maybe, if you're good then I'll let you drive.'

'What? I'm not a dog begging for treats.' I'm never going to get the image of Jeff begging for treats like Little Abs does out of my head. 'Okay, I'll drive for the first shout and then you'll drive for the next one.'

'The last time you said that you ended up driving for every shout.'

'That is so not true, I think your memory is failing you Jeffrey.'

'Hey, I'm not that old.' I can take that comment and run with it, he's given me the perfect opening.

'Old, who said anything about being old? Though now that you mention it...'

'Don't you dare Dix, I'll eat your chocolate.'

'You eat my chocolate and I'll make you suffer.' I felt an evil smile appear on my face, Jeff will be cleaning the ambulance out every day for a year if he touches my chocolate, better still I'll make him work with Norman.

Jeff joined me in the ambulance, I think he was just looking for an excuse to sit down, nothing new there. 'Dixie. I'm glad you found the courage to call the agency.'

'So am I, I think. I still don't like it but I had to do it.'

'Like I said, you found the courage inside of you to do what needed to be done.'

'I wish I could do that with everything.' I hadn't meant to say that, it just slipped out.

'What is that supposed to mean?'

'Nothing.'

'Nothing? I think we both know that isn't true.'

'Don't push me Jeff, I think I've made enough progress for one day.'

'Very well, is it that you've met a woman you like the look of? You can tell me if it is.' Jeff sounded worried and preoccupied, is he afraid that I would say that I had? 'No, it's not that, I'm just thinking about some things.'

'If you ever want to talk then you know where I am.' I was not imagining it, he sounded relieved.

'I do, usually snoring in the next room.'

'Hey, I do not snore.' He does, it sounds like a train is coming at times. I laughed at the thought. 'You're so mean to me.'

'I am not, besides you were mean to me earlier, remember Jeff? I'll make it up to you, I might even let you drive.'

'Might, you said that you would.'

'Okay, you can drive.'

'Good, I'll hold you to that.' Jeff seemed oddly relieved that I hadn't found a woman to be with, I wasn't sure why. Maybe he just didn't want to be alone, we have grown closer over time and I don't think he wants to lose that closeness. It is comforting that he wants me around, maybe it will make easier to say what I have to. I have come to the conclusion that I have to tell him how I feel and he deserves to know.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**************Author's Note: Thank you to everyone that has read this story, I was going to end it after the last chapter but I think that Dixie and Jeff's story isn't quite finished yet so I'm going to continue with it for a little while longer. Again Thanks to Beethoven RIP and 4444 for their comments, I love reading your reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Seven... Jeff.**

Dixie is furious with me, I'm waiting for her to call me in for a word, I hate it when she says those words. I want a word is what Dixie says when she is going to chew your head off and spit it out again. She hasn't said anything to me since we've returned from the shout, the waiting for her to call me in and yell at me is the worst part, I just wish that she would get it over with. Having had the time to think about my actions, I'm not sure that going into that building was a good idea. I've never been very good at staying away when I know that people are in trouble. Dixie ordered me not to go into that building and I disobeyed that order, there will be consequences. I should have known better really, I'll be damned if I ever admit that to Dixie though.

'Jeffrey,' Dixie called out, she used my full name, that is never good, she only uses my full name when she's annoyed. It's her calm voice, that is the most dangerous voice she can use, it is only a matter of time until she explodes. 'Dixie, I just want to...'

'Sit down Jeffrey, I'm not interested in your apologies. I want to know why you went back in that building when I gave you orders not to do so.' Ouch, straight to the point, clearly she is not going to budge an inch on this issue.

'There were people in there Dixie, I was doing my job and saving them.'

'There was a rescue team in there already, it is their job to get people out. That building was dangerous and about to collapse, why do you insist on disobeying my orders?'

'I'm not a child, I don't need you holding my hand all the time. I can make decisions for myself.'

'You make the wrong decisions Jeffrey, that is the point, you don't think before you act and you put other people in danger.'

'What are you saying?'

'I'm saying that maybe if you listened to people then you wouldn't make so many stupid decisions.'

'Stupid decisions? Is that what you think?'

'Sometimes, yes, I would call walking into a building that is nearly rubble stupid.'

'It's not like you haven't gone into buildings before to get people out Dixie.'

'Never when they were about to fall down at any moment. You were reckless today and that recklessness could have ended up in you getting injured. I am just trying to protect you.'

'I don't need you protecting me, everything turned out fine, I don't know why you have to make such a big deal out of this.'

'You're a selfish man, Jeffrey Collier, what would have happened if you had got hurt or killed in there today?'

'I didn't though, did I?'

'That's not the point, do you honestly think that I want to tell your kids that you're dead because you walked into a building that was about to fall down?'

'I don't see why you're being so over-dramatic.'

'Over-dramatic? Your playing the hero will get you killed one day.' I could see her point, at least part of me could, the other part was angry that she was treating me like a child..

Dixie folded her arms, something was bothering her, I could sense it. 'What do you want from me Dixie?'

'I want you to behave like a professional for once in your working life instead of running off half-cocked all the time.'

'You have got some nerve Dixie, there are times that you have done exactly the same thing.'

'I'm not discussing that again. Why do you have to play the hero? I thought at your age you would be past pretending and trying to be the boy hero.'

'Pretending, you want to talk about pretending, okay, how about you?'

'What about me?'

'Did you forget about marrying me so that your dad wouldn't find about you being a lesbian, only it didn't work did it?'

'Why are you bringing that up?'

'You tried pretending that you were normal so don't berate me over pretending Dixie, maybe you should have just been honest with your father and then he wouldn't have been so angry with you.'

'Can we try and keep on the subject, Jeffrey.'

'Touched a nerve have I?'

'Drop it Jeffrey.'

'No, you wanted to have this talk so we're going to have it. I'm tired of you preaching to me all the time when you are not perfect yourself.'

'I never said that I was perfect, I know I've messed up in the past but this is about you and your screwing up today.'

'Fine, if that's the way you want to play it, do you want me to list the times that you've messed up? There are plenty of them, you drove Cyd away with your feelings for her. You knew she was straight and still you opened your mouth, it is your fault that she left.' Dixie's eyes filled with tears and I knew that I had gone too far. 'Dixie, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...'

'Get out.'

'Dixie.'

'Don't, you can work with Will for the rest of the day, send Jessica to me.'

'But Dixie.'

'I said get out Jeffrey, I am not in the mood for you right now.' I nodded, I couldn't believe I had been such a stupid idiot, I had to bring up the one thing that had hurt Dixie the most.

I tried to speak to Dixie several times throughout the day but she ignored me every time, I had hurt her with my words, the worst part of it all was that she hadn't smiled once today since I had opened my stupid mouth. She was sad and it was all my fault and even worse everyone seemed to know it was down to me and nobody was really speaking to me now. It amazed me how everyone had sided with Dixie, she was liked in the station and I was learning that now more than ever.

The end of our shift was rapidly approaching, people were getting changed and heading home. Will had reluctantly told me that Dixie was in her office, I had to try and make what I had said to Dixie right again. I knocked on the door and there was a muffled 'Come in,' from the other side. I opened the door and was met with the sight of Dixie trying to secretly wipe her eyes, she'd obviously been crying. 'Dixie, are you coming home?'

'No, I have work to do.' There was no warmth in her voice at all.

'Do you want me to wait for you?'

'No, go home, I'm going to be a while.'

'I'll wait.'

'I said no, for once in your life will you do as I ask.'

'Okay, I'll see you at home.' Dixie sounded tired and emotionally worn out and I knew that it was all my fault. I waited to see if she would say anything else.

I didn't know what to do so I did as Dixie asked, I figured that I had done enough damage for one day without making it worse. I got into the car and started the engine, it was only then that I thought about how Dixie would get home. I shut off the engine, I couldn't leave her here with no way to get home. It was getting dark and there was no way I would let her get a taxi or walk, she was my princess and I would make sure that she was safe. I knew that I had hurt her badly today, I only hoped that she would forgive me.

Dixie didn't usually take this long with the paperwork, I wondered if she was staying here to avoid me. I stood up and walked towards Dixie's office, I had to do this before I changed my mind, we needed to talk this through. If I have learned anything in the past then it is not to let arguments run on. Dixie's door was ajar, I stood outside and took a deep breath. I pushed the door open the rest of the way, she might yell at me but I needed to do this. Dixie was lying with her head on the desk, the finished paperwork was placed to one side, I wondered if she was sleeping. I hated myself for hurting her like this, her eyes were red from crying. I gently stroked Dixie's hair. 'Princess, come on sweetheart, you can't stay here.'

'Go away Jeffrey.'

'No, you can yell at me all you like, you can hate me and push me away all you like but I'm not leaving without you.'

'You stubborn, selfish man, just go home.'

'No, I'm not leaving, I don't want anything to happen to you.'

'Why should it matter to you?'

'Because I love you.' I hadn't meant to say it, it just slipped it out, Dixie looked at me in shock.

'What?'

'You heard me, I love you, there's no hiding it now, you know how I feel.'

'You can't do, it's not possible.'

'Why isn't it? We spend almost all of our time together, we even argue and fight like a proper married couple.'

'But I'm...'

'You're what Dixie?'

'I don't know. I was going to say that I'm a lesbian but lately I'm not so sure.'

'Why, what is going on?' Dixie was silent. 'Find the courage, tell me.'

'I think I love you too.' I wrapped my arms around Dixie and held her tight, there was a chance that she loved me.

'Come on princess, let's go home, we're both tired and it has been a hell of a day. We need rest, we can talk about this in the morning.'

'Okay.'

'I am sorry Dixie, what I said about Cyd was wrong and I'm sorry that I hurt you, can you forgive me?'

'It's okay, I think I said some things that I shouldn't have too, you're not stupid, you just wanted to help the people in the building.'

'I did but I should have gone about it differently.'

'Come on Jeff, let's go home.' Dixie curled her fingers around mine, she was calling me Jeff again and hopefully I was back in her good books.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

******************Author's Note: Thank you to everyone that has read this story, I was going to end it after the second chapter but I think that Dixie and Jeff's story isn't quite finished yet so I'm going to continue with it for a little while longer. Again Thanks to Beethoven RIP and chan. nelson4444 for their comments, your reviews make me smile. Enjoy the chapter :)**  


**Chapter Eight... Dixie.**

I cannot believe that Jeff disobeyed my orders again. I thought that were past all this. Just when I think he is growing up and starting to realise that some orders are for his own good, he does something completely stupid and proves me wrong. I despair of him, I really do, what am I going to do with him? I hate being the boss sometimes, especially when it comes to things like this, what I wouldn't give to go back to being the one that follows the orders.

I was going to have to call Jeff in sooner or later, though waiting is good for him, he has more time to think about his actions. I've had plenty of time to think about them, all the time that he was in the building. I might not be an expert but I knew that it was close to coming down, I was afraid for him, afraid that I might not see him again. I wonder if he realises exactly what he does to other people when he runs off to play the boy hero. I sighed, it was time to call Jeff in, I think that I have kept him waiting long enough.

'Jeffrey,' I called out, he looked afraid, he knows when I use his full name that I am seriously annoyed with him.

'Dixie, I just want to...' He's trying to apologise, he knows that he's done wrong, perhaps he's hoping that I'll go easy on him.

'Sit down Jeffrey, I'm not interested in your apologies. I want to know why you went back in that building when I gave you orders not to do so.' I'm not going easy on him, not this time, he has behaved recklessly once too often now, it is about time someone told him that he's not invincible. 'There were people in there Dixie, I was doing my job and saving them.'

'There was a rescue team in there already, it is their job to get people out. That building was dangerous and about to collapse, why do you insist on disobeying my orders?'

'I'm not a child, I don't need you holding my hand all the time. I can make decisions for myself.'

'You make the wrong decisions Jeffrey, that is the point, you don't think before you act and you put other people in danger.'

'What are you saying?'

'I'm saying that maybe if you listened to people then you wouldn't make so many stupid decisions.'

'Stupid decisions? Is that what you think?'

'Sometimes, yes, I would call walking into a building that is nearly rubble stupid.'

'It's not like you haven't gone into buildings before to get people out Dixie.'

'Never when they were about to fall down at any moment. You were reckless today and that recklessness could have ended up in you getting injured. I am just trying to protect you.'

'I don't need you protecting me, everything turned out fine, I don't know why you have to make such a big deal out of this.'

'You're a selfish man, Jeffrey Collier, what would have happened if you had got hurt or killed in there today?'

'I didn't though, did I?'

'That's not the point, do you honestly think that I want to tell your kids that you're dead because you walked into a building that was about to fall down?'

'I don't see why you're being so over-dramatic.'

'Over-dramatic? Your playing the hero will get you killed one day.' That's what I am most afraid of, it's like he can't see that I just want to make sure that everyone that works for me is safe. This job is dangerous enough without people walking into danger without a second thought.

There is always the thought at the back of my mind that one day I might have to identify Jeff's body, I shivered at the thought and folded my arms to hide it. 'What do you want from me Dixie?'

'I want you to behave like a professional for once in your working life instead of running off half-cocked all the time.'

'You have got some nerve Dixie, there are times that you have done exactly the same thing.'

'I'm not discussing that again. Why do you have to play the hero? I thought at your age you would be past pretending and trying to be the boy hero.'

'Pretending, you want to talk about pretending, okay, how about you?'

'What about me?'

'Did you forget about marrying me so that your dad wouldn't find about you being a lesbian, only it didn't work did it?'

'Why are you bringing that up?'

'You tried pretending that you were normal so don't berate me over pretending Dixie, maybe you should have just been honest with your father and then he wouldn't have been so angry with you.'

'Can we try and keep on the subject, Jeffrey.'

'Touched a nerve have I?'

'Drop it Jeffrey.'

'No, you wanted to have this talk so we're going to have it. I'm tired of you preaching to me all the time when you are not perfect yourself.'

'I never said that I was perfect, I know I've messed up in the past but this is about you and your screwing up today.'

'Fine, if that's the way you want to play it, do you want me to list the times that you've messed up? There are plenty of them, you drove Cyd away with your feelings for her. You knew she was straight and still you opened your mouth, it is your fault that she left.' I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach, it was the one thing that he could have said to hurt me, I just didn't think that I would ever hear it from Jeff. Even now it hurts, I miss Cyd, not as a potential lover but as a friend. I felt tears appear in my eyes, I had to get rid of Jeff before I lost all my composure and broke down completely. 'Dixie, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...'

'Get out.'

'Dixie.'

'Don't, you can work with Will for the rest of the day, send Jessica to me.'

'But Dixie.'

'I said get out Jeffrey, I am not in the mood for you right now.' Jeff nodded and left me alone, only when I was sure that he had gone did I let myself cry out all the frustration, fear and hurt that I was feeling.

Jeff has tried to speak to me several times today but I can't talk to him, every time I see him I remember what he said to me and it twists the knife in my heart just a little bit more. It is taking everything that I have to keep it together. I think that people know that something is wrong, nobody is really speaking to Jeff, it appears they have all taken my side. It helps to know that there are people that like me here, but the one person that I want to run to is the one that hurt me.

I was glad when the time came for me to go into my office and do the paperwork for the day, I wanted to get away from the sympathetic looks and people asking me if I'm all right. I could hear them saying their goodbyes and heading home to family and friends, a fresh wave of tears came falling from my eyes when I wondered if I would have anyone to go home to. Little Abs would be there, he always wanted cuddles and he wouldn't judge me on my past mistakes, maybe I should just spend the rest of my life with the dog, they're more loyal than people.

The knock on the door came as I had just managed to compose myself and start the paperwork, I sighed, don't people know what a closed door means? 'Come in,' I muttered, I really wasn't in the mood for people right now. I wiped my eyes one more time, though it wouldn't hide the redness under them. It was Jeff, the familiar feeling of hurt washed over me. 'Dixie, are you coming home?'

'No, I have work to do.' Even I was surprised at how cold my voice sounded.

'Do you want me to wait for you?'

'No, go home, I'm going to be a while.'

'I'll wait.'

'I said no, for once in your life will you do as I ask.'

'Okay, I'll see you at home.' Jeff waited for a few seconds and then he walked out, part of me wanted to call him back and tell him not to go.

I heard the engine start and then stop, I knew that Jeff would be outside if I went out there. I couldn't see him right now, I needed to pull myself together before I saw him again. Right now my emotions were too raw and hurting for me to see anything other than how I was feeling. I forced myself to finish the paperwork, no matter what had happened today I wanted to make sure that all the work was finished.

Once everything was done I placed the sheets to one side and rested my head on the desk, I was tired and hungry and completely worn out. My head was beginning to hurt, I closed my eyes in the hope that it would make the headache go away. I didn't know what I was going to do, Jeff was still out there and it was only a matter of time before he comes in here and tries to make me go home.

It wasn't long before I heard Jeff's footsteps and the creak of the door as it opened, maybe if I pretended to be asleep then he would leave me alone. The gentle touch of his hand over my hair sent my resolve crumbling. 'Princess, come on sweetheart, you can't stay here.'

'Go away Jeffrey.'

'No, you can yell at me all you like, you can hate me and push me away all you like but I'm not leaving without you.'

'You stubborn, selfish man, just go home.'

'No, I'm not leaving, I don't want anything to happen to you.'

'Why should it matter to you?'

'Because I love you.' I just stared at him as his words sunk in, I had a feeling that my mouth was wide open, of all the things he could have said to me, that was not what I expected. 'What?'

'You heard me, I love you, there's no hiding it now, you know how I feel.'

'You can't do, it's not possible.'

'Why isn't it? We spend almost all of our time together, we even argue and fight like a proper married couple.'

'But I'm...'

'You're what Dixie?'

'I don't know. I was going to say that I'm a lesbian but lately I'm not so sure.'

'Why, what is going on?' I couldn't tell him, could I? 'Find the courage, tell me.'

'I think I love you too.' Jeff wrapped me in his arms, I was torn between pushing him away and holding onto him and begging him not to let me go. Even after today and all that he had said, this hug was the only thing that had made me feel better. 'Come on princess, let's go home, we're both tired and it has been a hell of a day. We need rest, we can talk about this in the morning.'

'Okay.'

'I am sorry Dixie, what I said about Cyd was wrong and I'm sorry that I hurt you, can you forgive me?'

'It's okay, I think I said some things that I shouldn't have too, you're not stupid, you just wanted to help the people in the building.'

'I did, but I should have gone about it differently.'

'Come on Jeff, let's go home.' I put my hand into the one that Jeff had held out and wrapped my fingers around his. I wasn't sure what the future held, many things were changing but that discussion could wait until tomorrow. Right now, I was content that we were friends again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**********************Author's Note: Thank you to everyone that has read this story, I was going to end it after the second chapter but I think that Dixie and Jeff's story isn't quite finished yet so I'm going to continue with it for a little while longer. Again Thanks to Beethoven RIP and chan. nelson4444 for their comments, your reviews make me smile. This chapter is much happier than the last ones, enjoy :)**  


* * *

**Chapter Nine... Jeff.**

Saturday, no work today, that is probably a good thing as I need to talk to Dixie. What we said yesterday cannot be ignored, everything is out in the open now. This is new territory for me, I've never had a lesbian admit to loving me before. I'm not sure how she loves me, does she love me as a friend or does she love me as a wife loves her husband. I'm confused, we'd spent most of yesterday fighting and not speaking to each other properly and then suddenly we were admitting how we felt about each other.

This situation is going to need careful handling, we've spent years living together in a platonic relationship, one wrong step could ruin everything. We have a lot to discuss and we need to be honest with each other. I can't take back anything that I said, if could take back all the hurtful comments that I said to Dixie yesterday then I would do. I stretched my arms out, it was time to get up and face the day, lying in bed wasn't going to help or put off the inevitable conversation that we needed to have.

We don't do much of anything at the weekend, having a busy job means that you really relish the times when you don't have to get up and rush around, the small amounts of downtime that you have becomes precious. Our usual Saturday consisted of breakfast, a read of the papers, and then we'd walk Little Abs together. I think that the routine is going to change this weekend. I pulled on my comfortable clothes and made my way downstairs, it was early, sort of anyway. Not as early as when we get up for work but early enough that it could still be called morning.

I went into the kitchen, Dixie was sat at the table, she was tracing patterns over the surface with her fingers and she looked lost in thought. I didn't want to disturb her, she looked peaceful, but we had to talk. 'Morning princess.' Dixie started, she really must have been in a world of her own.

'Oh, morning Jeff.'

'How long have you been up?'

'Not long, an hour or so.'

'Is something the matter?'

'No, I was just thinking.'

'About what? As if I didn't know, she was thinking about last night.

'Last night, did you mean it when you said you loved me?'

'Of course I meant it, I would never lie about something like that.'

'When did you know how you felt about me?'

'Do you remember when we spent the night together, after that girl died?'

'I do, it was one of the worst days we've ever had.'

'Having you in my arms felt so right, it had been so long since I spent the night with anyone and then suddenly we were together. I realised how much I missed the comfort of having someone close to me. I honestly do not know how I would have got through that night without you there Dixie.'

'I know how you feel, I didn't know how I was going to survive the night either. That poor girl dying was the only thing I could think about. You made me realise that I had done everything that I had could for her. If you weren't there I don't think I would have made it either.'

'I think we rely on each other more than we realise Dix.'

'Me too.' Dixie looked as if she was thinking. 'What do we do now?'

'I've thought about that myself.'

'And?'

'I don't know.'

'Oh, I see.'

'This is new for both of us, we need time to figure it out.'

'I know.' Dixie ran her hands through her hair, she is as confused as I am, I'm glad about that, it means we can figure it out together.

Dixie began tracing patterns on the tabletop again, I watched her fingers running around in random circles and loops. Though there was silence in the room, it was comfortable, I'm glad that it isn't awkward between us. 'Is that helping you to figure things out Dixie?'

'Not really.'

'When you think about it, I confessed how I felt about you in a fit of passion after we'd argued, it's not exactly ideal.'

'I know, I think we should take it slowly, one step at a time.'

'Okay, I can work with that. Maybe we should go out to a restaurant or to the cinema.'

'On a date?'

'Why not, we've already established that we feel something for each other. A date might help us explore our feelings a little better.'

'Okay,' Dixie smiled. 'A date it is, I've not been on one of them in the longest time and never with a man. 'Then I'm honoured to be the first man you go out on a date with.'

'When are we going to do this?'

'Why not tonight, it's not like we're doing anything.'

'Tonight, I'd better start getting myself ready, after all the bathroom isn't a time machine.' It was my turn to smile, Dixie must be feeling better.

I sat back on the sofa, Dixie has gone to have a bath, I need to find somewhere to take her tonight. It has to be somewhere nice, not too romantic, that will be too scary for our first time out together as potentially a proper couple. I do want it to be somewhere that we can be at ease and talk if we want to. I felt nerves rush through me, what if she hates the restaurant that I pick? I feel like I'm back in high school again and taking a girl out for the first time.

I know that Dixie would laugh if she could see my indecision, I have picked up and put the phone down quite a few times. Every time I think I have decided where we're going I change my mind. I shake my head, I know what Dixie likes better than anyone and yet I am still having trouble making my mind up where to take her. I took a deep breath, picked up the phone and called the first restaurant that I had picked. I was just being daft and letting my nerves run away with me

Dixie is out of the bath, I can hear her walking about in her room, I would take a shower later just before we went out. I'm going to walk Little Abs soon and he'll drag me through mud and all the puddles in the world. I do not see the point in getting clean now only to end up dirty again. At least I have managed to book the restaurant, there is a nice Italian place not far from here, it is always quiet and full of couples so I figured that it would be perfect for this evening. Maybe I should order some flowers too, if I'm going to do the gentlemanly thing then I should do it properly. I might even get chocolates, Dixie loves chocolate, at the very least she will be happy with the gifts. I felt the nerves come back again, I couldn't help but laugh, I could hear Dixie's northern accent telling me to pull myself together.

On the way back from Little Abs' walk I ordered some flowers, they would deliver them to the restaurant just before we were due to leave. I bought some of Dixie's favourite chocolates and hid them in my room, she won't go in there so she won't find them until I'm ready to give them to her. I wasn't sure what I was going to wear for this evening, I didn't want to go in a suit, I've never been good at wearing suits. Maybe I'll go partly in a suit and forget the tie, I hate ties, they make me feel like I'm being strangled.

Once I had put Little Abs' things back on the hook in the kitchen I went to find Dixie, I found her sat on the sofa in her dressing gown. 'Look at you, you're a right lady of leisure.'

'I hope that isn't your way of saying I'm lazy Jeffrey.'

'Of course not, would I do that?'

'Definitely.'

'You know me too well.'

'That I do.' I sat down next to Dixie on the sofa, she looked all cuddly in her dressing gown.

'You look like a hug, the ones off that advert for soup.'

'Really? I'm not always that cuddly.'

'I know, sometimes you bite, beware the scary northern woman behind the fluffy exterior.'

'I'll give you scary in a minute Jeffrey.'

'No thanks, I've seen your temper in action and I don't fancy another dose of it.'

'I'd remember that if I were you.' Dixie laughed. 'Did you book anything for later?'

'I did, we've got to be at the restaurant for seven.'

'Okay, seven it is.'

'Are you nervous Dixie?'

'No, I'm not, it's just us going out like we've done before.'

'You're right. How about I make breakfast?'

'Now there's a good idea.' I made my way back into the kitchen and started on breakfast.

Saturday was always fry up day, it was the one day of the week that we ate anything that we wanted to. Some days you just have to eat all the junk food that you can possibly fit inside your stomach. It was always bacon, sausage, eggs and beans, accompanied by toast. The smell of the food when I put it out on the plates made my stomach rumble and I called Dixie into the kitchen. 'Dixie, breakfast is ready.' I put the paper on the table sat in my place, Dixie joined me soon after and she put tomato sauce on her food. 'How can you eat that with red sauce, brown sauce is the only way to go.'

'Nope, you just haven't experienced the delights of tomato sauce.'

'I don't want to.'

'You don't know what you're missing Jeff.'

'And I'd like it to stay that way.' Dixie chuckled, in some ways we were opposites, I was glad that we liked different things, it kept everything from getting boring.

We spent most of the day relaxing and chilling out, it was how we spent most weekends. 'Dixie, do you think we should start getting ready?'

'Yeah, I have no idea what I'm going to wear.'

'I don't either, I need a shower, Little Abs still likes the puddles and running about.'

'Yep, you smell Jeff.'

'I do not, I resent that accusation.'

'I'm just kidding with you.'

'I should hope so too.' Dixie patted me on the leg and I stood up. 'I'll be ready soon, don't take too long with that make up Dixie.'

'You're a bad man Jeffrey Collier, I'll get you for that one day.'

'I have no doubt that you will.' Dixie laughed and I went to get my shower, I was quite looking forward to our date tonight.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**************************Author's Note: Thank you to everyone that has read this story, I was going to end it after the second chapter but I think that Dixie and Jeff's story isn't quite finished yet so I'm going to continue with it for a little while longer. Thanks to Beethoven RIP and chan. nelson4444 for their comments, I really do like reading your reviews, another happier chapter coming up :)  
**

**Chapter Ten... Dixie.**

I'd woken up early, sort of, it wasn't really early, like when we get up for work at six AM, but sometimes you just have to have a lie in. I went downstairs in my pyjamas, Jeff was still asleep and the house was quiet. Little Abs looked up at me as I walked in. 'Morning my little man.' He looked up at me and then lay back down in his basket. 'Too early, I know, go back to sleep,mummy needs to think.' I poured myself a glass of orange juice and stood against the kitchen sink. I wasn't sure what had happened last night, there was a lot to think about. I drank down the last of the juice and placed the glass in the sink. I sat down at the table, I was going to have to think about everything that me and Jeff said to each other.

There were some pretty harsh things said last night and yet the only thing that I really remembered was Jeff saying that he loved me. I was shocked, I had no idea that he was starting to feel anything for me. Where do we go from here? What do we do now? Last night changed a lot of things and there is no taking any of it back. I traced little patterns with my fingers on the table, I usually did this when I was thinking, it helped me put my thoughts in order. It usually did anyway, this time it isn't really helping me much. 'Morning princess.' I jumped when I heard Jeff's voice, I hadn't even heard him come in. 'Oh, morning Jeff.'

'How long have you been up?'

'Not long, an hour or so.'

'Is something the matter?'

'No, I was just thinking.'

'About what?' You love me, I love you and yet I'm supposed to be a lesbian.

'Last night, did you mean it when you said you loved me?'

'Of course I meant it, I would never lie about something like that.'

'When did you know how you felt about me?'

'Do you remember when we spent the night together, after that girl died?'

'I do, it was one of the worst days we've ever had.'

'Having you in my arms felt so right, it had been so long since I spent the night with anyone and then suddenly we were together. I realised how much I missed the comfort of having someone close to me. I honestly do not know how I would have got through that night without you there Dixie.'

'I know how you feel, I didn't know how I was going to survive the night either. That poor girl dying was the only thing I could think about. You made me realise that I had done everything that I could for her. If you weren't there I don't think I would have made it either.'

'I think we rely on each other more than we realise Dix.'

'Me too.' There are still plenty of things to work out. 'What do we do now?'

'I've thought about that myself.'

'And?'

'I don't know.'

'Oh, I see.'

'This is new for both of us, we need time to figure it out.'

'I know.' I ran my hands through my hair, it appears that we are on the same page, I'm glad Jeff is as confused as I am right now, at least we can take things slowly.

I began tracing patterns across the table again, it was comforting, even if it wasn't helping me figure things out like it usually did. 'Is that helping you to figure things out Dixie?'

'Not really.'

'When you think about it, I confessed how I felt about you in a fit of passion after we'd argued, it's not exactly ideal.'

'I know, I think we should take it slowly, one step at a time.'

'Okay, I can work with that. Maybe we should go out to a restaurant or to the cinema.'

'On a date?'

'Why not, we've already established that we feel something for each other. A date might help us explore our feelings a little better.'

'Okay,' I smiled, a date with a man, that is going to be a new experience for me. 'A date it is, I've not been on one of them in the longest time and never with a man.'

'Then I'm honoured to be the first man you go out on a date with.'

'When are we going to do this?'

'Why not tonight, it's not like we're doing anything.'

'Tonight, I'd better start getting myself ready, after all the bathroom isn't a time machine.' Jeff smiled, he looked relieved that I had used our usual joke.

I ran some hot water into the bath and used some of my favourite bubble bath, taking a bath was one of my favourite things to do. As a child I always wanted to go in the bath, I used to drive my parents crazy, they ended up calling me water baby for the longest time. I lay my head back on the bath pillow, the beauty of being short is that I can lie down in the bath, Jeff can't, he's far too tall for that. I sighed as the water soothed and relaxed me, that hasn't changed either, no matter how bad the day has been being in the bath always makes me feel better.

I can hear Jeff moving about in the kitchen, he's getting ready to take Little Abs for a walk, it is nice to know that he's around. I've never really thought about it before but having Jeff around makes me feel safe, it's nice knowing that I'm not alone in this house. That's one of the few conventional things about our marriage, Jeff protects and looks after me, that and the fact that we argue sometimes. It is very rare that we argue and say things to hurt each other, yesterday was one of the rare occasions. I think we'll just put it in the past where it belongs.

I shivered, the water was getting cold. I climbed out of the bath and wrapped myself in my dressing gown, it has been warming on the radiator. I snuggled into the warmth of the fabric, as luxury goes, this is one of the things that I like best. I went downstairs and sat on the sofa, Jeff was still out with Little Abs, I had the house to myself for a little while. I smiled to myself, Little Abs would be dragging Jeff through the mud and puddles, he loved it really, sometimes that man is like a very big kid.

I heard the door open and Jeff placing Little Abs' lead back on the hook behind the door, Jeff came in and stood in front of me. 'Look at you, you're a right lady of leisure.'

'I hope that isn't your way of saying I'm lazy Jeffrey.'

'Of course not, would I do that?'

'Definitely.'

'You know me too well.'

'That I do.' Jeff sat down and he looked at me curiously.

'You look like a hug, the ones off that advert for soup.'

'Really? I'm not always that cuddly.'

'I know, sometimes you bite, beware the scary northern woman behind the fluffy exterior.'

'I'll give you scary in a minute Jeffrey.'

'No thanks, I've seen your temper in action and I don't fancy another dose of it.'

'I'd remember that if I were you.' I laughed, time to try and find out what Jeff has been up to. 'Did you book anything for later?'

'I did, we've got to be at the restaurant for seven.'

'Okay, seven it is.'

'Are you nervous Dixie?'

'No, I'm not, it's just us going out like we've done before.'

'You're right. How about I make breakfast?'

'Now there's a good idea.' Jeff went into the kitchen and I settled back against the sofa, it was nice having someone cook for me.

I smelled the food cooking and it made my stomach start to rumble, the Saturday fry up has been part of our routine for as long as we've been married. We've shared this space for a long time, I've got used to having a man around, my best friend, I wouldn't have it any other way. Jeff was always the one that makes the breakfast, it had become a ritual of ours, after a busy week of work we would unwind with a big breakfast and a weekend of relaxing. 'Dixie, breakfast is ready.' Jeff had already put the paper on the table, the food was next, it smelled amazing. I picked up the tomato sauce and put some on my bacon. Jeff looked disgusted. 'How can you eat that with red sauce, brown sauce is the only way to go.'

'Nope, you just haven't experienced the delights of tomato sauce.'

'I don't want to.'

'You don't know what you're missing Jeff.'

'And I'd like it to stay that way.' I chuckled, it was his loss, he really is missing out.

After we'd read the paper, the usual depressing stories of people robbing each other and other such lovely articles, we sat ourselves down on the sofa. Ever since the revelation of our feelings Jeff has been sitting with me, it is different, but a good sort of different. 'Dixie, do you think we should start getting ready?'

'Yeah, I have no idea what I'm going to wear.'

'I don't either, I need a shower, Little Abs still likes the puddles and running about.'

'Yep, you smell Jeff.'

'I do not, I resent that accusation.'

'I'm just kidding with you.'

'I should hope so too.' I gently patted Jeff's leg, I felt that it was right to do so. 'I'll be ready soon, don't take too long with that make up Dixie.'

'You're a bad man Jeffrey Collier, I'll get you for that one day.'

'I have no doubt that you will.' I laughed, oh yes, I would get him back for that comment, when he is least expecting it. I would head up to my room and get ready soon, I was looking forward to going out tonight.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

******************************Author's Note: Thank you to everyone that has read this story, I was going to end it after the second chapter but I think that Dixie and Jeff's story isn't quite finished yet so I'm going to continue with it for a little while longer. Thanks to Beethoven RIP and chan. nelson4444 for their lovely reviews, I am very pleased that you're enjoying the story. Here is the one you have been waiting for... Date night is here :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven... Jeff.**

I was waiting for Dixie, she was putting the finishing touches to her outfit and I'm not allowed in her room while she's getting ready. I'd gone ahead with my plan of going without a tie, I wanted to be comfortable. I was hoping that tonight would go well, Little Abs came and sat by my side. 'Hello, I'm just waiting for your mummy, we're going out tonight. I'm taking your mummy out on a date.' Little Abs looked up at me, his eyes seemed to be saying that I should take care of Dixie. 'Don't worry mate, I'll look after her, I love her.' Little Abs wagged his tail and lay down the floor, I took it as he was pleased with my answer.

I put my arms behind my head and took a deep breath, tonight could change so many things, if all went well then we'd become closer and our relationship would get stronger. I was hoping that I would impress Dixie, she knows about my past and how I'd cheated on my first wife with other women. This time is different, I would never hurt Dixie in that way, she trusts me and I would never betray that trust. I was still thinking when Dixie came in through the door, I blinked a few times, she looked so different when she dressed up.

Dixie had straightened her hair, it was longer now, almost to her shoulders. She had on a little make up and she was wearing a black skirt with the red top she had bought last week. She was wearing heels too, she looked like a completely different woman. 'Will I do?' Dixie looked nervous as she waited for my answer. 'You look beautiful Dixie.' I kissed her on the cheek. 'You're wearing the necklace I bought you for your last birthday.'

'I thought it was the right time, a special occasion.'

'Are you ready?'

'I am.' I held my hand out to Dixie and she put hers in it. 'Are you being a gentleman Jeffrey?'

'Just for you Dixie.' Dixie smiled, she seemed quite relaxed despite all of this being so new to us.

I opened the passenger door to the car first and held it open so Dixie could get in. 'Thank you, kind sir.'

'You're welcome, my lady.' I shut the door and laughed, at least things weren't awkward between us. I got in my own side and quickly closed the door, it was a little bit cold this evening and I didn't want too much of the cold air to get in. I started the engine and then turned the heating up, it was only a short drive to the restaurant so we would be there soon. 'What are you going to have?' I figured that making conversation was a good idea, Dixie looked like she was experiencing some butterflies in her stomach so I wanted to help her feel at ease. 'Are you paying?'

'Of course I am, it was my idea, the gentleman always pays.'

'Then I'll have the most expensive thing on the menu.'

'Typical woman.' Dixie chuckled, I didn't mind, I wanted to treat her to something nice. If she wanted the most expensive item then she could have it.

I pulled into the car park and once again held the door for Dixie to get out, I think she liked me doing the gentlemanly thing. We went into the restaurant and I gave the man at the desk my name, he escorted us to the table, I ordered some wine and then he left us alone. It was quiet, we were only one of three couples here, it was still early so maybe it would get busier later. I picked up the menu off the table. 'What are you thinking of having Dixie?'

'I don't know, there is so much to choose from, maybe the king prawns.'

'I never had you down as a seafood type Dix.'

'I'm just full of surprises Jeff.'

'I'm going to go with the antipasto.'

'That's for two people Jeffrey.'

'So? I'm a growing boy.'

'Yep, growing outwards.'

'Oi, I'm taking you out and buying you food and you're mean to me. How very dare you.'

'I'm not serious Jeff.'

'You better not be or I'll go and leave you to pay.' Dixie laughed and I joined in, her laughing was infectious and I couldn't help but join in. 'What else?'

'Lasagne, naturally, we're having Italian so it has to be.'

'I might just join you there Dixie.'

'Now we just have to decide on dessert.'

'I already know, they have profiteroles, I am having those.'

'That was quick Jeff, I am having their chocolate pudding, it sounds amazing.'

'I might have known that you would have chocolate Dixie, you just can't say no to it can you?'

'Nope, never.' I smiled, this was Dixie's night, she can have whatever she wants.

The waiter came back with the wine and poured us a glass each, I gave him our order and he left us alone again. I was only going to have the one glass of wine as I was driving, it would not impress Dixie if I crashed the car. I was wondering what we could talk about, during the day we were never short of words but I didn't want to talk about work tonight. 'Jeff?'

'Yes Dixie, what is it?'

'What are we going to do now, it is obvious that our feelings are changing, especially for me. I think we need to talk about it.'

'You're right, we do need to talk about it. I know that this is not natural for you Dixie and I'll give you all the time that you need to figure things out.'

'Thanks Jeff.' I reached across and squeezed Dixie's hand where it lay on the table, it was then I noticed something. 'Are you wearing your wedding ring?'

'I thought it was time that I started wearing it.' It amazed me how touched I was that Dixie was wearing the ring, I was aware that I wasn't wearing mine. I took the gold chain off from around my neck and let the ring fall off it onto the table. I picked up my own ring and sat it on my finger where it belonged. 'How long have you had your ring on that chain?'

'A while, it was too important to me to just leave lying around. I know that you kept yours in your special memory box, I guess it is the same for you too.'

'Yeah, though I may not have felt the same about you until recently, it didn't mean that this marriage wasn't important to me.' I smiled, Dixie wasn't one for revealing her feelings, it occurred to me that she must care for me and that made me happy.

I wasn't aware of the time passing until a waiter came over carrying the flowers that I had ordered for Dixie and handed them to her. I watched her as she realised what I had done. 'Jeff, these must have cost a fortune.'

'You're worth it.' I signalled to the waiter and paid our bill. 'Shall we go?' Dixie nodded and I helped her slip into the jacket that she had brought with her. 'Come on Mrs Collier, I believe we have a home to go to.' It looked to me like Dixie was still trying to take in the fact that I had bought her flowers. 'I do believe that this is the longest that you have ever gone without speaking Dixie, it must be some kind of record,' I said as I opened the door for her.

'Cheeky sod.' I laughed, it is nice to know that even in spite of flowers and being wined and dined, Dixie is still the same as always.

The drive home was quite uneventful and Dixie put her flowers in water as soon as we got home, I retrieved the chocolates from their hiding place and put them on the table. I sat down on Dixie's sofa and when she came in I patted the seat next to me. 'Come and sit with me.' Dixie took her shoes off and sat next to me, I snaked my arm around her and she lowered her head to my chest. Dixie noticed the chocolate on the table. 'Are those for me?'

'Whose else would they be for?'

'You're going to make me fat Jeffrey.'

'I can always eat them.'

'Not a chance, though I might share them if you're good.'

'And when she was good, she was very good and when she was bad she was horrid. Sound like anyone you know, Dix?'

'You're heading for a slap Jeffrey Collier.' Oops, full name, I'd better be careful.

'Oh, I am sorry, my dear wife.' Dixie snuggled up to me and though it was different I liked it. I kissed Dixie on the forehead and then tilted her head up so she was looking at me. 'Do you trust me?'

'With my life.' I pressed a gentle kiss to Dixie's lips and then pulled her into my arms, I didn't want to push her too far so I was taking it slowly. 'I think I might go to bed, thank you for tonight Jeff, it has been lovely.'

'Dix, did you mind me kissing you?' It worried me that she might not have liked it.

'No, I quite liked it, maybe we can try a longer one tomorrow.' I nodded and pulled Dixie back into my arms for another hug.

'Goodnight princess, I love you.'

'I love you too, goodnight Jeff.' I let Dixie go after a few minutes and she picked up her chocolate and went upstairs to bed.

Once Dixie had gone I lay my head back against the sofa, the night had been a success, I wasn't sure that Dixie would let me kiss her but she did. I was still feeling the effects of what she had said to me. I had just expected her to say that she trusted me, her saying that she trusted me with her life was something that I would remember for the rest of my life. It made me feel good, as did the fact that she had said she loved me again. I might be a sentimental old fool but right now I was feeling pretty good, the date had been a success and our relationship was growing stronger as a result. I guess that is the power of the love of a good woman.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**********************************Author's Note: Thanks to Beethoven RIP and chan. nelson4444 for their lovely reviews, I am very pleased that you're enjoying the story. I hope that you like Dixie's side of the date night. Welcome to my new followers, hope you are all enjoying reading this :)  
**

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**Chapter Twelve... Dixie.**

I sat in front of my mirror, my make up was complete and I had decided on my outfit, I was just putting the finishing touches to what I was wearing. I picked up the necklace that Jeff had bought me for my birthday and placed it around my neck. I haven't really worn it as I don't want anything to happen to it. I went back to my memory box and picked out my ring, I slipped it on my finger and picked up my jacket, it was time that I started wearing it.

I went downstairs and found Jeff sat in the lounge, Little Abs was sat at his feet. I took a deep breath and went in through the door. Jeff looked at me and blinked a few times, I wondered what he was thinking. I resisted the urge to fiddle with my clothes and make sure that everything was straight and neat. I wasn't sure about the red top, I had bought it last week but I feared that it might be a little bold. 'Will I do?' I hadn't been this nervous about the reaction of someone for a long time, I hoped that he wouldn't keep me waiting for too long.

'You look beautiful Dixie.' Jeff kissed me on the cheek, I was relieved that he liked what I was wearing. 'You're wearing the necklace I bought you for your last birthday.'

'I thought it was the right time, a special occasion.'

'Are you ready?'

'I am.' Jeff held his hand out to me and I placed mine in it. 'Are you being a gentleman Jeffrey?'

'Just for you Dixie.' If he was going to play the gentleman then I would let him. I smiled, perhaps tonight wouldn't be so bad, it didn't stop the butterflies wanting to have a party in my stomach though.

Jeff opened the door for me, I took it to mean that he was trying to impress me, usually I'm left to open it myself. If he was going to play the gentleman then I would play the lady. 'Thank you, kind sir.'

'You're welcome, my lady.' Jeff ran quickly round the side and got in, he has never really liked the cold. He likes to make out that he is the tough man but I know that he wears long johns to keep out the cold in winter. I like to tease him about it, I make out that it is a sign he is getting old. Jeff's voice broke into my thoughts as my butterflies resurfaced. 'What are you going to have?'

'Are you paying?'

'Of course I am, it was my idea, the gentleman always pays.'

'Then I'll have the most expensive thing on the menu.'

'Typical woman.' I laughed, it was exactly what I expected Jeff to say.

Jeff pulled up in the car park and opened the door for me again, I really think I could get used to this treatment. I waited as Jeff talked to the guy at the desk, he escorted us to the table and took Jeff's order for a bottle of wine. It was very quiet in here, not many people in at all. I was glad, it would give us a chance to talk without people listening in. 'What are you thinking of having Dixie?'

'I don't know, there is so much to choose from, maybe the king prawns.'

'I never had you down as a seafood type Dix.'

'I'm just full of surprises Jeff.'

'I'm going to go with the antipasto.'

'That's for two people Jeffrey.'

'So? I'm a growing boy.'

'Yep, growing outwards.'

'Oi, I'm taking you out and buying you food and you're mean to me. How very dare you.'

'I'm not serious Jeff.'

'You better not be or I'll go and leave you to pay.' I laughed, I knew from his tone that Jeff wasn't serious, we always joked like this. I was glad when he started laughing too, the butterflies that I had previously felt were starting to go away and I was feeling more relaxed. 'What else?'

'Lasagne, naturally, we're having Italian so it has to be.'

'I might just join you there Dixie.'

'Now we just have to decide on dessert.'

'I already know, they have profiteroles, I am having those.'

'That was quick Jeff, I am having their chocolate pudding, it sounds amazing.'

'I might have known that you would have chocolate Dixie, you just can't say no to it can you?'

'Nope, never.' I've always had a thing for chocolate, especially if it has been a bad day. Jeff's liking for chocolate is just as bad as mine, he just won't admit it.

I sipped at the wine that had been poured for me not long ago, it was strange being waited on hand and foot, strange but nice. I really do think that I could get used to this. Jeff has gone quiet, I think that now is the time to bring up something that I think we need to talk about, besides I want to see if he notices something. 'Jeff?'

'Yes Dixie, what is it?'

'What are we going to do now, it is obvious that our feelings are changing, especially for me. I think we need to talk about it.'

'You're right, we do need to talk about it. I know that this is not natural for you Dixie and I'll give you all the time that you need to figure things out.'

'Thanks Jeff.' Jeff reached over and squeezed my hand, he always has warm hands, no matter how cold the weather he's always warm, I have to wonder how he does it. I watched Jeff look down at our hands, I think he's noticed. 'Are you wearing your wedding ring?'

'I thought it was time that I started wearing it.' Jeff took a gold chain off from around his neck, I realised that he had kept his ring on it. I hadn't realised how important all of this was to him, it made me feel special for the first time in my life. 'How long have you had your ring on that chain?'

'A while, it was too important to me to just leave lying around. I know that you kept yours in your special memory box, I guess it is the same for you too.'

'Yeah, though I may not have felt the same about you until recently, it didn't mean that this marriage wasn't important to me.' Jeff smiled, it meant that I had said the right thing. All of this might be strange but we make each other happy and that is what is really important.

I had just finished the last of the pudding when a waiter came and stood by us with a very large and very expensive bunch of flowers. I looked at him and then at Jeff, I held my arms out for the flowers and the waiter handed them to me. They were beautiful, as I looked at them I realised that in all the years I had been dating women not one of them had ever bought me flowers as beautiful as the ones I was holding now. 'Jeff, these must have cost a fortune.'

'You're worth it.' Jeff signalled the waiter and paid the bill. I was still looking at the flowers, I was touched that he had made so much effort this evening. 'Shall we go?' I nodded and Jeff helped me into my jacket, I put the flowers on the table so that they wouldn't get damaged. 'Come on Mrs Collier, I believe we have a home to go to.' I was still taking in everything about this evening, I have really enjoyed myself. 'I do believe that this is the longest that you have ever gone without speaking Dixie, it must be some kind of record.' Jeff held open the door and we went outside.

'Cheeky sod.' He might have wined and dined me but I would still put Jeff in his place, it was good for him. Jeff laughed, clearly he took it in the good natured way that I had meant it.

Once I got home I put the flowers in the vase that was on the dining room table, before they got past their best I would press a few of them and frame them as a memory of this night. I went into the lounge and Jeff patted the sofa beside him. 'Come and sit with me.' I took my shoes off, after a few hours of wearing them they look a lot nicer than they feel. Jeff's arm moved around me and pulled me close, I settled my head on his chest. It was then that I noticed the chocolates on the table. 'Are those for me?'

'Whose else would they be for?'

'You're going to make me fat Jeffrey.'

'I can always eat them.'

'Not a chance, though I might share them if you're good.'

'And when she was good, she was very good and when she was bad she was horrid. Sound like anyone you know, Dix?'

'You're heading for a slap Jeffrey Collier.' Cheeky man, I'll show him horrid.

'Oh, I am sorry, my dear wife.' Jeff pressed a kiss to my forehead and then he tilted my head up so I was looking at him. 'Do you trust me?'

'With my life.' Jeff gently kissed me and pulled me into his arms, it felt nice, he was being cautious but I still felt something flare inside me. 'I think I might go to bed, thank you for tonight Jeff, it has been lovely.'

'Dix, did you mind me kissing you?' Jeff looked worried and I wanted to put his mind at rest.

'No, I quite liked it, maybe we can try a longer one tomorrow.' Jeff pulled me back into his arms for our usual hug, I returned it warmly. 'Goodnight princess, I love you.'

'I love you too, goodnight Jeff.' After Jeff had let me go I picked up the chocolate and went upstairs to bed.

I shut my door behind me and switched on the lamp, I took my necklace off and carefully placed it back in my jewellery box. Once I had taken my make up off I touched my lips, I could still feel Jeff's kiss on them. I hadn't expected him to kiss me but when he looked at me I knew exactly what he was going to do. I surprised myself by wanting Jeff to kiss me, I knew that he would never push me or force me to go further than I was ready for. I had surprised myself even further when I felt the heat flare within me, it represented everything that I wanted in this world, love and warmth and the feeling of being wanted. I am happier than I have ever been, I guess that is the power of the love of a good man.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**Author's Note: Thanks to Beethoven RIP and chan. nelson4444 for your reviews and support with this story, I really hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks to everyone that has read the story so far :)**

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**Chapter Thirteen... Jeff.**

Dixie has been very subdued of late, I know why, the anniversary of Arthur's death is coming up. Dixie always becomes very quiet around this time of year, she always remembers how he pushed her away after he found out about her sexuality and how little time that she got to spend with him when he was dying. I know that she regrets how he found out, maybe even regrets that he found out at all. Dixie loved her father and I know that she wanted to impress him and make him proud of her, there was a little girl inside of Dixie that was still wanted to be her daddy's girl and she wanted more than anything to prove to him her worth as a person and earn his love.

It always scares me how shut down Dixie becomes at this time, I honestly do not know if she has properly dealt with the death of her father. To everyone else she looks as if she is normal and nothing is wrong. Nobody sees the inner turmoil that she is going through at this time of year, except for me, I'm not fooled by Dixie pretending that she is okay. I see the things that she tries to keep hidden from everyone.

I tried to convince Dixie to take some time off but she won't listen, she's just carrying on working as normal. I'm worried about her, she hasn't eaten all day and she's looking very pale. I went to see her earlier and tried to get her to come to lunch with me but she wouldn't. If she is not going to get something to eat then I am going to bring food to her, starving herself is not going to do her any good.

I'm hoping that her favourite food from McDonald's will encourage her to eat, Little Abs looked up at me, he knew that Dixie was upset. 'Don't worry, I'm going to help your mummy, at least I hope so anyway.' Dixie has been in her room since we came back from work, she won't come out, she spends a lot of time alone during this time of year. Normally I wouldn't enter her room without being asked but I believe that I have to do so this time.

I took a deep breath and knocked on Dixie's door, there was no answer, I knocked again. 'Come on Dixie, I know you're in there.' I heard her get up and then the door opened.

'What is it?'

'You need to eat something.'

'I'm not hungry.' I heard Dixie's stomach grumble and I raised my eyebrows at her.

'Sure, you've not eaten anything all day Dixie. Come on, it's your favourite.' I watched Dixie look at the food and then she reached out and took it from me. 'I suppose I could have some of it, seeing as you went to get it for me.' I just smiled, I didn't want to patronise her now that she was eating. I stood by the door, wondering if I should leave. 'Come here Jeff.' Dixie made room for me on the bed, I was surprised that she was going to eat in here.

I sat down, taking care to leave enough room between us so that she wouldn't feel threatened, I didn't want to invade her personal space too much. The bedroom is a place that could be considered quite intimate and the last thing I wanted is to make Dixie feel uncomfortable. I noticed that she still had things from her memory box out on the bed, I picked up the delicate gold chain that had a dolphin hanging off it. 'My dad bought me that necklace for my tenth birthday, I was really into dolphins at the time. He told me that if ever he wasn't around then it would protect me.'

'It's beautiful, why don't you wear it?'

'I don't want anything to happen to it, it is the only thing that I have left to remember him by other than pictures.'

'I understand. Dixie, are you all right?'

'I'm okay, I'm coping.'

'Are you? Every year you go into lock down, you pretend that everything is okay and yet it feels to me like you haven't properly dealt with the death of your father.' Dixie is quiet, she hasn't chewed my head off and that is enough to get me worried. 'Maybe I haven't.' I barely heard her speak, she said it so quietly. 'Talk to me.' I took Dixie's hands in mine, I had every hope that she would open up to me.

Dixie was quiet for some time, I didn't want to interrupt her thought process, she needed to talk to me in her own time. 'I was always a daddy's girl, so much so that when it came to having to tell someone about my sexuality I told my mother. I couldn't risk him being disappointed in me, I didn't want to tell him that he would never have grandchildren or see me get married. There were many times that I thought about telling him and I couldn't do it.'

'Go on.'

'I continued pretending that I was a normal woman whenever he was around, even going to the point of marrying you. I did everything that I could to keep him from finding out my secret but he found out anyway. The only thing I succeeded in doing was making him hate me.'

'Dixie...'

'No, I should have been there for him, if I had just taken the time to go and see him then I could have made him go to the hospital and get checked out sooner. If I had just taken time out from going to the pub and all the meaningless, trivial things that I've done with my life then he might still be alive. It is my fault that he died, I'm a terrible daughter, I let my dad die.' I was astounded, I had no idea that Dixie had been blaming herself for all these years.

When I had brought this subject up I had no idea that Dixie would confess to me that she blamed herself. It explained a lot, the shutting down and the not eating, she was punishing herself for the supposed crime of letting her dad die. 'Dixie, it wasn't your fault, by the time he told you there was nothing that anyone could have done to save him.'

'Jeff, you don't understand, our job is to save people. I couldn't save one of the people that meant the most to me, I couldn't save him Jeff. I wanted to make him proud of me, I failed, all I did was make him disappointed in me.' Dixie broke down, tears flowing from her eyes, I took her in my arms and held her close. 'No, don't Jeff, I don't deserve this.'

'I'm not letting you go, fight me if you want but I mean it, I will not let you go.' I held Dixie and stroked her hair until she gave in and hugged me back. 'It's okay to cry princess.' I kissed Dixie's head, she was struggling and needed someone to stay with her.

I lay back on the bed and kept my arms wrapped around Dixie in case she decided to run away from me but she seemed quite content to lie there with me. 'Dixie?' She seemed calmer now, she'd stopped crying and I pushed her hair back from her face.

'I look a mess, don't I?'

'Of course not, you're beautiful Dixie.'

'I feel like I'm a mess, I've had all of this bottled up inside me for so long. Every year it comes back to haunt me, every year I just want to get into bed and pull the covers over my head in the hope that when I wake up it will all be a bad dream.'

'I know it is hard for you to talk about all this, if I had known how much you were still struggling I would have brought it up sooner.'

'I probably wouldn't have talked to you about it, I'm stubborn remember?'

'That you are, but I love you anyway.' Dixie smiled, it was a start, she's not totally over everything of course, that is going to take some time.

I don't think that Dixie wants to move, she's just snuggled closer to me. I'm glad that I can bring her comfort in some small way. I was still thinking when I felt a tickling sensation across my chest. I looked down and saw Dixie tracing circles with her fingers over my shirt. I captured her hand with mine. 'That tickles.'

'Sorry Jeff, I was just thinking.'

'I know, you only do that when you're thinking.'

'You don't mind?'

'Not at all.'

'Good.' Dixie looked down at me, it was strange being in this position, lying on a bed with my wife snuggling up to me.

'What is it Dixie?'

'Nothing, really.'

'Okay, if there is something then you can tell me.'

'I know, and I will tell you if there is anything.'

'All right.' I smiled and then Dixie did something that surprised me, she pressed a kiss to my lips, she pulled away a second later and then looked at me waiting for my reaction. 'Dix, did you just kiss me?'

'I did, did you mind?'

'Of course not.' I smiled at Dixie to reassure her and I sat up. 'Come here my love.' Dixie sat next to me and I reached up to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. 'Do you remember when you said you trusted me?'

'I do.'

'Do you still trust me?' Dixie nodded. 'Close your eyes.' Dixie did as I asked, I leaned in and kissed her, I kept the kiss gentle so I wouldn't scare her. It surprised me when she responded and kissed me back, Dixie's arms pulled me closer and her lips opened beneath mine. I let the kiss go on a little while longer and then broke it. Dixie slowly opened her eyes. 'Are you okay princess?'

'I think so.'

'So how was your first kiss with a man?'

'Not bad, it was quite nice.'

'I'll take that as a compliment.' I smiled, at least she hadn't pushed me away or been scared of me. I hoped that she was feeling better now, we still had to face going to the cemetery in a few days time but before that was our anniversary and I wanted to make it as happy as possible for Dixie.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**Author's Note: Thanks to Beethoven RIP, chan. nelson4444 and WrittingWhat'sOnMyMind for your reviews and support with this story, I really do like reading what you think of my story. Thanks to everyone that has read the story so far :)**

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**Chapter Fourteen... Dixie.**

It's that time of year again, the anniversary of my dad's death. I hate this time of year, it reminds me of things that I don't want to be reminded of. My dad was so angry when he found out about my sexuality, it was even worse when he found out that my mum knew. I hadn't told him because I wanted to protect him, he had this idea that one day I would get married and have children, his daughter being a lesbian did not fit in with his ideas. Marrying Jeff was my way of trying to make my dad happy but only I ended up hurting him. I wish that I'd had the courage to tell him earlier, perhaps it would have been better if I hadn't kissed a woman on my wedding day.

Jeff is worried, I know he is, he wants me to take some time off work, but if I do that then all I have is time to think about how I let my dad die. I'm keeping it together just enough so that everyone at work will think that I am fine. Jeff isn't fooled, he knows what is wrong, I haven't tried to hide anything from him lately as he knows when I'm upset and hurting. Instead I'm hiding in my room and looking through the things from my special box. I keep photos of my mum and dad in here, there's one of them on their wedding day. I took it out and looked at it, they looked so happy, I miss them. I wish that they could be with me now, tell me that everything is going to be okay.

I look at the dolphin necklace, it is one of my most cherished possessions, I know it doesn't have any magical powers but it makes me feel safe, it reminds me of a time when my dad loved me. It hurts to think of what happened between us at the end, to know that I disappointed him, if he hadn't found out then maybe he would have stayed alive for longer. I broke his heart and he gave up the fight. If I could take back everything that happened then I would, nobody knows how many times I've wished that everything ended differently, I just want my dad to be proud of me.

I've not been able to face eating all day, I feel hollow and that doesn't exactly make me feel hungry. Jeff wasn't too happy that I refused to go to lunch with him, he is going to be up here soon and insisting that I eat something. I spent most of the day feeling like I was going to throw up, though there was nothing in my stomach to come up. I must go on, if I do not go on then I will break down. I must be strong, if I'm not then by the time I get to the actual day of my dad's death then I will be a wreck.

I heard Jeff's footsteps stop outside my door, he knocked on the wood, maybe if I stayed quiet then he would leave. Jeff knocked again, the stubborn man, I should have known that he wouldn't go away. 'Come on Dixie, I know you're in there.' He's not going away, I'm going to have to let him in.

'What is it?'

'You need to eat something.'

'I'm not hungry.' My stomach growled when the smell of the food reached me and Jeff raised his eyebrows at me.

'Sure, you've not eaten anything all day Dixie. Come on, it's your favourite.' It was my favourite; cheeseburger, large fries and a strawberry milkshake, I reached out and took the food from Jeff, he is right, I am hungry. 'I suppose I could have some of it, seeing as you went to get it for me.' Jeff just smiled and stood by the door, he was waiting for an invitation. 'Come here Jeff.' I shifted over to make room for him, it was nice having him here.

Jeff sat on the end of the bed, he was leaving enough room between us, I was aware that we were still in the very early stages of this blossoming relationship that is happening but I wished he would come closer. Jeff picked up the dolphin necklace off my bed, I knew it would be safe with him, he would take care of it. 'My dad bought me that necklace for my tenth birthday, I was really into dolphins at the time. He told me that if ever he wasn't around then it would protect me.'

'It's beautiful, why don't you wear it?'

'I don't want anything to happen to it, it is the only thing that I have left to remember him by other than pictures.'

'I understand. Dixie, are you all right?'

'I'm okay, I'm coping.'

'Are you? Every year you go into lock down, you pretend that everything is okay and yet it feels to me like you haven't properly dealt with the death of your father.' How had he noticed? It was the one thing that I thought I had managed to keep hidden from him. There was no point in keeping up the pretence, Jeff knew everything about me, including all of the things I want to hide. 'Maybe I haven't.' The words were out before I could stop them, I wasn't even sure if Jeff heard them.

'Talk to me.' He'd heard me, Jeff held my hands, he wanted me to open up and talk to him.

I was quiet for quite some time, I wasn't sure what to say, I figured that I would just speak from the heart. 'I was always a daddy's girl, so much so that when it came to having to tell someone about my sexuality I told my mother. I couldn't risk him being disappointed in me, I didn't want to tell him that he would never have grandchildren or see me get married. There were many times that I thought about telling him and I couldn't do it.'

'Go on.'

'I continued pretending that I was a normal woman whenever he was around, even going to the point of marrying you. I did everything that I could to keep him from finding out my secret but he found out anyway. The only thing I succeeded in doing was making him hate me.'

'Dixie...'

'No, I should have been there for him, if I had just taken the time to go and see him then I could have made him go to the hospital and get checked out sooner. If I had just taken time out from going to the pub and all the meaningless, trivial things that I've done with my life then he might still be alive. It is my fault that he died, I'm a terrible daughter, I let my dad die.' The words had just come out, once I had started talking I couldn't stop. All of the things I had kept to myself were coming out now.

Jeff knew everything, would he hate me now, would he be the next person to walk out on me? 'Dixie, it wasn't your fault, by the time he told you there was nothing that anyone could have done to save him.'

'Jeff, you don't understand, our job is to save people. I couldn't save one of the people that meant the most to me, I couldn't save him Jeff. I wanted to make him proud of me, I failed, all I did was make him disappointed in me.' There was no hatred in Jeff's eyes, I wished that there was, I deserve to suffer for everything that I've done. I wasn't even aware that I was crying until I felt the tears flowing down my face. Jeff took me in his arms and held me tight, it looked as if he wasn't going to leave me alone here. 'No, don't Jeff, I don't deserve this.'

'I'm not letting you go, fight me if you want but I mean it, I will not let you go.' Jeff stroked my hair, he just held me like I was the most precious thing in his world. I gave in and hugged him back, I needed him, needed this. 'It's okay to cry princess.' Jeff kissed my head and just held me, he was proving to be my rock time and time again, he was always there when I needed him the most.

I just let Jeff pull me backwards, his arms tightened around me, he was keeping me safe just like he always does. It was nice to be held, as bad as it had been today I wasn't feeling so bad now. 'Dixie?' Jeff smoothed the hair back from my face, I bet I look a right state.

'I look a mess, don't I?'

'Of course not, you're beautiful Dixie.'

'I feel like I'm a mess, I've had all of this bottled up inside me for so long. Every year it comes back to haunt me, every year I just want to get into bed and pull the covers over my head in the hope that when I wake up it will all be a bad dream.'

'I know it is hard for you to talk about all this, if I had known how much you were still struggling I would have brought it up sooner.'

'I probably wouldn't have talked to you about it, I'm stubborn remember?'

'That you are, but I love you anyway.' Jeff made me smile with that comment, he knew exactly what to say to make me smile and feel better.

I snuggled closer to Jeff, he was making me feel good so I didn't see much point in moving. If he wanted to move then he would let me know. It was strange, here I am cuddled in the arms of a man, this is not a position I would have found myself in before. 'That tickles.' I wasn't even aware that I had been tracing patterns over Jeff's shirt until he stopped me from doing it. 'Sorry Jeff, I was just thinking.'

'I know, you only do that when you're thinking.'

'You don't mind?'

'Not at all.'

'Good.' I looked down at Jeff, I wonder what his reaction would be if I did something that he didn't expect. I pressed a kiss to Jeff's lips and then pulled back, I bit my lip and waited for his reaction. 'Dix, did you just kiss me?'

'I did, did you mind?'

'Of course not.' Jeff smiled and sat up. 'Come here my love.' I sat next to him and Jeff tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. I wonder what he is planning to do next. 'Do you remember when you said you trusted me?'

'I do.'

'Do you still trust me?' I nodded, I hoped that I looked more sure than I felt. 'Close your eyes.' I did as Jeff asked me, I felt as if I was going to stop breathing when Jeff kissed me. His kiss was soft and gentle, he was taking care not to push me too far. My arms crept up and around his neck, I pulled him closer and opened my mouth beneath his kiss. It surprised me how much I liked it. I felt Jeff pull away, I tried to remind myself how to breathe and then I opened my eyes. 'Are you okay princess?'

'I think so.'

'So how was your first kiss with a man?'

'Not bad, it was quite nice.'

'I'll take that as a compliment.' Jeff smiled, he was clearly happy that I wasn't afraid of him or that I had hated him kissing me. I was going to have to visit my dad's grave in a few days time but Jeff would be with me every step of the way, I could face anything with him by my side.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**Author's Note: Thanks to Beethoven RIP, chan. nelson4444 and WrittingWhat'sOnMyMind for your support and lovely reviews, I really hope you like this one. I think it has to be my favourite chapter so far :)**

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**Chapter Fifteen... Jeff.**

Today is our anniversary, I've planned something special for our day, Dixie doesn't know about it yet. I've reset her alarm clock so that it won't go off because I've booked the day off for us and secretly got Tamzin and Norman to cover for the day. I made them swear not to tell Dixie anything, she had to think that this was just a normal day for my plan to work. It has been very hard for me to keep this a secret, Dixie knows everything about the people close to her, especially me. I am surprised that she hasn't found anything out about today, I was hoping that she wouldn't as it would spoil the surprise. I have worked hard to make today special and I don't want anything to spoil it, Tamzin and Norman are under orders not to call us no matter what happens.

I've been up for a good while working on making Dixie breakfast, I know it isn't weekend but I have made her the mother of all fry-ups. I know that other people would go for croissants and melon and other things that are supposedly part of breakfast, but I know Dixie and the way to her heart is through sausages, bacon, fried eggs and slightly burnt toast with proper butter. There's enough food for about three people here, I may have overdone it, oh well, I suppose I can always share it.

I knocked on Dixie's door, I heard the muffled curses from inside her room, she'd looked at the clock. The door flew open and Dixie nearly ran into me. 'Careful princess.'

'Jeffrey, what are you doing?'

'Waking you up, what does it look like?'

'Haven't you realised that we're late, it is eight in the morning, we're meant to be at work now.'

'Actually, we're not late, we're not even in today.'

'Have you hit your head? I wrote that rota myself, we are working until six.'

'You thought you did, I swapped the one you wrote with a different one so we can have the day off.' Dixie's eyes widened, I wasn't sure if she was going to tear my head off or hug me. 'Come on princess, your breakfast awaits.' I held out my hand to her and she put hers in it.

'Shouldn't I get dressed?'

'Nope, you can do that later.' I took Dixie into the kitchen where I had laid out the food.

'Are we feeding the five thousand Jeffrey?'

'Just us, it is our day after all.' Dixie smiled, she had realised what I was doing.

I pulled the chair out for Dixie and then poured her a coffee, it was exactly how she liked it. 'Seeing as it is our anniversary I'll even let you have your breakfast with tomato sauce without saying anything.'

'You are a romantic Jeffrey, you might just sweep me off my feet.'

'I'll try my best to do just that.'

'What are you up to?'

'If I told you that then I would have to kill you.' Dixie laughed and we tucked into our breakfast, I had plans for her today, seeing as I called her princess all the time then I was going to make sure that she was treated like one.

Dixie pushed her plate to one side and she stretched, she came over and hugged me. 'Thanks Jeff, that was lovely.'

'My pleasure princess. Go and get yourself ready, you have somewhere to be.'

'What, where?'

'If I told you then it wouldn't be a secret.'

'Secretive, I like a challenge, I will figure it out Jeffrey.'

'Of course you will Dixie, go and get yourself ready.'

'Bossy boots.' Dixie went upstairs to brush her hair and get dressed, I had booked something quite special for her today, she is going to be pampered like she'd never been before.

I washed up the dishes while I waited for Dixie to finish getting ready, I didn't want to give too much away about today. She came back down as I was finishing putting everything on the drainer, she had dressed comfortably. I had packed a bag for Dixie to take with her today, it contained something that I had found in her wardrobe that I wanted her to wear later. Most of the time Dixie wore jeans, today was going to take her out of her comfort zone. 'Come on Mrs Collier, there is a taxi waiting for you outside.'

'Taxi? Where am I going?'

'You'll see when you get there.' I kissed Dixie on the head and put her into the taxi, I needed her out of the house so that I could cook dinner and get her present from its hiding place. I really hope that she will like it.

Once I was sure that Dixie was fully out of the way I started preparing the dinner, basically I was making all of her favourite food. I was making a proper curry, with all the spices and everything, I hope I manage to pull it off, I'm not a chef but I'm going to do my best. Dixie loves curry, the hotter the better, her other love is chocolate and that is why I have had a seriously large chocolate cake delivered. It was expensive but she is worth it, besides chocolate cake is always a good investment.

I took care with the curry, following the recipe to the letter, I don't want to muck it up. I never cooked for Lucy, she was always out or too busy. I shook my head, Lucy was in the past and she was going to stay there. I checked my watch, the curry was coming along nicely, I had just enough time to get changed before Dixie arrived back here. I hoped that she had changed into the dress that I had packed, she had bought it a long time ago but had never worn it.

I dimmed the lights and lit a few candles here and there, I checked that the stereo had the CD in it that I had picked out. I'm not allowed to tell anyone but Dixie really like James Blunt, I don't really like his music but she does and that is what matters. I heard the door open. 'Jeff?'

'In here Dixie.' She came in through the door and she was wearing the dress that I had put in her bag. I went over to Dixie and kissed her, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close to me. 'You look beautiful Mrs Collier, come on dinner is ready.'

'Dinner? You cooked?'

'Don't sound so surprised, I am a man of many talents.'

'Are you really?'

'Perhaps I'll show you one day.'

'Looking forward to it.' It was the closest we had ever got to flirting with each other, it was nice and really made me smile.

I helped Dixie sit down at the table and brought out the plates with the curry on. 'You made this?'

'I did.'

'It smells amazing.'

'Thank you kind lady.' I watched Dixie as she ate, she seemed to be enjoying the food. 'How is it?'

'It is fantastic, how do you feel about cooking all the time?'

'I wouldn't go that far.'

'Thought not, typical male.' I laughed and took the plates away, replacing them with the chocolate cake. 'Did you make this too?'

'Not this, cakes are not my speciality, I'm afraid.'

'Never mind, you can't be good at everything Jeff.'

'I'll keep trying.' Dixie smiled, I had something else planned for my lady wife.

I handed the little box that I had brought out with me to Dixie. 'What's this?'

'Your present, go on, open it.' Dixie opened the box to reveal the locket that I had bought her.

'Jeff, its beautiful.'

'It opens up, look inside.' Dixie gasped when she opened the locket, I had found pictures of her mum and dad and got them copied small enough that they would fit inside the locket. 'Now you can keep them next to your heart always.' Dixie had tears in her eyes.

'It's amazing, thank you.' I took the locket from her and fastened it around her neck.

'You're welcome princess.'

'I should give you your present now, come with me.'

'Where are we going?'

'You'll see.' I followed Dixie outside, I was puzzled, why would my present be outside?

Dixie stood in the back yard of our house, I wondered what she was up to. She handed me a little box. 'Don't open it just yet, look up there.'

'What am I looking for?'

'Do you see that group of stars?'

'Yeah, I see them.'

'That constellation is Draco, there's a star at the head of the dragon. That star is yours.' I just looked at her, she had bought me a star. 'Jeff, you are my star. You light up my days when I'm finding it hard to go on. All I have to do is look up and know that you'll be there, you're always there when I need you the most. Just like that star, no matter how dark things get, there is always light in that darkness. You are my light Jeff.' I was afraid that I had tears in my eyes, everything that Dixie had just said made me feel very emotional. 'Thank you Dixie, that's beautiful. Come on my love, it is getting cold out here.' Dixie nodded and I put my arm around her shoulders as I guided her inside.

Dixie took off her shoes when we got inside, the music was still playing. I put my hand on her shoulder. 'Dance with me Dixie.' I pulled her to me and held her close as we danced in the middle of the lounge, it had been a lovely evening. Dixie loved her present and I had been totally surprised by her present and how much thought she had put into it. I had no doubt that she loved me. I settled my head on top of hers as we danced, it was nice being here with her. Dixie yawned and snuggled into my arms. 'Come on princess, you're tired.'

'Thanks for this evening Jeff, I love you.'

'I love you too sweetheart.' We parted at our bedrooms, I went into mine and Dixie went into hers. 'Goodnight Jeff.'

'Goodnight Dixie.' I blew a kiss to Dixie and she caught it in her hand, I smiled to myself and closed the door.

I had been in bed for a few minutes when there was a knock on my door, it could only be Dixie. 'Come in.' Dixie stood there in the doorway. 'Is everything all right?'

'Jeff, could I... can I?'

'What is it princess?'

'Can I sleep in here tonight, with you, I mean.'

'Of course you can.' I shifted over to make room for Dixie in my bed, she climbed in beside me and snuggled up to me. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. I wasn't sure why she wanted to come in with me but for now I wasn't bothered about the reason. I kissed Dixie's head as she fell asleep in my arms, everything about it felt right, I felt complete. It was with that thought in my head that I drifted off to sleep myself.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**Author's Note: Thanks to Beethoven RIP, chan. nelson4444 and WrittingWhat'sOnMyMind for your support with this story, are you ready for the other half? :)**

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**Chapter Sixteen... Dixie.**

I heard a knocking on my door, who would be knocking at my door? I looked at my clock and cursed, why hadn't my alarm gone off? I quickly stood up and threw the quilt back over the bed, I hated being late and now we would be seriously late. I opened the door and nearly ran into Jeff, maybe he had realised that we were late. He was fully dressed, when had he had time to get fully dressed? Why hadn't he woken me up? 'Careful princess.'

'Jeffrey, what are you doing?'

'Waking you up, what does it look like?'

'Haven't you realised that we're late, it is eight in the morning, we're meant to be at work now.'

'Actually, we're not late, we're not even in today.'

'Have you hit your head? I wrote that rota myself, we are working until six.'

'You thought you did, I swapped the one you wrote with a different one so we can have the day off.' I really think he has cracked his head on something hard. Or maybe I'm dreaming, if I'm dreaming then I can carry on. 'Come on princess, your breakfast awaits.' Jeff held out his hand and I put mine in it. I must be dreaming, I can smell bacon and it is not yet weekend. 'Shouldn't I get dressed?'

'Nope, you can do that later.' Jeff took me into the kitchen, there was plenty of food laid out on the table.

'Are we feeding the five thousand Jeffrey?'

'Just us, it is our day after all.' I smiled, so that's what he is up to.

Jeff poured out the coffee, he'd made it exactly how I liked it, he really was going to so much effort to make today special. 'Seeing as it is our anniversary I'll even let you have your breakfast with tomato sauce without saying anything.'  
'You are a romantic Jeffrey, you might just sweep me off my feet.'  
'I'll try my best to do just that.'  
'What are you up to?'  
'If I told you that then I would have to kill you.' I laughed, who does he think he is, James Bond? I wondered what else he planned for me today, no wonder Norman and Tamzin had been acting weird lately. I had an idea that they knew something, I just had no idea how much had been going on behind my back. I didn't mind, they clearly had good intentions.

I stretched, maybe I had eaten too much, I felt like I was going to burst. I went to Jeff and gave him a hug. 'Thanks Jeff, that was lovely.'

'My pleasure princess. Go and get yourself ready, you have somewhere to be.'

'What, where?'

'If I told you then it wouldn't be a secret.'

'Secretive, I like a challenge, I will figure it out Jeffrey.'

'Of course you will Dixie, go and get yourself ready.'

'Bossy boots.' I quickly got dressed and ready for the day, I wasn't sure where I was going so I just dressed in my jeans. I found a bag waiting for me outside of my room, Jeff had left a note with it telling me not to look at what was inside until it was time to come home.

I went back downstairs and found Jeff finishing up the washing up, he dried his hands and came over to me. 'Come on Mrs Collier, there is a taxi waiting for you outside.'

'Taxi? Where am I going?'

'You'll see when you get there.' Jeff kissed me on the head and put me into the taxi, he wants me out of the house for something, I don't know what he is planning but it must be some operation if he has orchestrated this whole thing. It is quite ambitious, even for Jeff.

The taxi pulled up outside a beauty parlour, I thanked the driver and got out. There was a woman outside and she approached me. 'Mrs Collier?'

'Yes, that's me.'

'We've been expecting you, come in.'

'What am I doing here?'

'Your husband booked this day for you. He told us that he wanted you to be treated like a princess.'

'Oh, okay, what are you going to do to me?'

'A facial, full body massage, a manicure and pedicure and a makeover.' This must have cost Jeff a fortune. The woman showed me into a room and asked me to get changed into the robe that was hanging on the back of the door.

I waited nervously, I have never been to anything like this, I am going to have to put myself in the hands of someone that I have only just met and let them massage me and take charge. I'm not good at letting other people take control, maybe that is why Jeff has sent me here. The woman came back and she asked me to get onto the table. 'We'll start with the facial, I'm just going to wrap up your hair to keep it out of the way. Close your eyes.' I did as she asked and as she used lots of different lotions and potions on me I found myself relaxing. I was snapped back into the present when she asked me to take the robe off and slip under the sheet that was draped over the end of the table.

She left the room and I quickly took off the bathrobe and pulled the sheet over my body so I was covered from my neck to my feet. I felt very self conscious, I was naked but for the sheet and suddenly I felt quite vulnerable. I heard the door open and the woman from earlier came back in. 'Are you ready?'

'I am.'

'Relax, if you feel any pain or discomfort then tell me. Lie on your front.' I did she asked me to and then she lifted the sheet up to expose my legs. Her hands moved over my legs and worked the tension out of my muscles. I breathed deeply, this might not be so bad. I was aware of her calming voice telling me everything that she was doing, this isn't so bad, I might come back and have another massage one day. Maybe I'll get Jeff to learn and then he can do it for me. I was so relaxed that I barely heard her telling me that I could redress in my robe. When I was done I went out into the main area of the shop and sat in the chair that was waiting for me.

I was handed a cup of tea and the therapists got to work on giving me a manicure and pedicure, I felt like some sort of movie star. I have never been massaged or covered in many different lotions and potions like I have today. My nails have been filed and polished and now they are styling my hair and putting make up on me. 'So tell us, what is all this for?'

'It is our anniversary.'

'You're a lucky woman Mrs Collier.'

'I am.' I smiled, they are right, I am a lucky woman. I looked in the bag that Jeff had packed for me and pulled out the black dress that I had bought and never worn, clearly he has been looking through my wardrobe, nosy man. There was another taxi waiting for me when I came out of the parlour, it took me straight home, I was glad, the shoes I'm wearing can be difficult to walk in at times.

The house was in semi darkness when I went inside, Jeff was nowhere to be seen. 'Jeff?'

'In here Dixie.' I went through the door way to find that Jeff had set the table for us, candles and everything. He came over to me and kissed me, pulling me into his arms. 'You look beautiful Mrs Collier, come on dinner is ready.'

'Dinner? You cooked?'

'Don't sound so surprised, I am a man of many talents.'

'Are you really?'

'Perhaps I'll show you one day.'

'Looking forward to it.' I was surprised that I found flirting with Jeff so easy, it wasn't a bad surprise though.

Jeff pulled out the chair for me, I really could get used to being treated like a lady. The smell of curry hit me as Jeff came back with two plates of food. 'You made this?'

'I did.'

'It smells amazing.'

'Thank you kind lady.' Jeff was watching me, I know he is looking for my approval. 'How is it?'

'It is fantastic, how do you feel about cooking all the time?'

'I wouldn't go that far.'

'Thought not, typical male.' Jeff laughed and he took the plates away, he came back with some chocolate cake that looked amazing. 'Did you make this too?'

'Not this, cakes are not my speciality, I'm afraid.'

'Never mind, you can't be good at everything Jeff.'

'I'll keep trying.' I smiled, at least he had been honest with me, he might not have made the cake but the curry had been fantastic, he needs to cook more often.

Jeff handed me a little box. 'What's this?'

'Your present, go on, open it.' I was curious, what could he have got me? I opened the box and in it was a lovely antique locket.

'Jeff, its beautiful.'

'It opens up, look inside.' I opened the locket to find two pictures, one of mum and one of my dad. 'Now you can keep them next to your heart always.' Tears appeared in my eyes, it was so thoughtful and it made me love Jeff even more.

'It's amazing, thank you.' Jeff took the locket and fastened it around my neck, I wouldn't be taking it off any time soon.

'You're welcome princess.'

'I should give you your present now, come with me.'

'Where are we going?'

'You'll see.' Jeff looked puzzled, I hope he likes what I have bought him.

I handed Jeff the silver box that contained some of his gift. 'Don't open it just yet, look up there.'

'What am I looking for?'

'Do you see that group of stars?'

'Yeah, I see them.'

'That constellation is Draco, there's a star at the head of the dragon. That star is yours.' Jeff looked at me in surprise, I was hoping it would become clear to him once I had told him everything. 'Jeff, you are my star. You light up my days when I'm finding it hard to go on. All I have to do is look up and know that you'll be there, you're always there when I need you the most. Just like that star, no matter how dark things get, there is always light in that darkness. You are my light Jeff.' I saw the tears glinting in Jeff's eyes and I knew that he got the meaning of my gift. 'Thank you Dixie, that's beautiful. Come on my love, it is getting cold out here.' I nodded and Jeff put his arm around me, his comforting warmth was all that I needed right now.

I slipped my shoes off and walked barefoot across the carpet, Jeff came in behind me and I turned to face him. 'Dance with me Dixie.' I stepped into Jeff's arms and let him hold me close, the whole day had been lovely but I was beginning to feel tired. I snuggled closer into Jeff's arms and yawned. 'Come on princess, you're tired.'

'Thanks for this evening Jeff, I love you.'

'I love you too sweetheart.' Jeff went into his room and I opened the door to mine

'Goodnight Jeff.'

'Goodnight Dixie.' Jeff blew me a kiss and I smiled as I caught it, I closed the door to my room, it was time for bed.

I changed into my pyjamas and cleansed my face of all the make up. I was about to get into my own bed when I felt the locket around my neck, I had forgotten to take it off. The man that had bought me this loved me, I had a sudden desire to be by his side. I wonder if he would mind if I shared his bed with him tonight. I shut off my light and went to Jeff's room, I knocked on the door and waited for him to answer me. I am wondering if this is a good idea, I was about to leave when I heard Jeff speak. 'Come in.' I stood in the doorway, unsure if I should go in. 'Is everything all right?'

'Jeff, could I... can I?'

'What is it princess?'

'Can I sleep in here tonight, with you, I mean.'

'Of course you can.' Jeff moved over and I climbed into the bed with him, he hugged me tightly and kissed me on the head. I snuggled up to him, I was glad that I had decided to come in here. I didn't know if we would share on a permanent basis, but being in Jeff's arms felt right.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**Author's Note: Thanks to Beethoven RIP, chan. nelson4444 for your comments on the last chapter. Welcome to xfilesgem, I hope everyone likes this chapter. Please note that the rating for this story has been increased to T due to unforseen events at the end of this chapter ;)**

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**Chapter Seventeen... Jeff.**

I've made sure that everyone has gone easy on Dixie today, we're going to visit the graveyard soon and I've noticed that Dixie's mood had changed throughout the day. We'd had the discussion about her father earlier in the week but it is going to be hard for her. I'm going to be there with her while she goes to Arthur's grave. I don't want to leave her alone while she does this, it will be hard for her and she needs my support.

I went to Dixie's room, it is time for us to leave and she hasn't come down, her door was open and she was sat in front of her mirror brushing her hair. She was brushing the same part of her hair over and over. 'Dixie?'

'I don't think I can do this Jeff.'

'You can, you're the strongest woman I know.'

'I don't feel it right now.' She kept on brushing her hair, it was as if she convinced herself that she wasn't ready then she wouldn't have to go. 'Dix, listen to me.' I took the hairbrush from her and held her hands. 'Think of everything that you have been through, everything that you've survived. I believe that you can do this, I'll be with you through it all.' I hugged Dixie tight, she had been crying already, no doubt I would see more tears from Dixie by the time we had finished at the graveyard.

Dixie was very quiet all throughout the drive to the graveyard, we picked up the flowers that we had ordered from the florist next door. 'Come on princess.' I held Dixie's free hand and led her to the grave that held her father. She stood in front of the grave and took the old flowers from the holders, she washed them out and then placed the new flowers in them. Tears were pouring down her face, crying would help her feel better. 'I'm sorry for how things turned out, I should have told you the truth about myself. I'm sorry that I lied to you. I just wanted to make you proud of me, I wanted to be the daughter that you deserved. Were you proud of me? I miss you, I love you dad.' I put my hand on Dixie's shoulder and she hugged me, I felt her shaking, she really was suffering today. 'Dixie, I do think that your dad was proud of you and everything that you've done with your life.'

'How could he be, I lied to him.'

'That was one event Dixie. Just listen to me for one moment. You've dedicated your life to helping people, every day of your life is spent giving aid and comfort to those in need. I think he is very proud of you for that, despite what you think your dad loves you very much. I have no doubt that he looks down on you from up there and tells everyone that he is near that you are his daughter.'

'Do you really think so?'

'I do.' More tears spilled from Dixie's eyes and she wiped at them angrily.

'I feel so weak for being like this, I'm letting him down again.'

'No, Dixie, you're not. You're human and you're hurting, it is okay to cry sometimes.' I took my coat off and placed it around Dixie's shoulders. 'Trust me, I've shed my fair share of tears, most of them you have seen. Did you think that I was weak Dixie?'

'No, I admired you for how honest you were with your feelings.'

'Then why should anyone think that you are weak Dixie?'

'Because I am, I hid my real self from my dad, a strong person would have told him.'

'You did what you thought was best at the time.'

'You're just trying to make me feel better.'

'No, I'm trying to make you see that you're human and you make mistakes. I do not blame you and I do not think that you're weak. I love you Dixie, just as you are, mistakes and all.' I gently kissed Dixie and pulled my coat closer around her.

I held Dixie in my arms as we stood in front of Arthur's grave, she had slowly stopped crying and was silent, she was gazing at the gravestone that she had bought for him. 'Jeff, can we go home?'

'Are you ready? If you need more time then we can stay.'

'I'm ready.'

'Okay, come my princess, your chariot awaits.' Dixie gave me a small smile and I helped her into the car.

I made Dixie sit down the very minute that we got in, put the kettle on and made her a cup of tea and some toast and put it in front of her. 'Eat, it will make you feel better.' Dixie nibbled at the toast and drank her tea, I sat with her until everything disappeared of her plate and then I took them away. 'Your colour has come back, do you feel better?'

'A little bit, I think crying helped me, somehow I feel lighter.'

'Good, I'm glad to hear it. You've been carrying this too long Dixie.'

'You're right. Jeff, will you hold me?'

'Of course I will princess, come here.' I lay back on the sofa and took Dixie into my arms, she had a long way to go but I was determined to help her heal.

We'd been lying together for a while when I felt Dixie's hand slide under my shirt and lie flat against my bare skin. 'Dixie, what are you doing?'

'What does it feel like?'

'It feels like you're sneaking a quick feel.'

'Do you mind?'

'No, I don't mind. Providing I can return the favour of course.'

'Are you planning on taking advantage of me Mr Collier?'

'No, I just want to have a feel.' I slipped my hand under Dixie's t-shirt and settled my hand at the base of her back. I lightly stroked her skin with my thumb and she sighed. 'Jeff, that tickles.'

'Good or bad?'

'It feels nice.' I smiled, I had a very naughty idea, it was probably going to get me into a lot of trouble.

I shifted a little bit. 'Dixie, could you get up, my leg is starting to feel cramped.'

'Sure, sorry Jeff.'

'It's okay princess.' I stretched my leg a few times and then massaged the muscle, once I was sure that she was lulled into a false sense of security I grabbed hold of Dixie and pinned her down to the ground. 'Jeffrey Collier, get off me this instant.'

'No way, not now I have you exactly where I want you. Are you ticklish princess?'

'No, I'm not.'

'Shall we test that theory?'

'Jeffrey, don't you dare.'

'Too late princess, I must know.' Dixie had had a tough day today and I wanted to cheer her up. I flexed my fingers and proceeded to tickle Dixie's stomach, I was rewarded with a giggle from Dixie as I tickled her, she sounded like she was a little girl again. 'Jeffrey... please... stop.' She was almost helpless with laughter. 'What will you do to get me to stop?'

'I'll... let... you... drive.' I paused in my efforts.

'All day? For every shout?'

'Half.'

'Not good enough Mrs Collier, all day or I start again.' I flexed my fingers menacingly in Dixie's direction.

'All right, you can drive all day tomorrow.'

'I'll hold you to it.'

'Can I get up now?'

'I don't know about that, I quite like having you wriggling about underneath me Dixie.' Dixie blushed when she realised what I had said. 'You blush, have I embarrassed you?'

'No, I just wasn't expecting you to say something like that.' I let Dixie get up and sat next to her on the sofa.

'Why wouldn't I say anything like that to you?'

'No reason.'

'Dixie, tell me the truth.'

'Jeff, do you find me attractive? I'm not exactly a woman that most men want to go out with.'

'I'm not most men Dixie, I love you, to me you are beautiful, forget what everyone else thinks. It is your eyes, your smile and most of all your heart.'

'Thanks Jeff.' Dixie hugged me tight and I kissed her gently.

'I mean it.' Dixie smiled and she got up, she'd used her smile that meant she was up to something.

I was still pondering what Dixie was up to when something hit me over the head, I turned around to see the cushion from the sofa on the floor and Dixie laughing her head off by the stairs. 'You are going to pay for that Mrs Collier.' Dixie ran up the stairs and I followed her, I got to the top of the stairs and I was hit by another cushion. 'No fair Mrs Collier, I'm unarmed.'

'So?' Another cushion hit me and Dixie ran into her bedroom. 'Come on Jeff.' She threw a pillow at me. 'Now you're armed.'

'And dangerous.' I hit Dixie with the pillow that she had given me and from then on it was all out war, I have a feeling that we are being very childish but Dixie is having fun and that is what matters. Dixie was proving to be quite the opponent, she wasn't above fighting dirty and had made quite a few underhanded shots already. 'Is that all you've got Jeffrey? Come on old man.'

'Old man, I'll give you old.' I stole Dixie's pillow and held both of them above her head. 'What are you going to do now?' Dixie raised her eyebrow and pushed me backwards so I fell onto the bed, she stole both of the pillows and hit me with them. 'Hey, that's cheating.'

'What are you going to do about it?' I pulled Dixie flush against my body and kissed her, I wasn't aware of what I was doing, I was completely lost in the moment. Dixie's mouth opened beneath mine and I pulled her closer, my hand drifted up and down her spine and she pushed herself closer to me. I pulled away from her lips and placed gentle kisses on her neck, Dixie's hands gripped my shirt and she moaned. It was the moan that snapped me out of the moment. 'Dixie, do you want this? If I go any further I won't be able to stop myself.'

'Jeffrey, don't stop.'

'Are you sure princess?'

'Very, make love to me Jeffrey.'

'Are you sure this isn't because you're grieving and hurting over your father. I don't want to do this only to have you regret it afterwards.' Dixie sat quietly, if she wasn't totally sure then I didn't want her to go through with this. I'd rather that we wait until she is ready. Dixie squeezed my hand and kissed me on the head. 'Jeff, I love you and I want this. I promise you that I am sure, I've never been more sure about anything in my life.' Dixie lay back on the bed. 'Are you going to join me?'

'Now there is an offer I can't refuse Mrs Collier.' I lay down with Dixie and kissed her, she had given me permission to love her and I was going to show her exactly what she meant to me.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**Author's Note: Thanks to Beethoven RIP, and chan. nelson4444 for your comments, I really do like reading them. I hope you enjoy this chapter :)  
**

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**Chapter Eighteen... Dixie.**

Today is the day that I have to go and visit my dad, Jeff has been looking out for me all day. I'm glad, I've been feeling quite delicate all day. I hate feeling like this, every year I feel like I'm a let down and a disappointment to the people around me. It is hard, Jeff is going to be here soon and I don't want to go, I can't do this. I have to face the grave of my dad, face the fact that he isn't here with me now.

I heard Jeff's footsteps enter my room, it is time to go, I know it is, I just don't want to move. 'Dixie?'

'I don't think I can do this Jeff.'

'You can, you're the strongest woman I know.'

'I don't feel it right now.'

'Dix, listen to me.' I wasn't aware that I had started repeatedly brushing my hair until Jeff took the brush from my hands and held them in his own. 'Think of everything that you have been through, everything that you've survived. I believe that you can do this, I'll be with you through it all.' Jeff held me in his arms, his words brought me comfort and the strength that I needed to face everything.

Time passed quickly on the way to the graveyard, I tried to keep myself calm, Jeff would be with me, I could rely on him to be there with me, I can do this because he is with me. We picked up the flowers that we had ordered earlier in the week, I wanted something special as it was the anniversary of my dad's death. I didn't care how much they cost, I picked up the large bouquet off the counter, it was beautiful. I had chosen all different coloured roses, roses were my mum's favourite flowers, dad didn't have a favourite so I hoped he would understand the significance. 'Come on princess.' Jeff held my hand as we approached the grave, there was a lump in my throat already. I cleared away the old flowers and placed the new ones in the clean holders. Tears spilled from my eyes, I wish my dad was here with me now. 'I'm sorry for how things turned out, I should have told you the truth about myself. I'm sorry that I lied to you. I just wanted to make you proud of me, I wanted to be the daughter that you deserved. Were you proud of me? I miss you, I love you dad.' Jeff put his hand on my shoulder and I hugged him, I am so glad that he is here. 'Dixie, I do think that your dad was proud of you and everything that you've done with your life.'

'How could he be, I lied to him.'

'That was one event Dixie. Just listen to me for one moment. You've dedicated your life to helping people, every day of your life is spent giving aid and comfort to those in need. I think he is very proud of you for that, despite what you think your dad loves you very much. I have no doubt that he looks down on you from up there and tells everyone that he is near that you are his daughter.'

'Do you really think so?'

'I do.' The tears were still coming, I hate feeling so weak. I angrily wiped them away as if it would stop them from flowing.

'I feel so weak for being like this, I'm letting him down again.'

'No, Dixie, you're not. You're human and you're hurting, it is okay to cry sometimes.' Jeff's warm coat suddenly appeared over my shoulders. 'Trust me, I've shed my fair share of tears, most of them you have seen. Did you think that I was weak Dixie?'

'No, I admired you for how honest you were with your feelings.'

'Then why should anyone think that you are weak Dixie?'

'Because I am, I hid my real self from my dad, a strong person would have told him.'

'You did what you thought was best at the time.'

'You're just trying to make me feel better.'

'No, I'm trying to make you see that you're human and you make mistakes. I do not blame you and I do not think that you're weak. I love you Dixie, just as you are, mistakes and all.' Jeff kissed me, his words had gone some way to helping me feel better, how does he always know what to say to me?

Jeff still had his arms around me, just holding me, I had turned to look at my father's grave some time ago. For some reason I didn't feel so bad, maybe crying my eyes out has somehow made me feel better. It is peaceful here, no sounds, just silence. It has given me time to reflect, I wonder if my dad can see me now, does he know what is happening with me and Jeff? Maybe he's behind it, maybe he's the one that has helped me find the love that I have been looking for all of my life. It is a nice thought, one that I hope is true. 'Jeff, can we go home?'

'Are you ready? If you need more time then we can stay.'

'I'm ready.'

'Okay, come my princess, your chariot awaits.' I smiled, I'm afraid it was quite small and weak but I had managed to smile and that is something.

Jeff made me some tea and toast when we got in, I am glad it is only something small, I do not think I can manage more than that. 'Eat, it will make you feel better.' I slowly ate, Jeff is watching my every move, I know he wants to help me and eating has made me feel somewhat better. 'Your colour has come back, do you feel better?'

'A little bit, I think crying helped me, somehow I feel lighter.'

'Good, I'm glad to hear it. You've been carrying this too long Dixie.'

'You're right. Jeff, will you hold me?'

'Of course I will princess, come here.' Jeff lay down on the sofa and I cuddled up to him, it was nice to be with him like this, just us, no expectation and nobody wanting anything from me.

I drifted into my own world, Jeff's steady heartbeat was calming me and I had a sudden urge to be closer to him. I slipped my hand under his shirt, resting it just above his heart. 'Dixie, what are you doing?'

'What does it feel like?'

'It feels like you're sneaking a quick feel.'

'Do you mind?'

'No, I don't mind. Providing I can return the favour of course.'

'Are you planning on taking advantage of me Mr Collier?'

'No, I just want to have a feel.' I felt Jeff's hand slide under my my t-shirt and rest at the base of my spine, he stroked the skin there with his thumb, it really felt lovely. I sighed, somehow that innocent touch was enough to help me feel connected to Jeff. 'Jeff, that tickles.'

'Good or bad?'

'It feels nice.' I thought about adding don't stop but I decided against it, it was too bold a move for me to contemplate right now.

Jeff's voice broke into my thoughts, I was glad as they had started to veer off in a strange direction. 'Dixie, could you get up, my leg is starting to feel cramped.'

'Sure, sorry Jeff.'

'It's okay princess.' Jeff stretched a few times and massaged the muscle in his leg, typical man really, they really do like to be all dramatic when it comes to injury. I was still thinking about it when I found myself pinned to the floor. 'Jeffrey Collier, get off me this instant.'

'No way, not now I have you exactly where I want you. Are you ticklish princess?'

'No, I'm not.'

'Shall we test that theory?'

'Jeffrey, don't you dare.'

'Too late princess, I must know.' I knew he was distracting me, giving me something else to focus on other than the sorrow of the day, I didn't mind, it was helping me feel more normal. I was surprised by the giggle that came from me, I haven't made such a noise since I was a child. 'Jeffrey... please... stop.' I was helpless, he had me in a vulnerable position and I trusted him, Jeff wouldn't hurt me. 'What will you do to get me to stop?'

'I'll... let... you... drive.' Jeff stopped tickling me, I took advantage of the brief pause to calm myself down.

'All day? For every shout?'

'Half.'

'Not good enough Mrs Collier, all day or I start again.' Bad man, I'll get him for this. Jeff flexed his fingers in my direction, I'd better agree, I can always take it back later. This is war, I just have to figure out what to do to get him back for tickling me. 'All right, you can drive all day tomorrow.'

'I'll hold you to it.'

'Can I get up now?'

'I don't know about that, I quite like having you wriggling about underneath me Dixie.' I felt myself blushing, I hadn't expected Jeff to say anything like that to me. 'You blush, have I embarrassed you?'

'No, I just wasn't expecting you to say something like that.' Jeff let me get up and he sat with me on the sofa.

'Why wouldn't I say anything like that to you?' Jeff sounded concerned.

'No reason.'

'Dixie, tell me the truth.'

'Jeff, do you find me attractive? I'm not exactly a woman that most men want to go out with.'

'I'm not most men Dixie, I love you, to me you are beautiful, forget what everyone else thinks. It is your eyes, your smile and most of all your heart.'

'Thanks Jeff.' I hugged Jeff and he kissed me, he had made me feel happy.

'I mean it.' I smiled, I knew exactly what I was going to do to get him back for tickling me.

I quietly picked up the cushion and stood by the door, I threw it at Jeff and it hit him on the back of the head. Jeff turned around and looked at the cushion that was on the floor. I couldn't help laughing, Jeff did look quite put out by my attack. 'You are going to pay for that Mrs Collier.' I ran up the stairs and grabbed another cushion, Jeff appeared at the top of the stairs and I threw the cushion I held at him. 'No fair Mrs Collier, I'm unarmed.'

'So?' I launched the final cushion I held at Jeff and ran into my room, let the games begin. 'Come on Jeff.' I chucked the second pillow off my bed at Jeff. 'Now you're armed.'

'And dangerous.' He definitely has a James Bond thing going on these days. Jeff hit me with the pillow and I gave just as good back, I am not going to let him beat me. 'Is that all you've got Jeffrey? Come on old man.'

'Old man, I'll give you old.' Jeff stole my pillow and held them out of my reach, he is such a cheat.

'What are you going to do now?' I raised my eyebrow and before he could stop me I pushed Jeff back onto the bed, it gave me enough time to grab both the pillows and hit him with them. 'Hey, that's cheating.'

'What are you going to do about it?' I hadn't anticipated Jeff's next move, he pulled me close and kissed me. I was almost bowled over by the passion and intensity in Jeff's kiss. My mouth opened beneath his kiss and Jeff pulled me closer, his hand stroking my spine. I pushed myself closer to him, I hadn't felt like this in a long time. Jeff pressed soft kisses to my neck, he was getting dangerously close to the one spot that I liked to be kissed. I moaned and gripped Jeff's shirt as his lips ghosted over the hollow at base of my throat. Jeff pulled away and looked at me, he looked like he wanted to ask me something. 'Dixie, do you want this? If I go any further I won't be able to stop myself.'

'Jeffrey, don't stop.'

'Are you sure princess?'

'Very, make love to me Jeffrey.'

'Are you sure this isn't because you're grieving and hurting over your father. I don't want to do this only to have you regret it afterwards.' I thought for a few seconds, I wouldn't regret it, I wanted to do this. 'Jeff, I love you and I want this. I promise you that I am sure, I've never been more sure about anything in my life.' I lay back on the bed. 'Are you going to join me?'

'Now there is an offer I can't refuse Mrs Collier.' Jeff joined me on the bed and kissed me, I put myself in Jeff's hands and let him love me.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

******Author's Note: Thanks again to Beethoven RIP, and chan. nelson4444 for your lovely comments and sticking with the story, can you guess what Jeff has planned for Dixie?  
**

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**Chapter Nineteen... Jeff.**

I awoke to the sensation of someone lying on me, I rubbed my eyes and let them adjust to the light that was coming in through the curtains. I saw Dixie's blonde head lying on my chest. The events of yesterday came back to me; visiting the graveyard, tickling Dixie and then pillow fighting with her. The memory of us kissing and then making love came back to me, it was unexpected but perfect. Whenever I think back over my life in years to come, yesterday will be one of my favourite memories.

My attention turned to the woman currently lying with me in her bed, she's still sleeping. For someone that is so full of energy and life when she is awake, Dixie sleeps very deeply and peacefully. I'm using this time to really look at her, all the worry, anxiety and pain from yesterday has been erased and replaced with a look of contentment. Is it vain to think that it is down to me and my prowess as a lover? Her hair is longer now, it suits her, the cut softens her features and flatters them. She keeps talking about getting it cut short again, I hope that she doesn't. Dixie's legs are tangled with mine, I quite like it, it has been a long time since I've had a woman in my arms after making love to her.

Heat flowed through me when my mind wandered back over us making love, Dixie's eyes never left mine once, it was intense and so very satisfying. It has never been like this with anyone. I saw Dixie's nerves when it was time for us to join together. I stroked her hair and told her that it would be okay. I was aware that this was more than likely Dixie's first time with a man and I could potentially hurt her if I moved too quickly. I went for caution and eased myself slowly inside her, Dixie's eyes widened and she gripped my arms. I kissed her forehead and reassured her, we had all night and I would take this as slow as she needed me to. I gave her some time to get used to the feeling of having me inside her.

Everything after that was a bit of a blur, it was like we couldn't get enough of each other. Dixie's eyes locked onto mine as we moved together, hearing her moan my name sent shivers rocketing through my body. I really do think that it is the closest I have ever been to pure bliss and total perfection. Every other encounter paled in comparison to this one, no other woman has ever made me feel this complete.

We just lay together afterwards, we didn't words. Dixie slowly moved so she was lying with her head on my chest, I gently caressed her skin until she fell asleep. I watched her as she slept, a satisfied smile on her face. I kissed her gently on the forehead so as not to wake her and pulled the quilt around us, it might get cold during the night and I wanted to make sure that my princess is warm and comfortable.

I hugged Dixie, I don't want anyone to take her from me. I hope that she doesn't regret what we did last night, it meant everything to me. I've loved her for so long, imagined what it would be like for us to be a proper couple and now I have that I don't want to lose it. My heart skipped a beat, what if she did regret what we did? Would she kick me out and leave me alone? The thought of living my life without her fills me with fear. Should I have held back and insisted that we wait? I hugged Dixie closer to me, please don't let anyone or anything take her from me.

Dixie stirred in my arms and slowly woke up, she yawned and snuggled into me. 'Morning Jeff.'

'Morning Dixie.'

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing.'

'I can hear it in your voice, I know you're lying to me. What's wrong?'

'You'll think I'm being daft.'

'Try me.' Dixie sat up and tucked the quilt under her arms. I took a deep breath, she might say things I don't want to hear but I have to know. 'Do you regret last night?'

'Regret it?' Dixie sounded confused. 'Why would I?'

'So you don't regret it?'

'No, of course I don't.' My heartbeat slowed at her words, it has been beating so fast I thought it might burst out of my chest. 'Jeff, where has all this come from?' Dixie's confusion had turned into concern.

'Dixie, do you love me?'

'Yes, I love you. Jeff talk to me, what is going on?'

'You won't leave me, will you?'

'Leave you? This about Lucy isn't it?' I flinched at the sound of her name.

'She said she loved me, we got married and had kids, I thought it was going to be forever but she betrayed me. She went behind my back with my best mate, she loved him more than she ever loved me. I don't want to lose you Dixie.'

'Oh love, come here.' Dixie hugged me. 'You're not going to lose me. I love you Jeffrey Collier, just you. Can I tell you something?'

'Yeah.'

'It is not all men Jeff, just you, I wouldn't let any other man into my bed like I did with you last night. You're the only man I want or need in my life.'

'Just me?'

'Just you.' Dixie smiled, I felt better already, she loves me and only me.

We stayed under the covers, I didn't see the point in moving, I was here with my beautiful wife and there is nowhere that I'd rather be. 'Jeff, are you planning on getting up any time soon?'

'What about you?'

'I thought I might stay here.'

'Why do I have to get up?'

'Because you're the man of the house, it is your job to provide the food and bring back treats for the lady of the house. Besides, I want a bath.'

'Maybe I can join you in the bath.'

'Not so fast Romeo, we need milk and things for the fridge, go and get them and maybe I'll let you get in the shower with me later.' I shook my head to remove the image of a dripping wet Dixie in the shower, the shower definitely has possibilities. I grinned at the thought. 'Okay, I'll go and get them, keep the water hot for me.' I quickly got out of the bed and looked around for my clothes. 'Dixie, what did you with my clothes?' I looked at the mess of fabric littering the floor. 'It looks like you just threw them everywhere.'

'Maybe I did, I'm the innocent party though.'

'How so?'

'You seduced me.'

'From where I was standing you didn't take much seducing Dixie.' Dixie stuck her tongue out at me.

'Are you planning on getting dressed Jeff, walking around my room naked, honestly man.'

'Don't act like you don't want me.' Dixie laughed and I smiled, I was glad that we were still able to tease each other and joke about like we used to.

I quickly gathered my clothes and headed to my own room to get a fresh set, we would have to look at the sleeping arrangements, now that we are looking to be sharing one bed on a frequent basis we had no need for the other one. I was quite looking forward to having Dixie in my bed all the time, especially if she is planning a repeat of last night.

I had a fantastic idea on the way to the shop, I was pondering what we could do to cement our new relationship. Then it hit me, I knew exactly what to do. I was still thinking about it on the way home, I was going to have to get a little help. Tamzin owes me one for taking her place with Norman for a day when she needed a break from his endless facts and figures, I'm very sure that my ears are still ringing from listening to him talk through pretty much all of the shift. Besides, I have a feeling she will like helping me to plan my little surprise for Dixie, Tamzin is a romantic at heart and I can play on that to get her to help me.

I quickly put the groceries away in their correct places, Dixie will only start rearranging everything if I don't do it right first time. To be honest, I don't see why she has to have everything in a certain spot, I've always just put things wherever in the fridge and never had a problem finding anything. Maybe it is a woman thing. I was so full of ideas for my plan that I had the urge to start on it right away but it is going to have to wait until I get to work tomorrow.

I looked up the stairs, Dixie was in the shower, I could hear the water running. I took advantage of the time that she wouldn't be able to hear me to place a quick call to Tamzin, I filled her in on my idea and she said she'd be pleased to help out. She said that she would get some ideas together and present them to me when Dixie wasn't around. I am very pleased with my idea, it is perfect, I am going to have to find a way to keep it from Dixie as I want it to be surprise for her. She might want to kill me for it at first but I have a feeling she will love it in the end.


	20. Chapter 20

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**********Author's Note: Thanks again to Beethoven RIP, and chan. nelson4444 for your support, are you ready for what Dixie thinks of last night?**  


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**Chapter Twenty... Dixie.**

I woke wrapped in a pair of warm arms, Jeff, he's holding me close to him. I yawned and snuggled in closer to him, having Jeff around is like having my own personal hot water bottle. I'm lying on him so he isn't going anywhere any time soon, good, he's keeping me warm and quite cosy. 'Morning Jeff.'

'Morning Dixie.'

'What's wrong?' I heard a wavering in his voice as he spoke, something is bothering him

'Nothing.'

'I can hear it in your voice, I know you're lying to me. What's wrong?'

'You'll think I'm being daft.'

'Try me.' I sat up and covered myself with the quilt, I wasn't quite ready to show Jeff my body in the harsh light of day just yet. Something was bothering Jeff and it worried me, I had never seen him like this. I have seen him cry and be vulnerable, but this is something else. 'Do you regret last night?' So that is what is bothering him.

'Regret it?' I am confused, I consented and I wanted it as much as he did, I feel like I'm missing something here. 'Why would I?'

'So you don't regret it?'

'No, of course I don't.' Jeff looked relieved, I still think that there is something more to this whole situation. 'Jeff, where has all this come from?' I'm concerned, there is something eating away at Jeff, I don't know what it is but I am going to find out. 'Dixie, do you love me?'

'Yes, I love you. Jeff talk to me, what is going on?'

'You won't leave me, will you?'

'Leave you? This about Lucy isn't it?' Jeff flinched, it was then I knew I was right, Lucy was behind this sudden display of vulnerability and fear from Jeff.

'She said she loved me, we got married and had kids, I thought it was going to be forever but she betrayed me. She went behind my back with my best mate, she loved him more than she ever loved me. I don't want to lose you Dixie.'

'Oh love, come here.' I hugged Jeff, he needed me now, I would never be like Lucy, I love Jeff and that will never change. 'You're not going to lose me. I love you Jeffrey Collier, just you. Can I tell you something?'

'Yeah.'

'It is not all men Jeff, just you, I wouldn't let any other man into my bed like I did with you last night. You're the only man I want or need in my life.'

'Just me?'

'Just you.' I smiled, Jeff relaxed in my arms, he'd been tense up until now. I hope that he is feeling better now.

Jeff didn't seem to want to move, I've been watching him to make sure that he is really feeling all right again. Everything has changed now, it is only natural that Jeff is feeling out of sorts. I had no idea that he could be so insecure. The impression he gave out when I first met him was that he was fine with his womanising ways, who knew that underneath all that bravado was somebody looking for someone to love him. 'Jeff, are you planning on getting up any time soon?'

'What about you?'

'I thought I might stay here.'

'Why do I have to get up?'

'Because you're the man of the house, it is your job to provide the food and bring back treats for the lady of the house. Besides, I want a bath.'

'Maybe I can join you in the bath.'

'Not so fast Romeo, we need milk and things for the fridge, go and get them and maybe I'll let you get in the shower with me later.' Jeff grinned, he is definitely having naughty thoughts about the shower. Every man is the same, if you want them to do something then just promise them something they want. 'Okay, I'll go and get them, keep the water hot for me.' See, already he has agreed to do what I want, just the promise of shower time got him moving. Jeff looked around at the piles of our clothes on the floor. 'Dixie, what did you with my clothes?' Jeff looked down again, we did make quite a mess last night. 'It looks like you just threw them everywhere.'

'Maybe I did, I'm the innocent party though.'

'How so?'

'You seduced me.'

'From where I was standing you didn't take much seducing Dixie.' I stuck my tongue out at Jeff, it took him years to get me into bed, easily seduced, I think not. 'Are you planning on getting dressed Jeff, walking around my room naked, honestly man.'

'Don't act like you don't want me.' I laughed, it was so typical of Jeff to say something like that. Jeff smiled, I knew from that smile that he was feeling a lot better.

Jeff picked up his clothes and left the room, it is a good job we are on the top floor or the neighbours would be getting to see a whole lot more of Jeff than they wanted to. I stayed in bed until I heard Jeff close the door, it looks we're going to have to sort out the bedroom arrangements, separate rooms clearly isn't going to work now. I picked up my bathrobe off the back of the door and pulled it on. I looked at my clothes on the floor and picked them up, I wanted to go over everything that had happened in this room last night.

I ran my bath just how I like it, lots of bubbles is a must. I sank gratefully into the water, the house is awfully quiet when Jeff isn't around. It will give me time to think about everything. When I was younger I was trying to work out who I was, I had boyfriends to try and prove to myself that I was normal. Nothing ever seemed to work out, I didn't get beyond a few fumbles in the dark of the cinema. Then I met a girl, Gemma her name was. We kissed during a game of spin the bottle, she already knew that she was a lesbian. For the first time I felt something, her kisses awakened something in me. It was then I realised I was attracted to women.

No man or woman has ever made me feel the way that Jeff did last night. It was strange how playing turned to kissing and then to making love. I don't class myself as a virgin but I suppose that physically I am. I wasn't afraid, I knew that Jeff wouldn't hurt me. We spent a long time kissing and touching each other. To my surprise I found Jeff touching me a complete turn on, I wanted him, needed him. I was nervous but Jeff comforted me, he stroked my hair and told me that everything would be okay. Jeff lay me back in the covers and slipped slowly inside me, I felt a little discomfort but no pain. I held onto him until he was fully inside me, I hadn't expected to feel as complete as I did in that moment. Jeff's tender kiss on my forehead brought me back into the present, he was lying still, his full length buried inside my body. I meant what I said to Jeff, no other man would get to do this with me, just him, I only wanted him to make love to me like this. I smiled, I had moaned his name, that took me by surprise too. I lost myself in the sensations that were running through my body. Jeff held me in his arms and I moved until I was lying on his chest, I was tired but happy. Jeff's fingers were making little trails over my back, I soon found myself drifting off to sleep.

I climbed out of the bath and got myself dressed, I heard Jeff start to put things away in the fridge and cupboards, he better be putting them away in the right places. As well as I have him trained he does sometimes get lazy and puts things wherever he thinks they should go. I love him though, it is just a small thing and I am glad that he makes the effort instead of sitting on the sofa drinking beer all the time.

I turned the shower on and washed my hair with it, it is much easier than trying to do it over the sink. There is the upside that it would get Jeff to thinking about our conversation earlier, the one about the shower. I smiled at the thought, maybe it needs further exploration. We have plenty of time and I'm pretty sure that Jeff can be quite inventive when it comes to women. I have definitely surprised myself these past two days. I turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around my head, I went out onto the landing and heard Jeff talking to someone, it was just the last part of the conversation that I heard. He had been talking to Tamzin, it appears that my dear husband is planning something. I know he mentioned something about her owing him for taking her place with Norman one day, he is calling in the debt. I wonder what he is up to? Perhaps I will let him plan in secret, if there is anything that I have learned from my experiences lately, it is that I am beginning to like Jeff's surprises, especially when they lead to moments like the ones from last night.


	21. Chapter 21

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**************Author's Note: Thanks again to Beethoven RIP, and chan. nelson4444 for your comments, I will try and get another update done seeing as I missed one yesterday due to seeing the rasmus play in Manchester :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-One... Jeff.**

Dixie is in a meeting all day today, something to do with figures and budgets. She hates going to meetings, I know that she would rather be out in the ambulance with me. The one good ting about Dixie being in that meeting is I have to work with Tamzin, she has brought me a lot of ideas for Dixie's surprise. I am quite impressed with how much she has managed to put together in such a short space of time.

Tamzin next to me as I started to leaf through the brochures that she had brought in. 'Jeff, why do you need information on hotels? Are you planning on taking Dixie somewhere?'

'Tamzin, can you keep a secret?'

'Yes.'

'I want to arrange for us to renew our wedding vows.'

'Does this have something to do with why Dixie has started wearing her wedding ring?'

'You've noticed that then?'

'Yes, I thought that it was a bit odd considering that yours isn't exactly the conventional marriage.'

'It is now.'

'What, you and Dixie, tell me everything.'

'Basically, we had a fight and I confessed to loving Dixie in the heat of the moment.'

'What happened?'

'She told me that she loves me too, which was a bit of a surprise. We've been feeling it for a while, only we never found the courage to tell each other until recently.'

'And? Jeff, come on, tell me, stop dragging it out for dramatic effect.'

'A few nights ago, I tickled Dixie, she's very ticklish, just in case you didn't know. Some very childish pillow fighting followed and we ended up in bed together and making love.'

'Pillow fighting?' Tamzin grinned. 'You two are very big kids. So you slept together?'

'We did, I know it is unbelievable.'

'I think it is sweet. You two represent everything that I want in life, I know you argue from time to time but you're perfect for each other.'

'Thanks, you will have it one day Tamzin, you're a lovely woman.' Tamzin smiled

'I shouldn't have to say this Jeff but look after her, if you don't all of this station will be looking to kill you.'

'I know, I am looking after her, I promise.'

'Good, make sure that you do.'

'I will.' Tamzin looked satisfied, I fear that she will make me suffer if I step out of line.

I carried on looking through the brochures, lucky for me it is a quiet day and I can have a proper look at them. Tamzin is reading over my shoulder as I do so. 'How about that one?' She pointed at the brochure I was reading. 'The Thistle Hotel?'

'I went there once with my mum for afternoon tea, it is lovely in there.'

'I agree, it looks nice.'

'They do a full package, it even includes an evening party.'

'I'm not sure, it looks a bit posh for us.'

'Do you really think so?'

'I want it to be a little more low key.'

'Yeah, I see your point. I've got an idea, we'll do it at your house, at night.'

'You've lost me.'

'Anyone can officiate a ceremony like this, why don't we get some of your closest friends to do it?'

'Okay, I think Dixie would appreciate it more this way.'

'Me too, I'll take Dixie out for the day, we'll get our hair and make up done and then I'll bring her back in time for the ceremony all dressed and ready.'

'We make a good team.'

'Yes we do, we need a list of things to do.' Tamzin took a pen and started writing things down on a piece of paper, there is a lot to do, this is going to take a while.

I am still wondering how we are going to manage all of this, without help it will take a long time. 'Jeff, I'll get some of the other crew members to help out and I'll swear them all to secrecy.'

'Thank you.'

'Who do you want to do the ceremony?'

'I think you should.'

'Me?' Tamzin looked surprised.

'Why not? You're doing all of this for us after all.'

'Okay, I'll do it.'

'Thank you Tamzin, you're an angel.'

'I'm glad you think so.'

'You are.' I hugged Tamzin, she was doing so much for us, I really hoped that all of this went well.

I am excited, I'm not usually prone to getting excited about things but this is different, this means a lot to me and I'm sure that it will to Dixie as well. She might want to kill me at first but I hope that she will see it as a good thing in the end. I wish that her father and mother could be there for this, to see how far she's come. I am going to have to work really hard not to let anything about this slip out. It is probably best to put on the invites that nobody is to say anything to Dixie about this, it is the only way that it will remain a surprise.

Tamzin has got rid of all the brochures and is currently planning decorations and flowers and cakes, she really has taken to all this, if she wasn't a paramedic then she probably would be a party planner. She keeps smiling every so often, probably when she comes up with good ideas. 'Jeff, what flowers should we get?'

'Roses.'

'It'll be expensive.'

'I know, but Dixie's mum always loved roses. What are you planning?'

'To decorate your garden with them. I'm going to turn it into paradise. I'm talking lights in the trees, Chinese lanterns, candles and flowers everywhere. I'll talk to my mum about doing food, she is a fabulous cook.'

'Tamzin, aren't you going a bit overboard on all of this?'

'No, it will be simple I promise. Things like sandwiches, buffet stuff, finger food that people can help themselves to whenever they feel like. I'll bring my ipod and we can have music too.'

'Okay, you sound like you've got it all under control. Is there anything I can do?'

'Yes, I need you to arrange a photographer and talk to a florist about getting us some roses, ones in different colours. I've already got jobs for everyone and those are yours. I'll check back with you in a couple of days to see how you're getting on.' My mouth twitched into a smile, it appears that Tamzin has been taking lessons from Dixie in how to be bossy.

I looked around when I heard Dixie's voice, she was back from her meeting. 'Tamzin, Dixie's back.'

'Crap,' I laughed as she quickly picked up her list and notes and shoved them under her jacket seconds before Dixie came through the door. 'Afternoon Dixie, how did your meeting go?'

'Boring, as usual, I am glad that they are only once a month.' Dixie went to the machine and got herself a coffee. 'I really thought I was going to fall asleep. Maybe I'll delegate it to someone else next time, how do you feel like going to the meeting for me Jeff?'

'Not likely.'

'Come on, I'll make it worth your while.' Dixie gave me a very saucy look, I had to resist the urge to give her anything she wanted. 'No way, not now, not ever.' I heard Tamzin laughing in the corner.

'You two are so cute, I have to make a call so I'll see you later.' Tamzin was still chuckling as she walked out of the door.

Dixie turned to me when Tamzin had gone, she looks suspicious, that is not good. 'What is with her?'

'Nothing, she's just feeling a bit sentimental today.'

'Jeff, you are a lousy liar. What's going on?' I really am going to have to think on my feet to get myself out of this one.

'She knows about us, about how we're a proper couple now.'

'You told her?'

'She just happened to mention that she'd noticed you'd been wearing your wedding ring.'

'What did she say?'

'She thinks we're cute and made for each other.'

'Does anyone else know?'

'No, just Tamzin. Dixie, do you not want people to know about us?' I was worried, was she ashamed of us and what we did?

'I need time Jeff, this is all new to me, I know that people will find out but can I have some time to process everything?'

'So you're not ashamed of us?'

'Of course not, come here.' Dixie pulled me into a hug, I knew I was being silly. Dixie loved me.

'Do you mind that I told Tamzin?'

'No, she's obviously happy for us.'

'She is.' Dixie pulled me closer and her hand slipped under the jacket of my uniform. 'Where is that hand of yours going Mrs Collier?'

'What can I say, I quite like the man in uniform look.'

'Do you now?' I kissed Dixie and her hand slipped further down my back until it rested just above the waistband of my trousers. I was getting into kissing her when my radio went off. 'Damn.'

'Go on Mr Collier, duty calls.'

'Wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?'

'Since when do you quote Shakespeare?'

'Since you started trying to seduce me at work.'

'I did nothing of the sort, however, if you're good, I'll seduce you later.'

'I'll hold you to that Mrs Collier.' I gave Dixie another kiss, now that I could kiss her I was going to take every advantage of it. I pulled away when I heard a whistle behind me. I turned to see Tamzin stood there. 'Come on Casanova, we have work to do.' Dixie started laughing.

'That's it Tamzin, make sure he knows who's boss.'

'Don't worry, I do.'

'What is it with all the women ganging up on me today?' Dixie and Tamzin laughed, I am going to have to watch out for those two. I blew Dixie as a kiss as I left the room and followed Tamzin to the ambulance. I really hoped Dixie would make good on her promise later.


	22. Chapter 22

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

******************Author's Note: Thanks again to Beethoven RIP, and chan. nelson4444 for your comments, here is the other update as promised :)**  


* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Two... Dixie.**

One of the downsides of being the boss is having to go to these meetings and listen to boring people talk all day about cutting costs and whether we have met the financial targets for this month or not. I hate what they are trying to do to the ambulance service. Those stuffed shirts haven't set foot in an ambulance in their lives. I do not know what makes them so qualified to tell us that we need to cut costs when they haven't seen what we have to deal with on a daily basis. I've seen people in distress because of injury or illness, women that are about to give birth and children that need our help.

Where would these people be without us? What would happen to them if we couldn't get to them because someone decided that it was costing too much to send an ambulance out to them. How much does a human life cost? I've tried to think in the way that they do, to see the people that I treat as just numbers and I can't do it. For every person that I've treated and helped I've seen the human side of their story. I can't forget every life that I've saved and the ones that I've lost along the way. If they keep cutting the money we have to maintain the ambulances and buy new equipment then people will suffer and I'm not having that happen. I will continue to fight for the people we help, if I don't then who will? Who will stop those suits from trying to increase their own profits?

I've always wanted to be a paramedic, even as a young girl I knew. When I was unsure about everything else, that is something that has never changed. I've always wanted to help people, no matter how hard it gets. When I was offered the chance to be in charge I jumped at it, I could make a difference from the top, make sure that every paramedic is given the chance to achieve their potential. It is my intention that every person gets the chance to live, that we can save as many lives as possible. I would spend every last penny in this place if it meant that more people could stay alive. I don't care if the bosses don't like me, they can hate me, I will keep up this crusade and being annoying for as long as I have to.

I would rather be out there and working with Jeff than in here listening to the lecture on how we must bring the costs down. I think I might actually tell them to shove it one of these days. Maybe I'll record our shouts and show it to them, I wonder how many of them would actually want us to cut costs when they see someone bleeding to death or stuck in car which means they could possibly lose their legs. I was glad when the meeting ended, I had to get out of this place and get the stench of those stuffed shirts and their money-hungry attitude out of my nose.

I walked as quickly as I could away from the building where we had held the meeting, there is a park across the road. I didn't much feel like going back to the hospital just yet, I needed time to calm down and settle myself before going back. The meeting had riled me, just like it always does. I took a deep breath and sat down on the bench in front of me. I don't think that the bosses would approve if they knew of my little trips to the park after their meetings, I don't care, I'm not the one destroying the ambulance service.

I watched the people walking around the park, going about their own business, some people are running or jogging and others are just simply enjoying themselves. These are the moments that I want to protect, the normal and the special moments. These are the people that I do my job for, they might be ordinary but each person in this park is special to someone.

I was pondering this when a family walked into the park; two little girls and their mum and dad. They had obviously come to walk their dog and play, it made me smile. I watched them, the girls throwing the ball for the dog and then he brought it back to them. The parents were sat watching the girls play and talking amongst themselves. The girls' laughter clearly showed that they were enjoying themselves. It was so innocent and pure. I looked down when something hit my foot, it was the ball, the younger girl shyly approached me. I picked up the ball. 'Is this yours?' She nodded and I handed her the ball. 'What's your name?'

'Ellie. Thank you for my ball.'

'You're welcome, sweet pea.'

'Ellie,' the girl's sister called her. 'Come on Ellie, I want to play.'

'I got to go, bye bye.'

'Bye darling.' Ellie ran off carrying the ball and started playing with her sister again.

I've always wanted to be a mum one day, I thought that when I found a woman that I could settle down with then we'd adopt or get a sperm donor and have children that way. It never happened, my life has changed in so many ways. I still want to be a mum, would Jeff want more kids? He has Sophia and John already, I know that he never sees them much these days. He talks to them on the phone and sends them presents but it isn't the same, I know he misses them. They miss him too, I'm sure of it. Jeff does what he can for them, perhaps when they're older they can come and visit and stay for a little while.

Maybe I'll bring up children with Jeff one day, I just hope that I am not too late to have them. I'm nearly forty, I know that my fertility drops with each year that goes by. Perhaps it is a conversation to have when we go to bed one night, we don't always make love, sometimes we read and sometimes we just cuddle and talk. I like doing all those things, it is like we make some unspoken agreement on what we will do that evening. I stood up and left the park, I was feeling better, it was time to go and see my husband and friends.

I said hello to the people that were around and headed to the rec room, Tamzin and Jeff were in there and it looks as if they are up to something. 'Tamzin, Dixie's back.'

'Crap.' I saw her stuffing something inside her jacket, they are definitely up to something

'Afternoon Dixie, how did your meeting go?' So they're going to pretend they're not doing anything, very well, I will bide my time.

'Boring, as usual, I am glad that they are only once a month.' I poured myself a coffee, I really needed it after that meeting. 'I really thought I was going to fall asleep. Maybe I'll delegate it to someone else next time, how do you feel about going to the meeting for me Jeff?'

'Not likely.'

'Come on, I'll make it worth your while.' I gave him a look that suggested exactly what I would give him.

'No way, not now, not ever.' Tamzin was watching us and laughing

'You two are so cute, I have to make a call so I'll see you later.' She looks as if she knows about Jeff and me, I wonder if he has told her.

I turned to Jeff, I know that something is going on and I want to know what. 'What is with her?'

'Nothing, she's just feeling a bit sentimental today.'

'Jeff, you are a lousy liar. What's going on?' I can see the wheels in his head turning, he's looking for something to say.

'She knows about us, about how we're a proper couple now.'

'You told her?'

'She just happened to mention that she'd noticed you'd been wearing your wedding ring.'

'What did she say?'

'She thinks we're cute and made for each other.'

'Does anyone else know?'

'No, just Tamzin. Dixie, do you not want people to know about us?' Jeff looked worried, sometimes I forget how easily his feelings can be hurt.

'I need time Jeff, this is all new to me, I know that people will find out but can I have some time to process everything?'

'So you're not ashamed of us?'

'Of course not, come here.' I hugged him, he needed my reassurance now.

'Do you mind that I told Tamzin?'

'No, she's obviously happy for us.'

'She is.' I pulled Jeff closer to me, sliding my hand up inside his coat. 'Where is that hand of yours going Mrs Collier?'

'What can I say, I quite like the man in uniform look.'

'Do you now?' Jeff kissed me, I let my hand wander down his back and then settle at the waistband of his trousers. Our kissing was getting quite intense when Jeff's radio went off. 'Damn.'

'Go on Mr Collier, duty calls.'

'Wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?'

'Since when do you quote Shakespeare?'

'Since you started trying to seduce me at work.'

'I did nothing of the sort, however, if you're good, I'll seduce you later.'

'I'll hold you to that Mrs Collier.' Jeff kissed me again, he really was taking advantage of the fact I allowed him to kiss me now. Jeff moved away when somebody whistled from behind us. Tamzin was stood there watching us. 'Come on Casanova, we have work to do.' I laughed, Tamzin had been clearly learning from me when it comes to dealing with Jeff.

'That's it Tamzin, make sure he knows who's boss.'

'Don't worry, I do.'

'What is it with all the women ganging up on me today?' I laughed and Tamzin joined in, Jeff really had better watch out. Tamzin has come out of her shell lately, I don't think that Jeff is going to get away with anything now. Jeff blew me a kiss and left the room, I would bring up children with him one day when the time is right.


	23. Chapter 23

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: K**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**********************Author's Note: Thanks again to Beethoven RIP, and chan. nelson4444 for your comments and PMs regarding this story, I really like this chapter :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Three... Jeff.**

I've been given the task of cleaning out the ambulance after a very muddy shout, we can't go back out until it is all done. It has been raining all day, Dixie hates the rain, it always affects her mood. The fact it is raining is why she hiding in her office. I'm using the time to think about our upcoming celebration. So far we have managed to keep the vow renewal ceremony secret from Dixie. Tamzin has recruited a whole host of people to help out with this; me, Sam, Dylan, Tess, Charlie, Fletch, Tom, everyone on the ambulance crew and her mum. The preparations are going well, everything is on track, I've organised the photographer and the flowers will be delivered to our house once Dixie and Tamzin have left to have their hair done.

Tamzin is surprisingly good at lying to Dixie, I've never managed to lie to Dixie yet. I am going to have to get some tips from Tamzin on what she does. Maybe it takes a woman to lie to a woman. She's convinced Dixie to agree to a party at our house on the evening of the renewal for select members of staff. She's even got her to agree to going out for the day so that they can get their hair done and buy a new outfit. Tamzin is playing on Dixie's habit of taking younger paramedics under her wing and looking after them, she says that she needs Dixie's opinion as she wants to look her best for the evening. Tamzin is almost as good at scheming as Dixie is. While they're out everyone else will work on getting the house and garden ready.

Tess and Charlie are in charge of getting everything sorted, Tamzin refused to have anyone else doing it. If they can run the department then surely they can organise a party. I am glad that we have two capable people in charge of the operation. I don't know how Tamzin has managed it but she has somehow convinced me to hire a proper suit. I hate them but I want this day to be special so I will put up with the discomfort just this once. I'm glad that everyone has come together to help us out with this, they've all responded to the invites too saying that they will be there. Dixie had better watch out, Tamzin looks at home doing all this organising, she'll be after Dixie's job soon.

All of this has made me realise just how many friends we have at work, without them I wouldn't be able to pull this off. I am grateful for all of the hard work that they are putting in to make this day special. Tamzin is keeping me informed of everything that is going on, just yesterday I saw her and Sam looking at decorations in the boot of Sam's car. They are currently stashed at Sam's house, she will keep them there until the day. If all of this was left to me I would be running around with things still left undone and half of my clothes missing.

I hope that Dixie isn't going to be too mad at me for doing all of this behind her back, she doesn't like to be the centre of attention but I think she deserves to be. She gives freely of her time to anyone that needs help, I've lost count of the time that she has rushed around to the house of a colleague that is ill with some soup and hugs. Whatever people need then Dixie is quite happy to give it to them. I've seen her take countless new paramedics under her wing and look after them until they get over their first couple of days. Many of them have gone on to run their own units after she has looked after them.

Our first wedding was a simple affair and the end of it wasn't perfect, the reasons we got together in the first place are not important. I want us to draw a line under all that and start anew, a completely different page of our life together. I think it is important to celebrate finding each other, it has taken us a long time but that's not important, what we have now means the world to us and that is all that matters. I want this evening to be really special for us, it signifies that we are now properly man and wife and have come through some tough times.

I have lots of hope for the future, we have lots of time together, I'm looking forward to it. I know we have our moments, every husband and wife argues from time to time but we have come through it stronger and closer than we were in the past. I know when Dixie is disappointed in me and it always makes me want to do something to change it. Her disappointment is worse than her anger, she makes me want to be a better man and a better paramedic. Everyone needs someone like Dixie in their life, she makes me feel wanted and loved, I can't think of anything more important.

I can see so much potential in our future, we can do anything we want. I don't see us straying too far from Holby, our life is here. Some things may have to change in the future but I hope they will be good ones. Dixie would make a great mum, she's kind and compassionate, I cannot deny that seeing her with our baby growing inside of her belly is an attractive prospect for me. I remember her telling me that she's always wanted to be a mum, she looked quite disgusted when I asked if she was suggesting that we slept together. How times have changed, we share a bed every night, being together is natural now. Little Abs might not be the only baby in the house soon. We have a spare room, there is room for a baby. I don't want to push Dixie though, she's got used to having me around at night. We've been feeling our way through the changes, Dixie is taking the lead more now. I like her new confident side, it is very attractive. I never thought that I would see the day when she would come on to me at work. It definitely raises some interesting possibilities, I may have to bring them up with Dixie one day and see what she thinks. I have a few ideas surrounding that sofa in her office.

I sat back on my heels, this is by far the part I hate most about my job. I looked up to see Dixie coming over to the ambulance. 'I thought you could use a coffee.'

'You are an angel princess.'

'All clean?'

'For now, though in this weather who knows how long it is going to last.'

'I know, it has been raining all day. I hate this weather.' Dixie sat next to me on the bed and put her head on my shoulder.

'Is everything all right Dixie?'

'Yeah, just the weather.'

'Are you sure? You would tell me if something was bothering you, wouldn't you?'

'Of course I would. Do you ever think of the future Jeff?'

'Sometimes, though a few minutes ago I was thinking of making good use of the sofa in your office.'

'I beg your pardon. Are you having impure thoughts about your boss Jeffrey Collier?'

'Definitely, especially if you keep on being all bossy.'

'Very well, as the boss of this station I will consider your request and get back to you in due course.'

'Thank you, Mrs Collier. Do I need to put my request in writing?'

'I do not think that will be necessary.' Dixie put her head back on my shoulder again.

'Dix, what did you mean about the future?'

'Many things, the rain makes me think.'

'We've got time. What are you thinking about?'

'Children.' That got my attention, I had known that it would come up again. 'I know you have Sophia and John and you might not want more children.'

'Dixie...'

'It's okay if you don't, we're not exactly young are we?'

'Dix, listen to me, I think you would make a wonderful mother.'

'There's a but coming isn't there?'

'Kathleen Collier, will you let me speak?' Dixie nodded. 'You have a good heart, you're kind and care for people. All those qualities will make you an excellent mother. I don't think we're too old.'

'What are you saying?'

'I'm saying that I think we should try for a child.' Dixie's mouth fell open.

'Do you really mean that?'

'Of course I do. Come here princess.' I hugged Dixie and kissed her head.

'What do we do now?'

'I think that is obvious, we practice.'

'I thought you might say that.'

'Dixie, look.'

'What is it?'

'The rain has stopped.' I helped Dixie stand up and we stood outside the ambulance as a rainbow appeared in the sky. A smile bloomed on Dixie's face.

'It's beautiful.'

'Just like my lovely wife.' I like to think that the rain has stopped because Dixie is happy and the rainbow is a blessing on our decision to have a child. I pulled Dixie to me, the future is looking very bright.


	24. Chapter 24

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: T  
**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**************************Author's Note: Thanks again to Beethoven RIP, and chan. nelson4444 for your comments and PMs regarding this story, I couldn't resist posting this one :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Four... Dixie.**

Rain... I hate the rain, the skies are miserable and cold, we've just been out on a shout that ended in the ambulance getting seriously muddy. I asked Jeff if he wouldn't mind cleaning it out for me, I'm not in the mood for dealing with it right now. He seemed to sense that I needed some time alone and agreed, I'm glad, I do feel bad about leaving him to it but I need to get away from this rain. I've never been good in the rain. If there is one thing that can affect my mood it is the rain. I got myself a hot chocolate and the emergency bar of chocolate that I keep hidden behind the files in my office. I'm feeling fragile right now, the rain always means I think too much.

I sat down on the sofa and wrapped my hands around the warmth of the cup, I closed my eyes and savoured the taste of the hot chocolate. It is making me feel better, chocolate always does. I sip the hot drink slowly and curl my feet up underneath me. I just need some downtime, it all started this morning when I woke up with a headache. It signifies that my body is starting to play games with me and my moods. Sometimes I hate being a woman, when I was younger I used to feel like I was living in hell for a week every month. My pains and headaches got so bad that in the end my doctor put me on the pill, I was so relieved when the next month passed with barely any pain. As I've got older the pain in my stomach has faded away to barely anything though the headaches still plague me.

Another month, another chance to be a mother gone, it makes me sad. Jeff doesn't know why my mood dips at this time, he just thinks that it is down to my hormones. I let him think that as I have never wanted him to feel that he has to give me a child. I know that he would have done if I had asked him, he would have donated sperm if I had asked him to. He would have climbed into bed with me if I had asked him to do that too, I didn't want to take advantage of the feelings that I suspected he had for me.

The first time I thought of my period as a missed chance of having a baby was during a storm. It was just after I had married Jeff, my father had just died and I realised for the first time I was all alone. Both of my parents had gone and it was just me, I have no brothers or sisters, if I didn't have any children then our family wouldn't exist. I was down to begin with and then my hormones started their usual games. It was worse this time, I was tired through not sleeping and grief, the headaches were the final straw. I snapped at Jeff a few times, he was just trying to help but I felt smothered by him. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to suffer but Jeff refused to leave me. I had cried at the hospital when my dad died but after that I felt hollow and numb. Jeff just held me, I lay in his arms as I couldn't fight him any more. I didn't remember falling asleep but I must have as when I awoke it was daylight.

That was the day the storm came, Jeff made me take the day off, I told him that he had to go in. I stayed in my pyjamas all day, I didn't even move out of bed. I pulled the covers over my head, the day was grey and miserable, it suited my mood. I heard the rain pouring down the windows, my head was pounding from the stress of dealing with the funeral. I just wanted close my eyes and when I opened them again it would all be a bad dream. My headache got steadily worse and my stomach started to hurt, I hadn't taken my pill in days and it was showing. I hadn't even realised that I was crying until the tears dripped onto my hand. I was mourning my father but I was also crying for the fact that I had never been able to give him a grandchild and he was gone.

I had pulled the covers from over my head to see that rain was worse, I had been asleep, Jeff coming in from work had woken me up. He pushed my door open and sat with me, I don't remember what he said but it caused me to cry again. I broke down properly for the first time, Jeff pulled me into his arms and held me, though crying made me feel better I still held onto the guilt I felt for a long time.

Whenever it rains it reminds me of a time when I felt lower than I've ever been in my life, without Jeff I don't know what I would have done, probably something stupid. He took it all, my ranting and raving, the crying and pushing him away. In the end I realised all I wanted was for him to hold me and never let me go. Did I love him then? I'm not sure, maybe as a friend. Over time our friendship grew stronger and then turned into love and here we are, sharing the same bed and behaving like any other couple. I don't think that I can hold off telling Jeff about wanting a child, I think he should know how I feel. I promised him that I would be open with him and by hiding it I am not fulfilling that promise. That is why I hate the rain, it reminds of a time when things were very dark indeed. I stood up, that was then and this now, I am going to have to tell Jeff about how I feel and see what he thinks, it is better that I know.

I quickly made Jeff a coffee and took it to him, it is the least I can do for him after bailing on him. Jeff looked up as I approached, he must have heard me coming. 'I thought you could use a coffee.'

'You are an angel princess.'

'All clean?'

'For now, though in this weather who knows how long it is going to last.'

'I know, it has been raining all day. I hate this weather.' I sat next to Jeff on the ambulance bed and put my head on his shoulder.

'Is everything all right Dixie?'

'Yeah, just the weather.'

'Are you sure? You would tell me if something was bothering you, wouldn't you?'

'Of course I would. Do you ever think of the future Jeff?'

'Sometimes, though a few minutes ago I was thinking of making good use of the sofa in your office.'

'I beg your pardon. Are you having impure thoughts about your boss Jeffrey Collier?'

'Definitely, especially if you keep on being all bossy.'

'Very well, as the boss of this station I will consider your request and get back to you in due course.'

'Thank you, Mrs Collier. Do I need to put my request in writing?'

'I do not think that will be necessary.' I settled my head back on Jeff's shoulder, maybe one day I'll grant his request.

'Dix, what did you mean about the future?'

'Many things, the rain makes me think.'

'We've got time. What are you thinking about?'

'Children.' Jeff just looked at me, no matter what the outcome is I have to do this. 'I know you have Sophia and John and you might not want more children.'

'Dixie...'

'It's okay if you don't, we're not exactly young are we?'

'Dix, listen to me, I think you would make a wonderful mother.'

'There's a but coming isn't there?'

'Kathleen Collier, will you let me speak?' I nodded, I wonder what he has to say to me. 'You have a good heart, you're kind and care for people. All those qualities will make you an excellent mother. I don't think we're too old.'

'What are you saying?'

'I'm saying that I think we should try for a child.' I realised that my mouth was open, I was still processing what he had just said to me.

'Do you really mean that?'

'Of course I do. Come here princess.' Jeff hugged me and kissed my head, I am relieved if a bit nervous, having a child is a big deal.

'What do we do now?'

'I think that is obvious, we practice.'

'I thought you might say that.'

'Dixie, look.'

'What is it?'

'The rain has stopped.' Jeff helped me to stand up, I got out of the ambulance and looked up at the sky, the grey clouds were disappearing and being replaced by a clear blue, a rainbow followed, the colours clearly visible. I felt myself smile.

'It's beautiful.'

'Just like my lovely wife.' Jeff pulled me to him and I settled myself into the arms of my husband and future father of my child. A warm feeling moved through me at the thought, I was going to be a mum one day and I couldn't wait.


	25. Chapter 25

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: T  
**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

******************************Author's Note: Thanks again to Beethoven RIP, and chan. nelson4444 for your comments and PMs regarding this story, you might want to keep a tissue handy for this chapter  
**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Five... Jeff.**

Tamzin came and picked Dixie up a short while ago, I was hoping that she wouldn't be late as the flowers were due any minute. But everything went to plan and Dixie is successfully out of the house, the flowers are here and everyone that is going to help me today has arrived. Tess is giving everyone jobs to do, she has a list, Tamzin gave it to her yesterday and we're slowly ticking things off one by one. I am currently making sure that all the roses are in water, we won't be putting them out until later and I don't want them wilting. Anyone that is working will be joining us later, we might need extra hands to do things depending on how all this goes.

Sam has dropped off most of the decorations, she has some more to get from her house so she has disappeared off to get those. Meanwhile everyone else is working really hard, Dylan and Fletch are putting up the Chinese lanterns in the trees. Dylan is precariously hanging off the ladder and Fletch is telling him to stop it. I really hope he doesn't injure himself in the process, we need everyone in one piece. If Sam was here Dylan would be in serious trouble, they've been getting on better these days, nobody really knows what is going on between them. Tess has split Dylan and Fletch up, it appears she's fed up of them arguing. Fletch isn't that bothered, he's been put with Jessica from our team, it looks as if he is quite pleased with that. If he does anything to hurt her I will have his head.

'Jeff,' I turned to see Tess stood behind me. 'Everything is going well, so far anyway.'

'Thank you for doing all this.'

'It is my pleasure, you and Dixie mean a lot to everyone, it is going to be beautiful.'

'I hope so, I just hope she doesn't get mad at me for doing all of this without her knowing.'

'She won't, she may be surprised and shocked but I think she'll like it.'

'Do you really think so?'

'Yes, definitely.'

'I really hope you're right.'

'I am.' I smiled at Tess, I am glad that she's here, she always knows exactly what to say to make people feel better.

I've just noticed that Sam hasn't returned yet, where has she gone for those decorations? I'm starting to smell a rat, she managed to get them all in the boot of her car at the hospital and yet somehow she can't now. I wonder what she is really up to. Dylan doesn't seem concerned, he knows where she is, he must do. I take my mind off things by helping Charlie and Zoe put up the flowers, Zoe arrived not long after her shift and she has got right into helping us do things. I can't believe how different everything looks, it doesn't look anything like I imagined it to and yet it is perfect. Big Mac is here now too and he's laying out the candles where Tess tells him to, it is going to be amazingly beautiful. I can't wait for Dixie to get here and see what we have been doing in her absence.

Tamzin's mum has arrived with some of the food, I've just about managed to make room for some of it in the fridge, next door have agreed to take some of it in for us. Everything will be laid up in the house just before we start to eat. I didn't want it too formal so everyone can just take what they want and sit where they want to eat. There will be some drinks too, not too many, I don't think drunk people is a very good idea, especially not certain members of staff. I think I heard Tamzin mention something about champagne at some point too.

I'm nervous, everything is ready and the time is getting closer to when Dixie gets here, I've retreated to our bedroom so I can get ready. Evening is rapidly falling and I can see people going round and lighting all the candles and Chinese lanterns, it looks wonderful. I've eaten a little bit of food, just enough so that Tess won't get mad at me for not eating but I am really too nervous to eat. I heard the knock on the door. 'Jeff, are you decent?' It is Sam, I wonder where she has been.

'I am.'

'I have some people here to see you.'

'Probably more of the staff with things to ask me.'

'Come in.' Sam pushed the door open. 'What is it?'

'Look at you handsome.' Sam straightened the tie I was wearing.

'I hate ties.'

'It is a good look on you, Dixie is a lucky woman.'

'I'm a lucky man to have her.' Sam smiled. 'Who is it that wants to see me?'

'You'll see, go on.'

'You're not making much sense.'

'I know.' Now I was curious, just what has she been up to all day?

I opened our door and looked outside, my mouth fell open, of all the people that could have been stood there I wasn't expecting them. I rubbed my eyes, expecting them to be gone when I looked again but they were still there. 'John, Sophia?'

'Dad,' Sophia said, and rushed into my arms. John soon joined her and I hugged them both tight.

'I am so glad that you're here. How are you here?'

'I can answer that,' Sam said from behind me. 'When you thought I was discussing decorations with Tamzin she was asking me to pick up your kids from the train station. I do believe that she asked your ex wife to send them here for this. Tamzin can be very convincing when she wants something.'

I couldn't believe it, Tamzin had got Lucy to send the kids here for the renewal, she deserves a medal for this. Tears ran from my eyes, I haven't seen my kids in so long, they've grown really big. 'I've missed you so much.'

'I've missed you too daddy,' Sophia said and hugged me tighter. 'Why are you crying?'

'I'm just so happy to see you. You have to tell me everything, I want to know how you're getting on at school. You're such a beautiful girl Sophia.' I turned my attention to John. 'You've grown up, I hope you are looking after your sister.'

'Of course I am.' I hugged John, I am so proud of them.

'We have to go daddy, Sam wants us to sit at the front.'

'Okay, you do that, I will see you later.' John and Sophia waved at me and went down the stairs.

I wiped my eyes and stood up, Sam was still stood behind me and she was crying. 'Thank you for that.' I hugged Sam, I still couldn't believe that my kids are here.

'You're welcome, that was beautiful, I am honoured that I was able to see it. Tamzin did all the hard work though.'

'I'll thank her later, I had my suspicions you were up to something when you were gone most of the day but I never expected anything like this.'

'I've been entertaining your kids, they are lovely, you should be so proud of them.'

'I am.'

'I'll leave you to compose yourself, Tess wants me to help her checking that there are enough plates and things for people to eat from.'

'Sam, thank you, you don't know how much this means to me.'

'I do.' Sam hugged me one last time and went downstairs. I knew that thank you wasn't enough for what Sam and Tamzin had done for me, I will get them a gift when all this is finished, something proper to say thank you for everything that they have done.

I am still in shock, I thought that this whole surprise was for Dixie and Tamzin turned the tables on me. I don't know how she managed it, I am going to have to ask her later on, she has worked miracles here. I went downstairs and looked at all of the people that were gathering outside, they had gone away and came back dressed in their finest clothing. The photographer has been going around and taking pictures of people. We should have some wonderful memories of this night, if Dixie doesn't kill me that is.

My thoughts were interrupted by Sam coming in through the doors. 'Tamzin has just sent me a message, they're five minutes away and will be here shortly. You have to meet them at the door.'

'Oh, I'm nervous, what if she hates it.'

'She won't hate it.' Sam squeezed my hand and went back out. I paced the room until I heard a car pull up outside, this is it, they are here.

I heard Dixie's voice coming up the pathway. 'Come on Tamzin, the house in almost complete darkness and you keep me out of the way all day. What is going on?' So she suspects, I thought she might, you can't keep anything from Dixie for long. I couldn't hear Tamzin's answer, she's always been quiet when talking. Tamzin opened the door and stepped inside and Dixie looked at us both. 'Okay, now I really know something is going on. Jeff, you never wear a suit with a tie. Does one of you want to tell me what is going on?' I had momentarily forgotten how to speak, Dixie looked amazing, she had royal blue dress on and her hair had been freshly dyed and styled. 'You look beautiful my love.'

'Thank you, you do look handsome in your suit but I want to know what is going on.'

'Look out there.' Dixie looked out of the back doors.

'What are all those people doing out there sat down? It doesn't look like much of a party.'

'That's because it isn't. All of our friends are outside and they are waiting for us. The party was just a cover, this night is for us to renew our wedding vows. I want them all to know how much I love you, I want you to know how much you mean to me.' Dixie just stared at me, I waited for her to take it in, she would either slap me or cry.

A tear fell from Dixie's eye. 'Oh my love, come here.' I hugged her tightly. 'I love you so much. Are you mad at me?' Dixie shook her head, she wasn't mad, that's a good start.

'You did all this?'

'With a little help from our friends, everyone has pulled together to make this happen.'

'I can't believe it.'

'Believe it princess.' I turned to Tamzin. 'You are a very sneaky woman, bringing my kids here.'

'I know, are you happy?'

'Very, I want to know how you did it later.'

'I'll tell you everything, I promise. Are we going ahead?'

'Dixie, it is all up to you. Do you want to do this?' I hoped she would say yes.

'Let's do it, Mr Collier.'

'Give me a minute,' Tamzin said. 'When you hear the music start then you can come in.' Tamzin disappeared through the doors and I held my arm out to Dixie. 'Come on princess.' Dixie slipped her arm through mine and smiled. The music started and we went through the doors into the garden.


	26. Chapter 26

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: T  
**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**********************************Author's Note: Thanks again to Beethoven RIP, and chan. nelson4444 for your comments and PMs regarding this story, Dixie's go this time, I quite like this chapter :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Six... Dixie.**

Tamzin appeared right on time to pick me up, she's taken me to some sort of salon, I'm not usually one for being pampered but when Jeff organised that day for me for our anniversary I found myself liking it. It does seem a bit much for a party but maybe I deserve some time out. The minute we arrived we were settled in chairs and given cups of tea. 'What are we having done?'

'A facial, manicure and pedicure and then we'll have our hair washed and styled, you're going to have yours dyed as well.'

'This is going to cost a fortune.'

'Don't worry, Jeff has paid for yours, he said he wanted to treat you.'

'He did?'

'Yep, I'd enjoy it if I were you.'

'Do you do this all the time?'

'Every chance I get, we have a stressful job, sometimes we deserve to relax. Especially you, you're in charge, it must be difficult.'

'It can be, I love my job though and it's worth it.'

'You're a lucky woman Dixie, having someone like Jeff.'

'I know I am.'

'Did you ever think when you married him that you would end up staying together?'

'No, I had a very clear idea of who I was, having a relationship with a man didn't come into it.'

'What changed?'

'I slowly realised that I was in love with him. He drives me insane at times and I've lost count of the times that we've argued but I can't imagine my life without him.'

'A few days ago I said to Jeff that you and him represent everything I want in this world. You're so lucky to have found each other.'

'Tamzin, is everything all right?'

'I'm just being sentimental, ignore me.'

'No, come on, what's wrong?'

'I just feel lonely at times, none of my relationships have ever worked out.'

'Don't rush it Tamzin, you're still young. Be picky, you're special and you deserve someone special too.'

'Thanks Dixie.'

'I mean it, you'll meet someone one day and everything will click into place.' Tamzin smiled, it still looked a little forced, I will watch out for her for a few days.

I am currently being pampered to within an inch of my life, my hair has been cut and dried and I'm waiting for the dye to work. I've had more lotions and potions on my face than I know what to do with and my nails are being painted. Tamzin might be right about this pampering business, I really should do things like this more often, I feel very blissed out and relaxed. I had no idea that Tamzin was feeling lonely, surrounding her with people is not a good idea, she needs someone she can rely on. I need to think of something or someone, she's a lovely girl, now I just need to find her someone equally lovely to match. I'm not going to tell her for now, just in case I don't find anyone worthy. Maybe Fletch, he's a nice guy, he'll treat her right. I can see why Jeff likes to play matchmaker, I bet it feels satisfying when the two people you're getting together work out.

Shopping, other women seem to love it, I hate it, I only go when I have to. Tamzin seems intent on going though, she says we have to buy new outfits for the party. I'm indulging her to try and make her feel better. 'Dixie, I've got something for you.' She was holding out a royal blue dress that looked quite short. 'You're joking, I can't wear that.'

'Just try it on, then tell me what you think.'

'Okay, but just so we're clear, if I don't like it then I'm putting it back.'

'Absolutely, you're the boss.' I took the dress into the changing room and slipped it on, it was longer at the back and the front rested just above my knees. 'Dixie, come out, I want to have a look.' I opened the door and went out to where Tamzin was waiting.

'I can't wear this.'

'Why not?'

'It shows my legs.'

'Dixie, you've got great legs. The dress suits you, it really brings out your eyes.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes, you look beautiful. Jeff's eyes will pop out of his head when he sees you.'

'I hope not, he needs them.' Tamzin laughed. 'What's so funny?'

'I have a weird mental image of Jeff without his eyes and bumping into doors and people.'

'You have quite the imagination.'

'I do. I want you to try these on too.' Tamzin handed me a pair of blue shoes with a small heel and a rose above the toes.

'Heels as well, I'm really out of my comfort zone now.'

'It is good for you. They're only small heels. What do you think?' I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I didn't know what to think, would Jeff think that I am overdressed?

'I think I look okay.'

'Just okay? Dixie, you look amazing.'

'Thank you Tamzin.'

'I mean it.' I hugged Tamzin, I wonder what she is going to all this trouble for, it seems a lot of preparation for a party.

Tamzin picked out a dress and shoes for herself, she looks fantastic in anything, I am quite envious. How someone as beautiful as Tamzin is still by herself I will never know. We took Tamzin's car back to her house and started to get ready for the party. Something is going on, something that I can't quite put my finger on. Tamzin keeps on getting text messages from people, she replies quickly and I know that she is trying to keep me from seeing. We've had a bit to eat and Tamzin is straightening my hair. 'You should keep your hair long Dixie.'

'I think I will have to tie it up soon.'

'It really does suit you. Have you ever thought of being a colour other than blonde?'

'Not really, I like it this colour.'

'As long as you like it. Are you going to do your own make up?'

'Yes, you need to get ready too. Go on, I can do the rest myself.'

'All right, I won't be long.' Tamzin seems quite comfortable with me sharing her room to get ready in, I wonder how long she has been without company.

I checked my make up in the mirror and adjusted the locket that Jeff had bought me for our anniversary. 'Dixie, are you ready?' Tamzin came into the room, her make up freshly done and in the red dress that she had bought earlier.

'Wow, look at you.'

'Do you like it, I can change.'

'No, you look lovely. If I wasn't with Jeff and you weren't straight then I would be happy to have you as my girlfriend.' Tamzin blushed. 'Sorry, I've embarrassed you.'

'No, I know you meant it as a compliment. Thank you.'

'You're welcome, come on, I believe we have a party to go to.' I linked arms with Tamzin and we went to her car.

We pulled up outside the house, most of it was in darkness, now I really am suspicious, for a party it is very quiet. Tamzin locked the car and we walked towards the house. 'Come on Tamzin, the house in almost complete darkness and you keep me out of the way all day. What is going on?'

'We've organised something for you, something that you deserve. Jeff will explain more.' Tamzin opened the door and Jeff was stood there wearing a suit with a tie. I looked at them both, just what have they been up to?

'Okay, now I really know something is going on. Jeff, you never wear a suit with a tie. Does one of you want to tell me what is going on?' Jeff looks like he is searching for words.

'You look beautiful my love.'

'Thank you, you do look handsome in your suit but I want to know what is going on.'

'Look out there.' I looked out to see lots of people sat down and waiting for something.

'What are all those people doing out there sat down? It doesn't look like much of a party.'

'That's because it isn't. All of our friends are outside and they are waiting for us. The party was just a cover, this night is for us to renew our wedding vows. I want them all to know how much I love you, I want you to know how much you mean to me.' I just stared at Jeff, I couldn't believe it, how had they managed to keep this from me?

I felt a tear run down my face, the idea was so beautiful, I loved it. 'Oh my love, come here.' Jeff hugged me tightly. 'I love you so much. Are you mad at me?' I shook my head, I am struggling to find words right now.

'You did all this?'

'With a little help from our friends, everyone has pulled together to make this happen.'

'I can't believe it.'

'Believe it princess.' Jeff turned to Tamzin. 'You are a very sneaky woman, bringing my kids here.' Jeff's kids are here? So that's why Tamzin had been asking about Jeff's ex wife, he's right, she is a sneaky woman.

'I know, are you happy?'

'Very, I want to know how you did it later.'

'I'll tell you everything, I promise. Are we going ahead?'

'Dixie, it is all up to you. Do you want to do this?' Jeff looked nervous, I can't keep him waiting, it is too mean.

'Let's do it, Mr Collier.'

'Give me a minute,' Tamzin said. 'When you hear the music start then you can come in.' Tamzin left us and Jeff held his arm out to me.

'Come on princess.' I slipped my arm through Jeff's and held onto it, the music started and I let Jeff guide me out into the garden.


	27. Chapter 27

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: T  
**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**************************************Author's Note: Thanks again to Beethoven RIP, and chan. nelson4444 for your comments and PMs regarding this story, you might want to make sure that you have a tissue ready for this chapter :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Seven... Jeff.**

I couldn't believe how different everything looked, everyone has worked so hard. It is actually happening, we've had some tough times and somehow we have come through them stronger and more together than ever. Dixie is looking around, she looks surprised and amazed at what our garden looks like now. Tamzin is waiting for us at the front, I owe that woman a serious present when we've done this, she smiled at us when we stopped in front of her. 'Welcome friends, we are all here to celebrate the marriage of Jeff and Dixie. This is a time to celebrate the joys of the past and those that are still to come. Your path together has been full of learning, fun, happiness and sadness. Each of those experiences has brought you closer together in friendship and love.' Since when has Tamzin become so wordy? 'The memories of yesterday, the love you both share and the dreams of tomorrow come together to inspire both yourselves and those around you to love and cherish those that mean the most to us.' I saw Dixie wipe her eyes, I have to admit that Tamzin's words are making my eyes water, she has clearly been working hard on this. 'This is a beautiful occasion because it acknowledges the friendship, commitment and deep bond that Jeff and Dixie share. This union has been tested over time, matured and grown through the years. With this in mind you have decided to reaffirm your commitment to each other and to the love that you share. Would you please join hands?' I took Dixie's hands in mine and faced her.

Tamzin looks very pleased with herself, if a bit nervous, she's doing wonderfully well. 'Jeff, do you pledge your heart and soul to Dixie? Do you promise to love her and care for her, to share your life with her for as long as you live?'

'I will.' I smiled at Dixie and squeezed her hand, it was her turn now. I don't think that I have ever been more nervous than I am at this point, I hope she doesn't get cold feet.

'Dixie, do you pledge your heart and soul to Jeff? Do you promise to love him and care for him, to share your life with him for as long as you live?'

'I will.' I breathed a sigh of relief, she really did love me.

'These roses represent love. To celebrate the renewal of their vows Jeff and Dixie will give each other a rose as a symbol of their love for each other.' I picked up one of the roses off the table in front of Tamzin.

'Dixie, my friend, my love, my partner and my wife. I give you this rose as a symbol of my love for you. My heart is yours for eternity. I love you.' I handed Dixie the rose and kissed her on the cheek, she was just about holding back her tears.

'Jeff, my friend, my love, my partner and my husband. I give you this rose as a symbol of my love. I give you my heart and my life. I love you.' I felt warm inside, I will remember Dixie's words for the rest of my life. I was glad that she used the same words as I did, it just seems right somehow.

Tamzin gave us a smile through the tears that were gathering in her eyes, I had no doubt that many of the other women that are here look exactly the same. 'Jeff and Dixie, you have renewed your vows in front of your friends, please seal those vows with a kiss.' I pulled Dixie into my arms and kissed her, applause broke out behind us.

'I love you Dixie, always.'

'Love you too, forever.' Tamzin hugged us both and we hugged her back, she has been amazing.

'Thank you Tamzin, I know it isn't enough for everything that you've done.'

'Nonsense, you're my friends and I love you, seeing you happy like this is more than enough of a reward.'

'Thank you sweetheart,' Dixie said and hugged Tamzin again.

'You're welcome Dixie.'

'I'm going to get you the biggest present ever.'

'How about you and Jeff make me an aunt, you two would make fab parents.'

'We'll do our best.' Tamzin smiled, I have a feeling our baby when we have him or her is going to have plenty of aunties and uncles.

We made the rounds, accepting congratulations from everyone until we came to two special people. 'Dixie, I would like you to meet my kids, Sophia and John.'

'Hello, I am pleased to meet you both.'

'Hello Dixie.' John held his hand out and Dixie shook it, I am so proud of my son. Dixie turned all her attention to Sophia.

'Hello beautiful, you're so pretty.'

'So are you.'

'Come on lovely, shall we see if we can get you some cake?' Sophia nodded and Dixie picked her up, taking her to the food that was being laid out. Sophia is very shy and yet she has taken to Dixie almost right away. John has gone after them and is helping Dixie pick some food. I am going to talk to Lucy about having them more often, it is only fair. Tamzin sidled up to me. 'Do you want to know how I got them here?'

'Yes, please tell me.'

'I spoke to Lucy and told her that you deserved to see them, especially at this time. I told her that she should speak to John and Sophia and if they wanted to come then she should let them.'

'She listened to you?'

'It looks like she did as they are here.'

'I know, I can hardly believe it. Dixie is so good with them.'

'She'll be a good mother Jeff.'

'I know.' Dixie would be a fantastic mother, just looking at her with my kids makes me so happy.

Everyone looks like they are having a good time, Tamzin has put some music on and people are dancing or eating and talking. I took time out from talking to people and went to find Dixie. 'Come on Mrs Collier, dance with me.' Dixie's arms wound themselves around my neck and I pulled her close. 'I love you princess.'

'Love you too. I can't believe that you and Tamzin did all of this.'

'I'm just full of surprises.'

'Are you really? Perhaps you could show me later.'

'That I will.'

'Promise?'

'Definitely.' I looked around to see Dylan and Sam dancing together, their heads almost touching. 'I don't think we're the only ones feeling the romance of the evening Dix.'

'It's sweet, leave them alone. They might not be the only ones soon.'

'What have you been up to?'

'I'm playing matchmaker, just watch.' Tom walked over to Tamzin and asked her to dance, she blushed and took his hand. 'She's had a thing for him for weeks and her likes her too, I'm just giving them a push in the right direction.'

'If he hurts her I will kill him.'

'Give him a chance, Tom is a nice guy.'

'Okay, one chance, but I get to hurt him if he hurts her.' Dixie just smiled and kissed me, she loves my protective side really.

Once we had finished dancing I took Dixie to get some food, I am going to make sure that I take good care of this woman. I filled her up a plate and sat with her while she ate, occasionally sneaking a bit of cake from it. Sophia came over to us, she has been dancing with Fletch and I think she has a bit of a crush on him. 'Daddy, can I sit on your knee?'

'Of course you can princess.' I picked her up and hugged her, she is getting tired. 'I think someone is ready for bed.'

'I'm not tired daddy, I want to stay up with you and Dixie.' I just held Sophia as she cuddled into me, her eyes kept closing, she would be asleep soon. Sam came over to us. 'I put John and Sophia's things upstairs so they can stay here.'

'Thanks Sam.'

'No problem, they're lovely kids.'

'Thank you, it means a lot to me to hear you say that.' Sam nodded and left us. 'Come on princess, time for bed.' Sophia snuggled into me some more and John followed us.

'Can Dixie come too?'

'Of course she can.' Dixie followed me upstairs and between us we helped Sophia change into her pyjamas while John used the bathroom. I tucked Sophia into Dixie's old bed, I am glad that we kept it. 'Goodnight my little princess.' I kissed her head. 'Sleep well.'

'Dixie too.' Dixie sat on the bed and kissed Sophia on the forehead. 'I like you Dixie.'

'I like you too sweetie, goodnight, sleep well.'

'Goodnight Daddy, Dixie.' John climbed into the bed beside his sister.

'Don't worry dad, I'll look after Sophia.'

'I know you will. Goodnight my son, I love you.'

'Love you too dad. Night Dixie.'

'Goodnight John.' We watched Sophia and John until they fell asleep and I took Dixie's hand as we left the bedroom, putting my kids to bed with Dixie gave me a warm feeling inside, we would do it with our own child one day, I can't wait.

We found everyone waiting for us when we came back. 'What's going on?' Tamzin stepped up and she was holding something in her hand.

'We have a gift for you.' She handed Dixie the envelope that she had been holding. 'Open it.' Dixie carefully opened the envelope and took out the pieces of paper that were inside it.

'What is it princess?'

'Oh my goodness.' Dixie looked shocked, it must be something big.

'I'll tell you, seeing as Dixie can't.' Tamzin looked very happy with herself again. 'Everyone in the hospital put some money in to get you a night in the honeymoon suite at the Thistle Hotel. It is all booked for tomorrow night, all you have to do is turn up. There's also a three course meal, champagne and some fancy chocolates included. Enjoy.' Dixie ran over to Tamzin and hugged her, I couldn't believe what they have done for us, I'm betting that it wasn't cheap.

The party slowly quietened down and people started leaving, we said goodbye and thanked each of them individually. We have wonderful friends, it is only fair that we see them off individually. Sam and Dylan leave together, I had thought that they were getting divorced but it looks as if that is far from their mind, judging by the kiss I saw them share in our hall. The last people to leave are Tamzin and Tom, I want a word with him. 'You had better look after her, Tamzin is one of us and if you hurt her you might find yourself in an ambulance.'

'Don't worry, she's a special woman.'

'She is, I think she has proved that tonight.'

'She has. I'm going to drop her off home, Tamzin's mum has taken her car so she needs a lift.'

'No funny business, I hope you will treat her right.'

'I will, if not then you have my permission to beat me up.'

'Good.' I watched them go and then closed the door behind them, it was time to find my lovely wife.

Dixie was in our room and in her pyjamas. I put my arms around her and held her close. 'You look tired. Did you enjoy yourself?'

'I did, thank you for doing all this.'

'You deserve it. Come on beautiful, it is time for bed.' I took off the suit I was wearing and hung it up, I could deal with it in the morning. I slowly climbed into the bed next to Dixie. 'Princess?' Dixie had fallen asleep, I kissed her head and tucked the quilt around her to make sure that she would be warm enough during the night. I wrapped myself around her, I would keep her safe even in sleep.


	28. Chapter 28

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: T  
**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

******************************************Author's Note: Thanks again to Beethoven RIP, and chan. nelson4444 for your comments and PMs regarding this story, I hope you like Dixie's version of events :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Eight... Dixie.**

I am wondering how Jeff and Tamzin have managed to keep this hidden from me, all of our friends from work are here and Jeff's kids. This is amazing, the garden looks so beautiful, flowers and candles everywhere. There are lights in the trees and though this evening has been a very big surprise I'm glad that we are doing this. Tamzin is stood in front of us, Jeff must have asked her to do this, she looks nervous. I feel nervous, it is one thing to love someone but it is another thing to tell everyone you work with about it. I just hope that if I have to say anything my mouth starts working by then. 'Welcome friends, we are all here to celebrate the marriage of Jeff and Dixie. This is a time to celebrate the joys of the past and those that are still to come. Your path together has been full of learning, fun, happiness and sadness. Each of those experiences has brought you closer together in friendship and love.' How long has she been working on this? 'The memories of yesterday, the love you both share and the dreams of tomorrow come together to inspire both yourselves and those around you to love and cherish those that mean the most to us.' I promised myself I wasn't going to cry and yet I can't help myself, Tamzin's words are reaching deep inside me, they are so beautiful. I wiped my eyes and smiled. 'This is a beautiful occasion because it acknowledges the friendship, commitment and deep bond that Jeff and Dixie share. This union has been tested over time, matured and grown through the years. With this in mind you have decided to reaffirm your commitment to each other and to the love that you share. Would you please join hands?' Jeff took my hands in his and faced me, I looked up at him and smiled, this is it, it is time. My nerves resurfaced and my heart began to beat faster.

Tamzin looks nervous for us, as if one if us might back out, I know I won't. Jeff won't either, I can see it in his eyes that he wants to be here. 'Jeff, do you pledge your heart and soul to Dixie? Do you promise to love her and care for her, to share your life with her for as long as you live?'

'I will.' Jeff squeezed my hand, I can see his nerves, I can see he worries that I might suddenly back out. Don't worry my love, I'm not going anywhere.

'Dixie, do you pledge your heart and soul to Jeff? Do you promise to love him and care for him, to share your life with him for as long as you live?'

'I will.' I heard Jeff's very audible sigh of relief and smiled, I hope he will relax now.

'These roses represent love. To celebrate the renewal of their vows Jeff and Dixie will give each other a rose as a symbol of their love for each other.' Jeff picked up the rose nearest to him.

'Dixie, my friend, my love, my partner and my wife. I give you this rose as a symbol of my love for you. My heart is yours for eternity. I love you.' He handed me the rose and kissed me on the cheek, I know that I have tears in my eyes, this evening has been so wonderful. I decided I would use the same words that Jeff used, they are perfect.

'Jeff, my friend, my love, my partner and my husband. I give you this rose as a symbol of my love. I give you my heart and my life. I love you.' Jeff looked so happy that I had used his words, I handed him the rose and our fingers brushed as I gave it to him.

I heard little sniffles and smiled, the women in the crowd were no doubt crying, Tamzin had tears in her eyes, she's an amazing woman to do all of this. 'Jeff and Dixie, you have renewed your vows in front of your friends, please seal those vows with a kiss.' Jeff pulled me into his arms and kissed me, I barely heard the clapping from our friends as I was so focused on Jeff's kiss.

'I love you Dixie, always.'

'Love you too, forever.' Tamzin hugged us both and we hugged her back, it is not enough for what she has done for us.

'Thank you Tamzin, I know it isn't enough for everything that you've done.'

'Nonsense, you're my friends and I love you, seeing you happy like this is more than enough of a reward.'

'Thank you sweetheart,' I said, we owe her so much more than thank you. I hugged her once more.

'You're welcome Dixie.'

'I'm going to get you the biggest present ever.'

'How about you and Jeff make me an aunt, you two would make fab parents.'

'We'll do our best.' Our baby is going to be very lucky, having all these wonderful people around him or her when she is born.

I linked arms with Jeff as we talked to everyone that had come to celebrate with us until we came to Jeff's kids. 'Dixie, I would like you to meet my kids, Sophia and John.'

'Hello, I am pleased to meet you both.'

'Hello Dixie.' John held out his hand and I shook it, he looks a lot like Jeff. I turned to Sophia who was looking at me shyly.

'Hello beautiful, you're so pretty.'

'So are you.'

'Come on lovely, shall we see if we can get you some cake?' Sophia nodded and I picked her up, she is so light and such a pretty little girl. I put Sophia down and held her hand as she chose what food she wanted from the table. 'Have you got enough to eat?'

'Yes, I have, thank you.'

'What about you, John?'

'Yes, thank you Dixie.' They have lovely manners, they even eat politely. John has run off to play with Tamzin, she is so good with kids. It is time for me to do something about the secret longing she has been harbouring for weeks.

'Dixie?'

'Yes, sweetheart.'

'I like your necklace.'

'Thank you, your daddy bought it for me.'

'Do you love my daddy, he loves you.'

'I do, very much.'

'Are you going to have a baby one day?'

'One day I hope that we will.'

'Good, I want to be a big sister.' I chuckled and hugged Sophia, one day we will grant her wish.

Sophia has gone off to dance with Fletch, I think she is in love. If all goes to plan then Sophia won't be the only one in love tonight. I've been sewing the ideas of love between two of our friends. I just hope that Tom has the courage to ask Tamzin to dance. I believe it is time to find my husband. I was thinking about Tom and Tamzin when Jeff came over to me. 'Come on Mrs Collier, dance with me.' I threaded my arms up Jeff's body and settled them around his neck. 'I love you princess.'

'Love you too. I can't believe that you and Tamzin did all of this.'

'I'm just full of surprises.'

'Are you really? Perhaps you could show me later.'

'That I will.'

'Promise?'

'Definitely.' Jeff looked at Dylan and Sam dancing, I hope they get together again, they make a great couple. 'I don't think we're the only ones feeling the romance of the evening Dix.'

'It's sweet, leave them alone. They might not be the only ones soon.'

'What have you been up to?'

'I'm playing matchmaker, just watch.' I smiled as Tom walked over to Tamzin and she blushed as she took his hand. 'She's had a thing for him for weeks and her likes her too, I'm just giving them a push in the right direction.'

'If he hurts her I will kill him.'

'Give him a chance, Tom is a nice guy.'

'Okay, one chance, but I get to hurt him if he hurts her.' Jeff has always had a protective side for the people he cares for, it is something that never changes. I love him so much, he's everything I want in a partner.

Jeff is making me eat, he thinks I haven't noticed him stealing bits of cake off my plate every so often. I'll let him do it just this once, he has gone to so much effort that I can forgive him this time. Sophia stood in front of us, bless her, she looks tired, it must be the excitement of the day. 'Daddy, can I sit on your knee?'

'Of course you can princess.' Jeff picked Sophia up and cuddled her, I just watched them and smiled, it is such a nice picture. 'I think someone is ready for bed.'

'I'm not tired daddy, I want to stay up with you and Dixie.' Sophia is stubborn, just like her father. Sam came over to us and spoke quietly.

'I put John and Sophia's things upstairs so they can stay here.'

'Thanks Sam.'

'No problem, they're lovely kids.'

'Thank you, it means a lot to me to hear you say that.' Jeff looks so proud, he should be, they're lovely kids. 'Come on princess, time for bed.' Sophia snuggled closely into Jeff and John followed Jeff and Sophia.

'Can Dixie come too?'

'Of course she can.' I was pleased to be invited, it really meant a lot to me. I helped Sophia change into her pyjamas with Jeff and the he tucked her into bed. 'Goodnight my little princess.' Jeff kissed Sophia on the head. 'Sleep well.'

'Dixie too.' I sat on the bed and copied Jeff's action on kissing her on the head. 'I like you Dixie.'

'I like you too sweetie, goodnight, sleep well.'

'Goodnight Daddy, Dixie.' John got into the bed with his sister.

'Don't worry dad, I'll look after Sophia.'

'I know you will. Goodnight my son, I love you.'

'Love you too dad. Night Dixie.'

'Goodnight John.' They are sweet kids, John has clearly gained his father's protective side. The kids were soon asleep and we quietly left the room, Jeff took my hand and we went back to the party.

Everyone was stood around waiting for us when we got back, they're up to something. 'What's going on?' Tamzin was holding something

'We have a gift for you.' I took the envelope that she was holding out to me. 'Open it.' I opened the envelope and took out the papers that are inside, I just stared at them stunned, I can hardly believe what I am seeing.

'What is it princess?'

'Oh my goodness.' I love all the people that are here and what they have done for us.

'I'll tell you, seeing as Dixie can't.' I barely heard anything that Tamzin said. 'Everyone in the hospital put some money in to get you a night in the honeymoon suite at the Thistle Hotel. It is all booked for tomorrow night, all you have to do is turn up. There's also a three course meal, champagne and some fancy chocolates included. Enjoy.' I ran over to Tamzin and hugged her tight.

'Thank you sweetheart,' I whispered. 'How can we ever repay you?'

'Enjoy yourselves, just the two of you, have fun.'

'I intend to.'

'Good.' I hugged Tamzin one last time and then let her go.

We said goodbye to everyone as they left, I'm tired but I'm happy. I'm so lucky, I know it. I can hardly believe that all this has happened. I wished Tamzin and Tom goodnight and then went upstairs to our bedroom. Jeff is giving Tom the lecture, I can hear him from here. 'You had better look after her, Tamzin is one of us and if you hurt her you might find yourself in an ambulance.'

'Don't worry, she's a special woman.'

'She is, I think she has proved that tonight.'

'She has. I'm going to drop her off home, Tamzin's mum has taken her car so she needs a lift.'

'No funny business, I hope you will treat her right.'

'I will, if not then you have my permission to beat me up.'

'Good.' Tom has said exactly the right thing, though I may have to have words with Jeff about threatening him with physical harm. Not tonight, everything has been so perfect and I want it to stay that way for a little while longer. I took off my dress and shoes and got into my pyjamas, putting my locket on the side to keep it safe.

Jeff came in and hugged me, I sighed with happiness and put my arms around him. 'You look tired. Did you enjoy yourself?'

'I did, thank you for doing all this.'

'You deserve it. Come on beautiful, it is time for bed.' Now that is something I agree with. I climbed into the bed and took up my usual side. I saw Jeff get changed, I tried to fight sleep but it was hard. I felt Jeff get in beside me.

'Princess?' Jeff kissed my head and pulled the quilt over us, his arms wrapped around me and he held me close. The perfect ending to a perfect day.


	29. Chapter 29

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: T  
**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**********************************************Author's Note: Thanks again to Beethoven RIP, and chan. nelson4444 for your comments and PMs regarding this story, enjoy this chapter :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Nine... Jeff.**

I woke slowly, the memories of yesterday came back to me in waves. Dixie and how beautiful she looked, renewing our vows and letting everyone know just how I feel about Dixie. Tamzin surprising me by getting my kids here and then putting them to bed with Dixie. Going to bed with my beautiful wife and then sleeping with her in my arms. I can hardly believe that perfection can be summed up in so few words, yesterday was the best day of my life.

Dixie is already awake, I can smell food cooking, I rubbed my eyes and got myself dressed, I can always shower later before we go to the hotel, maybe I can persuade Dixie to join me. I put all of those thoughts aside for now, my kids are here and I don't really want them catching us. They're still young and innocent and I want them to stay that way for as long as possible.

I crept into Dixie's old room and watched Sophia and John sleeping; they are the only good that ever came from my previous marriage. I am going to fight to see them, I want to see them, they are my kids too. I love them, it has been too long since I've seen them and they've grown big. Maybe they could and stay with me and Dixie during the school holidays, we could take some time off and take them places. No matter what Lucy says I am going to see my kids, surely she will grant me that. We've both moved on and have new people in our lives, the time for arguing and petty sniping is past.

Movement from the bed caught my attention. 'Morning daddy.'

'Morning Sophia.'

'Where's Dixie?'

'She's making breakfast.'

'Can we go and see her?'

'Of course we can.'

'Yay, I really like her daddy.'

'I'm glad to hear that, I like her too.'

'Dixie said that you are going to have a baby and make me a big sister.'

'Did she?'

'Yes, how does a baby get in Dixie's stomach daddy?'

'Do you want to go and get some breakfast? I believe Dixie is making something special.'

'Yes please daddy. You didn't answer my question, how will a baby get in Dixie's stomach?'

'When a mummy and daddy love each other they decide to make a baby, they get close together and the daddy puts the baby in the special place inside the mummy.'

'Does Dixie have a special place inside her?'

'She does.'

'You'll put a baby in there?'

'Yes, I will.'

'Is that how you made me?'

'It is.'

'Okay, thank you daddy.'

'You're welcome princess.' Sophia seems satisfied now, I just hope that she doesn't repeat anything that I have told her.

Sophia woke up John and we all went downstairs, I let the kids stay in their pyjamas for now, they can get dressed later on. 'Dixie, where are you princess?'

'Kitchen, are the kids with you?'

'Yes, two very hungry monsters are coming your way.'

'Good, you're just in time.' Sophia and John ran into the kitchen. 'Now children, sit at the table and your breakfast will be with you shortly. You too Jeff.'

'Come on daddy, sit with me.' I sat next to Sophia and Dixie put some pancakes on the table. 'Pancakes, mummy says we can't have these except for once a month, it has been ages since we've had them.'

'You can have them now sweet pea.' Dixie put the syrup on the table and sat down with us, she is really going to a lot of effort for Sophia and John, she is going to miss them as much as I will when we have to give them back.

I'm glad that my kids have good appetites, they've already had seconds of the pancakes and some hot chocolate. 'Okay kids, go upstairs and get yourselves ready and don't forget to clean your teeth.'

'Yes daddy,' Sophia and John said together and then left me and Dixie alone.

'They're so sweet Jeff, you should be so proud of them.'

'I am. Dixie, how would you feel about John and Sophia coming to visit again?'

'I'd love it, they're great kids. Do you think that Lucy will agree?'

'I don't know, I hope so.'

'She's coming to get them, she called here earlier. Just talk to her.'

'What time is she coming?'

'Four.'

'That gives us enough time to spend some time with them before they have to leave.'

'It does, I have an idea.'

'What is your idea?'

'You'll see.' Dixie smiled and went to sort out the dishes.

Once the kids were ready we took them to the park, there were a few people around but the soon left so it is just us. Sophia is playing on the swings and Dixie is pushing her, this is what we could have if Lucy will let me have the kids every so often. I'm dreading the conversation, I don't know what I will do if she says no. She knows that I want to talk to her, I haven't said what I want to talk about but I suspect that she already knows. I am serious about seeing them more often, I just hope that she doesn't want to use that against me. It would take a real heartless woman to deprive young children of the chance to see their father. I hope that she can forget about the past and think about what is best for Sophia and John.

I love watching them play, Sophia is fearless, she runs from the slide to the swings and back again. She's always trying to go higher and faster, calling out for Dixie to push her harder. John has come to sit by me and he's watching Dixie and Sophia. 'Dad?'

'Yes John.'

'Sophia misses you, she doesn't tell mum but she tells me.'

'What about you?'

'I miss you too. Do you miss us dad?'

'Yes, very much, I love you and Sophia.'

'I wish we could stay longer.'

'So do I.' I hugged my son and held him as we watched Dixie and Sophia play together.

Once the kids had finished playing we took them home and gave them something to eat. Dixie is helping them pack their stuff, it is going to be very hard letting them go. The time for them to go is approaching rapidly and I really don't want to let them go. Dixie is going to keep them upstairs until I've had a chance to talk to Lucy. I heard the knock on the door and went to answer it. 'Jeff,' Lucy said when I answered the door.

'Lucy.'

'Where are the kids?'

'Upstairs, with Dixie.'

'We have to go.'

'Not so fast, we have to talk first.'

'What about?'

'The kids, I want to see them. They're my kids too Lucy.'

'Right, when are they supposed to see you Jeff?'

'I don't work all the time, I have time off just like everyone else.'

'How are they meant to get here?'

'You know how to drive Lucy, I know how to drive too, if I need to I will meet you half way and we can do it that way.'

'What if I say no?'

'I'm not taking no for an answer.'

'Fine, let me know when you are free a week in advance and we will meet you halfway.'

'I want to have them for a week in the school holidays too.'

'You what?'

'You heard me.'

'Fine, we'll discuss that nearer time.'

'Then we're agreed.' I held out my hand and Lucy shook it, she wasn't too happy about bringing the kids here but she had agreed and that is something.

I met Dixie at the bottom of the stairs, John and Sophia followed her. 'Come here.' I hugged John and Sophia to me. 'I'm going to miss you, but you're going to come and see me and Dixie again soon.'

'Can we really mummy?' Sophia turned to Lucy and she nodded. 'Good, I can't wait to come back again. Can we go to the park next time?'

'Of course we can princess.'

'Yay, thank you daddy.' Sophia hugged me and I held her tight. I turned to John and hugged him too.

'Look after your sister.'

'I will, dad, see you soon.'

'See you soon.' Dixie hugged both the kids and said goodbye, it was hard to let them go but we had to. They would be back again soon, now that I had got a promise out of Lucy I was going to make her keep it.

Dixie turned to me the minute that they left. 'Jeff, did she really agree to let you see the kids?'

'She did.'

'I'm so glad to hear that.' I pulled Dixie to me and hugged her.

'Me too, I just have to let her know when I have a weekend free and she will bring them halfway here.'

'Do you think that she will keep her promise?'

'I think so, Lucy might be many things but I know that she wouldn't lie to Sophia.'

'Good, I'm going to miss them Jeff.'

'Me too, but we'll see them again.'

'We will.' I held Dixie close to me. 'Now then Mrs Collier, what is this I hear about you promising Sophia that she will be a big sister?'

'She asked me were we going to have a baby and I said yes, we are aren't we?'

'We are, we need to get in a little practice first I think.'

'What did you have in mind?'

'I'm thinking of a hotel room with a big bed and just us in it.'

'What else are you thinking of?'

'Now that would be telling, I think I'll keep you in suspense a little longer.'

'Meanie.'

'It'll be worth it.'

'I sincerely hope so.'

'Get your stuff Mrs Collier.' Dixie smiled and went to get her things, we had packed earlier and all that remains to do is to go to the hotel and enjoy ourselves, something I am seriously looking forward to.


	30. Chapter 30

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: M  
**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**************************************************Author's Note: Thanks again to Beethoven RIP, and chan. nelson4444 for your comments and PMs regarding this story, welcome to Carlykinz and thank for the very lovely review. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Please note that the rating has been increased due to Jeff and Dixie wanting to be naughty ;)**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty... Dixie.**

Jeff drove us to the hotel, it looks very posh in there, I'm not used to surroundings like this. We went into the main lobby of the hotel and Jeff dealt with the check in. I sat in one of the large comfortable chairs and thought over the events of the day. Sophia and John are lovely kids, pushing Sophia on the swings and playing with her made me feel so happy. It amazed me how much I loved looking after them and being with them. I've always wanted kids but I didn't know how complete they would make me feel. I hope that Lucy keeps her promise to Jeff, he really wants to see them and be in their life and he deserves to have that. I know I'm biased towards Jeff but Sophia and John should be able to see their dad. I know that they want to see him, I just hope that Lucy thinks of the children before herself.

I remember when Jeff told me about Lucy and how she had been cheating on him for years, I didn't understand why he could stay in a marriage that was clearly failing. Then I found out they were getting a divorce and Lucy had kicked Jeff out of the house and he was staying in a bed and breakfast. I couldn't leave him there so I invited him to stay with me, we've been living together ever since. I have fond memories of living with Jeff, of silly fights and arguments, of watching television together and relaxing. I cherish all of my memories of Jeff, he has always been special to me, even more so lately.

We're making new memories now, now that we've worked out how we feel for each other I wonder why it took us so long to make the move from friends to man and wife. I realise now that I've always loved him, it might have taken me a long time to get there but I know who I'm meant to be with now. When I was younger I dreamed of love and what it would be like, the reality is a lot sweeter and more perfect than my dreams.

Jeff came over to me. 'We can go to our room now, come on princess.' I took Jeff's hand and he called the lift.

'Jeff, do you think that this cost our friends a lot of money?'

'I think so.'

'I wasn't expecting them to do anything like this. We have the most amazing friends.'

'We do, we'll get them something when we go back to work, something to say thank you.'

'Tamzin wants us to make her an aunty, that's the only present she needs.'

'I'll do my best to make you with child princess.'

'Are you that good?'

'You bet.' I smiled, Jeff has a really big ego at times.

'We'll see if you do.' I looked at Jeff's head closely.

'What are you looking at princess?'

'Your head, I think it just got bigger.'

'You're mean.' Jeff did his best wounded puppy expression and I chuckled.

'I'll make it up to you later.'

'I'll hold you to that princess.' I chuckled and slipped my hand into Jeff's, it is nice how relaxed we are with each other.

I opened the door to the honeymoon suite and I just stared, it is huge, massive. 'Jeff, have you seen this place, it's amazing.' I went into the room and looked around, a bottle of champagne was set out by a table and the chocolates that Tamzin promised us were also there. I opened the box and took one out, strawberry cream is one of my favourites. 'I see you found the chocolate.'

'Yep, they're lovely, try one.'

'You'll spoil your appetite Dixie, we're going to have dinner soon.'

'In here?'

'Yes, look.' I turned and looked where Jeff was pointing and saw a table all set out for us. I went over to it and found a note on there.

'Look Jeff, it's from Tamzin.'

'What does it say?'

'Dear Jeff and Dixie, I know that this is a special evening for you, I've taken the liberty of picking food that I know you will like and will help with making me an aunty, don't worry it isn't really posh. Enjoy, love Tamzin.'

'I wonder what she's picked out for us?'

'I don't know but I think we're about to find out.' I heard the knock on the door as I was speaking, Jeff opened it and found a trolley outside piled with dishes and covered with silver trays to keep them hot. He brought it in and we looked under the first dish to find prawns in a sweet and sour sauce. Jeff looked and me and then laughed. 'She knows what she's doing I'll give her that.'

'What do you mean?'

'Prawns are an aphrodisiac Dixie.'

'Oh, I see, they smell good though.'

'That they do.' We sat at the table and ate, I'm not usually one for seafood but the prawns tasted lovely. I'm curious as to what she has picked out for the main course, surely it can't all be things meant to get me jumping into bed with Jeff.

I lifted up the cover off the larger plate and smiled. 'She definitely chose this one with you in mind Jeff.'

'What is it?'

'Steak and chips.'

'Now we're talking.' Jeff tucked quite happily into the steak, I didn't let him eat too much red meat as it isn't good for you all the time. I'm going to let him off just this once, besides it looks wonderful. I don't know what they've done or how they've cooked it but I've never tasted anything like it. I'm beginning to see the attraction that Jeff has to steak, maybe I'll let him have it as an occasional treat.

Jeff put the plates back on the trolley and took off the final dishes, he looked underneath it. 'Dixie, this one is definitely yours. Chocolate pudding and ice cream.'

'She's a good woman.' I took the plate that Jeff handed to me and broke into the chocolate pudding with the spoon. 'Melted chocolate inside too, I think I'm in heaven.'

'You will be.'

'Jeff, that is so cheesy,' I said and giggled. I poured some of the champagne into the glasses and gave Jeff one of them. I sipped it slowly, champagne always goes to my head if I drink it too quickly. I ate more of the pudding and licked some chocolate off my lips, I noticed Jeff staring at me. 'What?'

'If you keep licking your lips like that I may have to forget dessert.'

'It's not my fault you have a dirty mind.'

'I do not have a dirty mind.'

'You do.' I licked my lips again on purpose.

'Mrs Collier, I'm warning you, you naughty woman.' I laughed and finished the last of my pudding, it is nice to know that I have an effect on him.

We left the trolley outside the door, Jeff thinks that I haven't noticed him put the do not disturb sign on the door, clearly he has something in mind. I felt him put his arms around me from behind. 'Did you enjoy that?'

'I did, it was fantastic.'

'Good, I loved it too.' I tilted my head to one side as Jeff started pressing small kisses against the skin on my neck. A quiet moan escaped me as his lips touched the sensitive area near my neck and shoulder. 'I think we should take this in there.' Jeff took my hands and pulled me into the bedroom, closing the door behind us. I looked around the room, the king-size bed looks very tempting. The lights have been dimmed and I turned to see Jeff stood behind me, he pulls me into his arms and kisses me. I can feel his hands exploring my body and I moan into his mouth.

Jeff pushes me gently back against the wall and kisses me again. 'I want you, I need you Dixie.'

'You can have me.' I pop the buttons open on Jeff's shirt one by one and throw it somewhere in the room. Jeff bunches my top up in his hands and then takes it off over my head, dropping it to the floor. I feel him caressing my skin and then undoing my bra, again dropping it to the floor. Jeff took me in his arms and I relished the feeling of our naked skin touching. 'I love you princess.'

'Love you too.' We slowly remove the last of our clothing and lie on the bed together, Jeff pushes me back into the covers and kisses me. I still can't believe that I am doing this with a man from time to time.

I reached my hand down and took Jeff's length in my hand, I've never done this before, I haven't had the courage until now. Jeff moaned, I can hear that he is enjoying it. I lightly stroked him, I'm trying not to hurt him. 'Harder Dixie.' I increased the pressure of my stroking and Jeff groaned, his eyes fluttering shut. 'Just like that princess but faster.' I moved my hand faster and Jeff moaned, he seems to be enjoying what I'm doing to him. 'Fuck,' he whispered. I barely heard him as he spoke so quietly. I felt Jeff's body tense and he put his hand on mine. 'Stop, any more and I'm going to finish here and now. You're a naughty girl Mrs Collier.' I winked at him and Jeff smiled. 'Thank you.'

'For what?'

'For doing that, I've wanted you to for so long. You're very good at it.' I blushed and smiled, I've known for a while that Jeff wanted me to touch him, he hasn't asked or tried to get me to do it, he waited until I was ready and that meant a lot to me.

Jeff's hand is moving slowly down my body, he's deliberately being slow about it, I tremble, I know where he is heading for and I want him to hurry up. I moan as his fingers slip inside my body and start moving, my hands grip his arms and I moan. I'm powerless to stop him, I don't want to stop him. 'I know you're close princess, I can feel it, let go.' I slip my hands up to Jeff's neck and I pull him close to me. I moan into his neck as I slip into release, my heart beats faster and I move myself against Jeff's fingers trying to make the feeling last longer.

Jeff kisses my head and holds me close, I feel as if every part of my body has turned to jelly. 'Dixie, are you all right?' I nodded, I'm unable to form coherent words right now. 'Good.' I reach out and pull Jeff close to me.

'I've never let go like that with anyone before.'

'Then I'm honoured. Are you ready for more?'

'Make love to me Jeff.'

'My pleasure princess.' I gasp as Jeff slipped slowly inside me, what I like most is that he's gentle with me. He gazes into my eyes and slowly starts moving, it is intense and wonderful, I can't help but moan. I wrap my legs around him and pull him as close as I can to me. 'My beautiful Dixie, I love you.'

'I love you too, always.'

'Always.' I felt my eyes wanting to close but I resisted and maintained eye contact with Jeff. 'Dixie, I can't hold off much longer.'

'So don't,' I moaned, I know I am close. Jeff reached his hand down between our entwined bodies and I felt his fingers brush against my clitoris. I moaned as another orgasm took me. Jeff's movements became more erratic and I heard him groan deep in his throat as he came inside me. I held him close, his head buried in my shoulder. I just let him lie there for a little while. 'Jeff? Come on love, you're getting chilly.' Now we'd been lying there for a while and the heat of our lovemaking had faded he was quite exposed to the cold. Jeff slowly moved out of me and pulled the covers over us. I lay my head on his chest and his fingers traced little patterns over my back.

I'm getting sleepy, the combination of food and our earlier activities have taken their toll and I snuggle closer into Jeff's arms. 'Sleep well my Dixie.' Jeff's voice is heavy with sleep, I can hear it. 'Sleep well my love.' Jeff kissed my head.

'Dixie?'

'Yes?'

'I love you, I want all of our nights together to end like this, with you in my arms.'

'I love you, I want us to be like this forever, I can't imagine my life without you.' I watched Jeff until he fell asleep, he is the love of my life, my partner and my best friend. I settled down in his arms and closed my eyes. It might have taken us a long time to get here but I am glad that we did. I relaxed and slowly fell asleep, there is no place I'd rather be than here and I know Jeff feels the same.


	31. Chapter 31

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: M  
**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**************************************************Author's Note: Thanks again to Beethoven RIP, chan. nelson4444 and ****************************************************Carlykinz for your lovely comments, thank you for sticking with this story and I hope you enjoy the chapter**  


* * *

**Chapter Thirty-One... Jeff.**

It's still dark and early, I don't know what made me wake up but something did. Dixie is lying on her back, she must have moved some time during the night. I turned over and watched Dixie sleep, I do this a lot without her knowing. I placed my hand on her belly, I wonder if she is pregnant, I hope that she is. I'd love to have a baby of our own, seeing Dixie holding our child is something that would make me so happy. I know that she wants a child and to be a mother more than anything, the last time we talked about this I wanted to offer to help her. I didn't know how to bring it up so I left it, if she'd asked me to get her pregnant then I would have done it.

Dixie is smiling in her sleep, I'm glad that she's happy, I don't know what she's seeing in her dreams but I hope that it is me. I love her so much, she's amazing, I can hardly believe that she is mine. When I look back over everything that we have been through together in our shared lives, some of it makes me wonder how we made it. I wouldn't have made it without Dixie by my side, she is the one thing that has remained consistent throughout the bad times and the good. She's seen the worst sides of me and still she's stayed by my side. I love her for it, she makes me feel like I can do anything. I want to do everything that I can to show that I am good enough for her.

I know it is fluffy but she's taken my heart, I'll give her anything that she wants just to see her smile. I'll protect her when she needs me, hold her when she wants me to and kiss her often. I'll never forget to show her how much I love her, no matter how hectic or busy it gets in our lives I will remember to show her that I care. I'll do the little things that she loves so much; make her hot chocolate and give her a massage when she's had a hard day, buy her a pizza when she wants one. Cuddle her, tickle her, cheer her up when she's finding things hard. She is my life and I would give my life for her if I had to.

I see my future and Dixie is in it, right until we grow old together, wheelchair races and Dixie telling everyone that my jokes are rubbish, she will never stop doing that. I know that she likes them really, she tries not to laugh but I can see the corner of her mouth slightly turning up. We will be a menace to our rest home if we're in one, though I can see us refusing and staying at home and our kids will despair of us. We will grow old as disgracefully as possible, Dixie will probably be slapping my behind when we are eighty years old. She has the dirtiest laugh I have ever heard, something that I do not think that she will lose, or her filthy mind for that matter. She may act all innocent but I happen to know that she is anything but innocent.

Dixie rolled onto her side and I curled myself around her, I held her close to me and stroked her hair. 'You are so beautiful my love.' I know she can't answer me but I have to let her know, I always want her to know how I feel about her. Dixie is so warm, she always is when she sleeps, I don't need a hot water bottle when she's in bed with me. I let my hand settle back on her stomach, if she is pregnant then I will protect her and our baby and I know she will do the same. She is one of the most precious people in my life and when our baby comes along I will love them all equally.

I remember when Sophia and John were born, I have never felt love for anyone like I did in that moment. I held them for the first time and my heart filled with love, I know that I will feel same when I hold our baby, I intend to be with Dixie every step of the way no matter what. I'll go to all the classes with her and when the time comes I'll be in that room when our child enters the world. I'll hold her hand and help her breathe through the pain, Dixie is strong and together we can face the pain.

Dixie snuggled up to me, I love that she seeks me out even when she is sleeping. I kiss her gently on the head as she starts to wake up. 'Jeff?'

'Hush love, I'm here.'

'What time is it?'

'It is still early.'

'Why are you awake?'

'Just watching you sleep princess.'

'You're such a romantic Jeff.'

'Only for you my love.' Dixie chuckled and kissed me.

'What was that for?'

'For last night, it was perfect.'

'That it was princess. You're gaining confidence in the bedroom and it is nice to see that.'

'Do you really think so?'

I do, I've noticed the difference in you and I like it.'

'I'm glad to hear it.' I pulled Dixie into my arms and held her, I love holding her.

We lay in silence for a while. 'Dixie, do you think you are pregnant?'

'I don't know, we've only been together a few times, maybe not. Why do you ask?'

'I can't wait to see you grow with our child inside your belly.'

'Even when I end up as big as a whale.'

'You'll be beautiful Dixie, you already are and you will be even more beautiful during the pregnancy.'

'You are so sweet, it is going to be hard for me, when I am pregnant I won't be able to go on shouts.'

'It will be for your own safety.'

'I know, I won't be doing it for me though, I will do it for our child.'

'Then let me protect you.'

'Okay. You do know that I'm not pregnant yet, at least I don't think I am.'

'I don't mind practising to make sure.'

'I'm sure you don't Jeff, I have another hunger in mind at the minute.'

'What would that be?'

'Breakfast, maybe we can get room service and then go back to bed afterwards.'

'I like the sound of that Mrs Collier.'

'I thought you might.' Dixie smiled and I held her for a few more minutes before going to the phone and ordering us some breakfast.

I straightened the bed, probably a bit pointless seeing as we would be making a mess of it again a bit later. I let Dixie use the bathroom as she wanted to straighten herself up a bit, she's not vain but she does like to take care of herself. I opened the door when room service delivered our breakfast and placed it all on the table. 'Dixie, breakfast is here.'

'Coming, one minute.' I sat at the table and waited for Dixie, she appeared a minute later and joined me.

'I didn't know what to get so I just ordered everything.'

'It looks good and I am hungry, I believe that you are responsible for making me hungry.'

'Who, me?'

'Yes, you.'

'I am not, you seduced me, I am the innocent party in all of this.'

'Innocent, right.' Dixie laughed and I joined it, I love that we can still laugh like this, we're not just lovers and man and wife, we're friends too, we're odd but we work in our own way.

We made light work of the spread that was in front of us, I like how Dixie has a great appetite for food, it always pleases me that she enjoys eating. I like a woman that has a good appetite, it means she has an appetite for the other pleasures of life. Dixie stretched and leaned back in her chair. 'If I keep eating like that I'm going to have to take up running to burn it all off.'

'I know something that will help you burn it off.'

'Is that all you think about?'

'I am a man Dixie, it is natural to think about it.'

'Typical male.'

'I didn't hear you complaining last night.' Dixie pulled her tongue out at me and giggled.

'How long do we have until we have to check out?'

'Two hours.'

'I don't think that is long enough Jeff.'

'Come on Dix, you know you can't resist me.'

'Very well, I'll indulge you.'

'Excellent.' I smiled as Dixie put her hand in mine and we went back to the bedroom.

I love the woman that is currently with me, she is everything I want, the only one I want. She is my world. Nobody will come between us, I won't let them. It has been an amazing journey and we have some wonderful memories of our life together and I look forward to making lots more.


	32. Chapter 32

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: M  
**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

******************************************************Author's Note: Thanks again to Beethoven RIP, chan. nelson4444 and ****************************************************Carlykinz for your lovely comments, there will be a little epilogue after this chapter but we are so near the end now :(  
**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Two... Dixie.**

I can feel Jeff holding me and stroking my hair, I am so comfortable and warm, I think I want to stay here for a while. I snuggle closer and Jeff puts his arms around me and just holds me. I don't want this to end but I know that we must go home, Tamzin is taking care of Little Abs so I don't have to worry about him but we do have to be back at work tomorrow, back to reality. Reality can wait for a while, right now we can stay in our own little world for a while longer. I'm glad, the whole night was lovely and I want to revel in the feeling that I have from last night. I feel like I'm glowing, I think I know what they mean by the term afterglow now. I smile at the thought, Jeff has given me something that I never thought a man could give me, love and confidence. I feel that I am changing, something in me feels different now. I feel beautiful, Jeff makes me feel beautiful and I love him for it.

I felt Jeff kiss me on the head, he is obviously properly awake and has been for some time. 'Jeff?'

'Hush love, I'm here.'

'What time is it?'

'It is still early.'

'Why are you awake?'

'Just watching you sleep princess.'

'You're such a romantic Jeff.'

'Only for you my love.' I laughed and kissed Jeff, he's earned it.

'What was that for?'

'For last night, it was perfect.'

'That it was princess. You're gaining confidence in the bedroom and it is nice to see that.'

'Do you really think so?'

I do, I've noticed the difference in you and I like it.'

'I'm glad to hear it.' Jeff pulled me back into his arms and held me close, I like the fact that we can lie here in silence and just hold each other. It is moments like this that make me feel special.

Jeff is still holding me and I feel his hand slip down to my belly. 'Dixie, do you think you are pregnant?'

'I don't know, we've only been together a few times, maybe not. Why do you ask?'

'I can't wait to see you grow with our child inside your belly.'

'Even when I end up as big as a whale.'

'You'll be beautiful Dixie, you already are and you will be even more beautiful during the pregnancy.'

'You are so sweet, it is going to be hard for me, when I am pregnant I won't be able to go on shouts.'

'It will be for your own safety.'

'I know, I won't be doing it for me though, I will do it for our child.'

'Then let me protect you.'

'Okay. You do know that I'm not pregnant yet, at least I don't think I am.'

'I don't mind practising to make sure.'

'I'm sure you don't Jeff, I have another hunger in mind at the minute.'

'What would that be?'

'Breakfast, maybe we can get room service and then go back to bed afterwards.'

'I like the sound of that Mrs Collier.'

'I thought you might.' Jeff got up and proceeded to walk without any clothes through the room, I wonder how he does that, I don't feel that I have the confidence for that just yet. I feel very exposed and vulnerable when I'm not wearing anything.

I pulled on a robe and went into the bathroom, Jeff is letting me use it first, he's being very gentlemanly towards me. I can hear Jeff moving about in the other room and doing things. I look in the mirror and put my hand on my stomach, could it be possible that I am pregnant already? It is possible, I know that I am due on my period any time soon. I could have a baby inside of me right at this moment, our baby. I wonder what I will look like pregnant, how big I will grow. I know that I won't be able to do the things that I normally do but it will be worth it to hold our baby in my arms.

I wonder what Jeff will think of me when I am pregnant, I know he said that I will be beautiful but will he still feel the same when I'm throwing up and crying because of the hormones that are raging around my body. He probably will, he's a good man, I can see him going out at all hours to get me the things that I am craving. Pregnancy is hard on women, especially towards the end, the aching back and feet, the constant tiredness and not being able to sleep but it is worth it. I've delivered babies before, usually when they won't wait until we get to the hospital. I know that pain that I will have to go through, I know that it won't be easy and it will hurt. I've seen women swear that they'll never have another baby ever again and forget that they've said that the minute they hold the child in their arms. I want that moment, all of the pain will be worth it.

Jeff knocking on the door brought me out of my thoughts. 'Dixie, breakfast is here.'

'Coming, one minute.' I quickly straightened my hair and brushed it back from my face. I went outside and found Jeff sat at the table.

'I didn't know what to get so I just ordered everything.'

'It looks good and I am hungry, I believe that you are responsible for making me hungry.'

'Who, me?'

'Yes, you.'

'I am not, you seduced me, I am the innocent party in all of this.'

'Innocent, right.' I laughed and Jeff joined in, I love how Jeff makes me laugh, he always knows what to say to make me giggle.

I took great pleasure in digging into the breakfast that Jeff ordered for us, I tried a bit of everything and drank some coffee to go with it. Maybe I'll have to stop drinking coffee while we're trying for a baby, I've heard it can lower fertility. There isn't any proof but I don't want to take any chances. I'm going to look into the things that I should be eating to improve my chances of getting pregnant. I'm not as young as I used to be and my chances of conceiving are less than they were a couple of years ago. I know the deal, it might take us longer to have a baby than we think. I know that we won't stop trying until we can have the baby we've been dreaming of.

Jeff looks happy that I am enjoying the breakfast, I may have to stop eating like this though, I can feel it settling around my waistline already. It has been lovely though, I suppose I can let myself get away with it just this once. I stretched, good food always makes me feel a bit sleepy. 'If I keep eating like that I'm going to have to take up running to burn it all off.'

'I know something that will help you burn it off.'

'Is that all you think about?'

'I am a man Dixie, it is natural to think about it.'

'Typical male.'

'I didn't hear you complaining last night.' I pulled my tongue out at him, he had me there, he doesn't leave me anything to complain about when it comes to being in bed with him. It is nice to feel wanted and taken care of. I giggled at the thought, I wonder if there is time to take advantage of the big bed before we leave.

'How long do we have until we have to check out?'

'Two hours.'

'I don't think that is long enough Jeff.'

'Come on Dix, you know you can't resist me.'

'Very well, I'll indulge you.'

'Excellent.' I put my hand in Jeff's and let him lead me into the bedroom.

I love the man that is currently holding me and kissing me, he makes me feel loved and cared for and I love him too. I will take care of him and look after him and make sure that nothing happens to him. We're a good team, we work together and look out for each other, I know that Jeff will have my back when I need him to. I smile, I can see so many good things in our future; babies and growing old together, grandchildren and many celebrations. Maybe our children will get married or grow up to be doctors, there are so many things that I want and I can see them all clearly now. We'll start with having kids and then go from there, I know that one day we'll look back on how we got together and we'll laugh. We have many good times to think about when we get older, I've been blessed with a wonderful husband and he loves me. Our memories are special and I look forward to reliving them time and time again.


	33. Chapter 33

**Author: Raven Shadowrose**

**Title: Epiphany**

**Rating: M  
**

**Pairing: Jeff/Dixie**

**Summary: Jeff and Dixie think about their feelings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and this story are my property and I do not give permission for anyone else to use this story.**

**********************************************************Author's Note: Thanks again to Beethoven RIP, chan. nelson4444 and ****************************************************Carlykinz for all of your comments on this story, are you ready for the last chapter? Thank you for reading this story and I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it :)  
**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Three... Epilogue.**

Dixie met Tamzin in the locker room. 'Someone has a glow about them this morning, I take it you enjoyed your weekend.'

'I did, thank you for everything that you've done for us.' Jeff came in, whistling and hugged Tamzin.

'Morning princess.'

'Morning Jeff.'

'Did you have a good weekend?'

'I did, I'm banned from saying more by my lady wife.'

'Just as well, I do not need to know details. I'm just glad you enjoyed yourselves.' Dixie smiled and turned to Jeff.

'Did you get it?'

'I did princess.' Tamzin looked confused, she looked at her friends and wondered what they were talking about. Jeff took a little box out of his pocket and handed it to Tamzin.

'What's this?'

'Something to say thank you for all of your hard work.' Tamzin took the little box from Jeff and opened it.

'But, this is... I can't believe it. How did you know?'

'Tom told us, we asked him what you wanted.'

'I can't believe you bought me this, they cost a fortune. You actually went to Pandora and bought me the necklace I wanted.' Tamzin threw her arms around Dixie and Jeff. 'Thank you so much, I love you both.'

'You're welcome princess.' Dixie and Jeff hugged Tamzin and smiled, they loved seeing her so happy.

Tamzin eventually let Jeff and Dixie go. 'Now, when are you going to make me an aunty?' Dixie laughed.

'We are working on it and practising every chance that we get.'

'Good, I want to know the minute that you find out.' Dixie smiled at Tamzin's enthusiasm, she would make a great aunty to their future baby. 'How soon do you think you will be pregnant Dixie?'

'Not you as well, Jeff has been asking me that a lot.'

'Oh, but it will be nice to have someone on the crew have a baby, it has been too long.'

'Then I promise to get pregnant as soon as possible.'

'Awesome, have I mentioned how much I love you and Jeff?'

'I do believe that you have.' Tamzin smiled, she couldn't wait to be an aunty.

Jeff watched Tamzin and Dixie as they talked, Dixie looked so happy and had a definite glow about her. Making other people happy made Dixie happy, she was generous with her time and made sure that people had what they needed. It was that quality that would make her an excellent mother. Getting pregnant would take time but he was certain that it would happen when the time is right. Dixie looked relaxed, he was glad in a few days time she would take a pregnancy test and he hoped that it would be positive.

Dixie was glad to see Tamzin happy, Tom told her she wanted a necklace from Pandora and he'd seen her admiring it a few days ago. Dixie had sent Jeff to get it and her reaction when she received it made Dixie smile. She had worked hard and deserved to get something in return. Dixie intended to keep her promise to Tamzin, once she was pregnant then she would tell her immediately, after she had told Jeff of course. Dixie had every hope that in a couple of days she would be holding a positive pregnancy test in her hand.


End file.
